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Feel let down and need advice


SKBH

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So.. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and we have had our ups and downs. When we met we were completely in love, but I quickly noticed he often texted a certain girl and often sat together with her at school, so i was not 100% sure if him and I were "a thing". When we had been dating for 1 month, I went on a skiing trip with my high school. On that trip i kissed a guy when I was very drunk and felt lonely. It was like a auntie kiss and then I fell asleep. The next morning I called him and told him everything, and a couple of days later we agreed to work things out. Afterwards I kept hanging out with the person I had kissed with, because he was in the group of friends I hung out with, but I did not talk to him or spent time with him alone. In the meantime my BF kept having contact with this girl - sometimes it was a bit flirty. They had contact everyday and it made me kind of jealous and uncomfortable. So one day I asked my BF if they had ever been intimate with each other. He then told me that they had kissed two times, and had been intimate once - but not having sex. Then I got pretty upset because he a couple of months before that, had been angry at me for answering a text from a guy I once had been intimate with. I was like "okay, you can do it, but I can't?" but once again we agreed to work things out, and they never had any contact again at all.

I began to feel crappy hanging out with the friend group with the person I had kissed, because my boyfriend did not approve it. One day he said "If you go to that party, you and I are not together anymore" and I went for two hours without drinking, and went home shortly after the person I had kissed came by. The same night I met with my BF and told him I was sorry and I promised I would never go again, and that I would do anything for the two of us. After that I stopped the contact with the boys from the group and said no to everything when I knew the person I had kissed could join.

 

Then we went with my parents on a trip to Mallorca where I got very sick. I was hospitalized almost a week in another country, and he visited me everyday with my family. But as soon as my parents left us alone in the hospital, he kept talking about what I had done, and who I had been intimate with BEFORE him and I even knew each other. It was pretty hard being hospitalized and not knowing what was wrong with me, and the person i needed to be there for me, was angry all the time. I felt so crappy. When I finally was released - still not knowing what was wrong - I was placed in a wheelchair and still sick, and every time him and I were alone he talked about the stupid things, and one day he even said to me "I'm not sure if we should be together anymore" and there I sat in a wheelchair feeling so sick, helpless and alone. He didn't wanted to touch me, and was not happy at all for me when I got out. But I didn't confront him with that, I just agreed it was my own fault.

 

When I got home from the vacation I was in and out of different hospitals for a month, and I finally got my surgery in august. After the surgery I was absent due to illness for three months, and in november he told me he had lied to me about the girl he had been intimate with. Apparently they had been intimate several times and kissed and cuddled several times too - not when he and I were together. So he had lied to me. The whole time he had treated me like a jerk, he had been lying. He told me it was because he was afraid I would break up with him, and that after I had confronted him with her, he realized how stupid it was for him to keep contacting her and answering her messages. He then told me things he had lied about, and dragged me through hell three days in a row, telling me some new about it everyday. I was so sad and felt let down. I was afraid to wake up in the morning, cause I didn't knew if he was going to tell me new things he had "forgot" about… So everyday was a hell. But it got better, and I only forgave him because he was so convincing that he regretted it, and I knew the feeling of regret after what I had done several months ago.

 

Well, things got better and I finally stopped thinking about it, and thought we had worked things out. Then one day he looks at me, and tells me "I really ed up… I really really ed up". I immediately thought he had been cheating, but no. He tells me he had jacked off to three other girl's instagram photos he knows. Girls I know. I felt sick! I just did not want to hear it. But once again we agreed to work it out, and he told me he would do anything for me.

 

Since he told me about the masturbation I have not been feeling that connected to him. I don't know if it's because of the whole thing with the other girls, or if it's just because I had enough of everything. When we argue I feel completely like I don't care and I just want to be alone. But when we stop arguing, I feel like he is the one I want to spend my life with.

 

Anyway, that's the story.. Hope to get some replies on what I should do…

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You need to walk away as this relationship just doesn't work. You kissed someone else, he has lied to you multiple times and this is not what relationships are about. You are not going to gain anything out of this relationship apart from more hurt and deceit.

 

My advice is just end the relationship as you two do not work.

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That's also what I keep telling myself. But I still keep falling for his "I'm sorry"… And I just can't help thinking it's my own fault i'm being treated like this - after I kissed another guy.

 

Is there really nothing to do to work things out? I mean.. We have planned to move in together. We have planned to go on a round-the-world-trip together. And I keep thinking that maybe our problems will be solved? If we "stick to the plan" ?

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