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Relaxing Girlfriend for Sex.


Anguish88

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Hi eNA

 

Was after a bit of advice on my girlfriends and I current situation. We've been together for about 7 months now and the relationship is coming along great in every way, we are spending lots of time together, both have fulfilling careers, great intimacy on every level, enjoy similar activities so dating has been amazing, the only aspect that seems have caused some issue with us is having sex. We sleep together often (worked up over time to about 2-3 times a week at the moment) and enjoy foreplay and touching but penetrative sex is something we have been working at for most of the relationship and just can't seem to get there.

 

My girlfriend is a virgin and didn't know anything about her body before we started becoming a bit more intimate (she is early twenties and I'm mid twenties). We've been open about everything to do with our sexual past which is zero for her, and although I've had a couple of relationships in the past and know what's what, I'm no veteran myself when it comes to the bedroom. We've been trying to make it work now for about 5 months but she still finds it hurts to much or she tenses up when we try to get it in. This has always got her very up set with herself, she promises me she does want to and although I'm honestly happy with the foreplay alone she insists we keep trying.

 

So since our second failed attempt which was a couple of months in I took to reading through things I can do to make her more relaxed, we started sleeping together skin to skin to make sure we were used to each others bodies, showering together, she'd never explored a guys body at all so I did the whole guided tour and she did the same for me, full body massages each time we are together in bed, I've traced alphabets on every part with mouth and fingers since I read it was a good way to find out what she likes, we've lubed up to the point we are both at risk of slipping out the bed, and we've even tried getting slightly drunk before hand.

 

Nothing seems to work guys, while we don't try the penetration part every time we are in bed together to keep it from becoming the be all and end all each night we sleep together, we've reached about 8 failed attempts now, she doesn't seem to know if its an emotional problem or a physical one and we were hoping for any other ideas before going to the doctors for help.

 

Any Ideas?

Thanks in advance!!!

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It could be vaginismus, which is involuntary tensing of the vaginal muscles at the entrance making it difficult to get in. She can purchase a dialator set which has dildos the size of a pinkie finger to a large penis size. If she's never put anything there, she needs to start with something small. Have you been able to insert your fingers?

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Well....breaking the hymen does hurt and you can't relax that part away. So if she can't seem to be able to handle that, then she needs to see her gyno about it and probably get it cut with local anesthetic, so it doesn't hurt. Probably a good idea for a check up overall to see if there may be other physical issues causing the pain. Preferably that she does this before it becomes a scarring mental hangup for the both of you.

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It could be vaginismus, which is involuntary tensing of the vaginal muscles at the entrance making it difficult to get in. She can purchase a dialator set which has dildos the size of a pinkie finger to a large penis size. If she's never put anything there, she needs to start with something small. Have you been able to insert your fingers?

 

She has never put anything in there before, I have been able to insert my fingers quite far (pretty much the whole way and I have quite long fingers), but she doesn't find it very pleasurable, not painful she says but not pleasurable at all. When I do try to penetrate it goes in several inches as well but that's when it becomes too painful and I have to pull back out again. I've never been with another virgin so I'm very unsure if her hymen is still intact, I can't feel anything with my fingers but I'm not really sure what I'm looking for, is there an actual wall? I've read about the angle of penetration making a big difference as well but I don't really have the experience either to be picking out the angles I put it in. We are both very confused at this stage.

 

Well....breaking the hymen does hurt and you can't relax that part away. So if she can't seem to be able to handle that, then she needs to see her gyno about it and probably get it cut with local anesthetic, so it doesn't hurt. Probably a good idea for a check up overall to see if there may be other physical issues causing the pain. Preferably that she does this before it becomes a scarring mental hangup for the both of you.

 

We are starting to think about the doctor option now, she was absolutely distraught with herself after we couldn't get it happening the last time. I'm also afraid it might be the pressure of trying that she puts on herself that's half causing the problems now.

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You said you managed to slide fingers (one or more?) in almost all the way, and you can penetrate few inches? How deep, deep as you do with fingers? Breaking is painful to most women. ( i know some women say it wasn't painful but i never met a girl who's first time was not painful)

 

It's possible that the membrane is still there but it stretches, allowing you to penetrate up to certain depth before she feels pain. My first time was EXTREMELY painful, thank goodness i never had to experience it again. I did not expect pain so intense. She might have lower tolerance for pain or something. If hymen is there it will hurt, relaxation can help but it's not anesthetic. Stopping because of pain won't do it. It's like pulling the teeth out. I'd suggest to go see doctor, and if everything goes well and there are no medical reasons, she just needs to bite the bullet.

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Like myself and another poster said, no matter how you go about it, breaking the hymen is going to hurt and for some women the pain is extreme. You can't relax this away or change angles or do anything much. You are tearing tissue, it hurts, she'll bleed. It's just how it is. Fortunately, it's a one time deal. It definitely sounds like you are able to go just enough to where it starts to stretch to tearing point and the pain hits her. The hymen is a membrane and probably not something you can feel with your hand. Google it for crying out loud - you can find medical descriptions complete with full diagrams on what and where it is. The bottom line is that either her gyno can cut it for her or she needs to suck it up and deal with it this one time in her life. No amount of attempting and pulling out is going to accomplish anything here. Sounds like she needs to get educated about her own body too, to be frank.

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