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I'm in NC, but everyday I nearly cave in.


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Everyday I nearly cave in. I hold that phone and I try to keep myself from calling. I keep my hands off of my car keys to prevent myself from driving to our college and waiting for her to get out of class so I can speak in person, in hopes that it makes a bigger impact.

 

When I'm at work I do the exact same thing everyday, so I LITERALLY switch to autopilot. You know what happens then? My mind runs and runs on thoughts of her and what steps I should take. It's sooooooooo hard! One of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. I'm 21.

 

It has affected me emotional AND physically. The rate at which I breathe is affected. It's such a heavy feeling.

 

I just have so many questions I want answered. Why this and why that? Why give up after 2 years?

 

But you know what? I snap out of it, and it gives me more strength. It's me grieving. And that's okay! The cut of my break up is only three weeks old. I think I'm being too hard on myself to push through and forget her, instead of accepting the pain.

 

Any thoughts?

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I can relate to the 'caving in' feeling.. It is so hard to accept that a person that once loved you to pieces can now ignore your existence as if you never dated. Your breakup is still fresh so I wouldn't worry about that, it's totally normal.. I am 3 months post-BU and I still feel like sh*t and utterly confused and a little bitter even. What helps is venting your emotions to a close friend or, in case you don't have any, this forum. It has kept me from sending texts and emails many many times.

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I was with a guy for 8 yrs....it took about 4-5 months. But you do have to focus on other stuff --- not the past, not what "could have been", not anything

but YOUR future without them in it.

 

8 years??? That's sure sure is something. How were you so strong to get over him in 4-5 months. If that was me I'd be in a mental institution. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I was in a relationship for 8 years and it ended. I need your strength.

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Because he cheated on me -- and if I was honest with myself, the relationship was a habit -- I did not see spending my life with him.

And because I realized I had lost "me" some how in the process, so I set out to find what made me happy.

 

^^^^This. I'm young and I was in a 6 1/2 year relationship and she had the GIGS and cheated. A day afterwards, I remembered so many times that I couldn't imagine my life with her because she did not appreciate me and my world didn't matter to her. It comes down to Am I happy? and if the answer was No, it's not because of her, but because I haven't done enough to make myself happy.

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