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Stuck in an Alone and Depressed state.


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I joined ENA last year in july after a break up. i was very depressed and 8 months later im still on this site posting... still depressed. I feel so trapped, like this wont end. I have very little friends and very little career prospects. No degrees. i used to be sooo motivated. ambitious.. and had momentum at one point in my life. but the world seems to be happening around me. Passing me by.

 

I have 2 good friends. one who is a girl and i am attracted too. I feel like im constantly playing games. like life is a game. I wanted to call her today to hang out but then all i could think about was "you just want her to fill the emptiness" and "you dont wanna seem needy" "wait for her to call you". I spend a lot of time in my head. how do i get my mind to shut the F up and stop being so negative.

 

I wake up.. have nothing to do nowhere to go. i wander around. go for walks. i hate checking facebook but i do. i see everyone else living. photos of them with friends. people saying stuff about uni. Im 26. I want to hit the reset button.. i dont know how or where to turn. or where to start. I can work full time in some cruddy retail job, travel alone using the money i have saved, or study something im vaguely interested in so that i can be 30,000 dollars in debt to my government. Money vs Experience vs Education. there is so much junk in my head.

 

feeling very down.

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Okay i am going to be straight forward with you. I have seen too many people like you, you need people in your lives all the time, always in relationships, always looking at what other people are doing, always doing what is expected of society. Why dont you get a hobby or two? Work on being happy alone? Work on improving yourself financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually? But instead here you are talking about calling another person to hang out with. Honestly you must first have a life to live one, so get a life first. It might take you 1, 2 or even 5 years but until then dont worry about what other people are doing, its their life you have to sort out yours first. I know I am not ready for dating girls etc.

1. Im at uni

2. Im broke

3. Im way too busy with my life.

So what makes you think you will feel happy when you have nothing to give. Stop being a headless chicken and set goals in your life. You are freaking 26 and you dont know what you are doing, im freakin 19 and I have a pretty clear picture of what I want to do. GET A LIFE, dont expect someone to give you one

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The thing is i had acheived what i thought i wanted to do last year. after a lot of work experience in telecommunications i opened my own business. I got the respect of people that i wanted.. but not long after realised that its very hollow. Imagine thinking you know what you want.. then getting there then realising that it isnt. I was super ambitious once.

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Look inside yourself for happiness. It's there if you peel away all the layers preventing you from seeing it. If you try to get happiness from outside nothing is ever enough. Try meditating or yoga, be introspective, discover the happiness and bliss within. Once you find it nothing in the outside world can take it away. And stop comparing yourself to others, everyone has problems, they just don't show it on Facebook.

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The thing is i had acheived what i thought i wanted to do last year. after a lot of work experience in telecommunications i opened my own business. I got the respect of people that i wanted.. but not long after realised that its very hollow. Imagine thinking you know what you want.. then getting there then realising that it isnt. I was super ambitious once.

 

So what's not hollow for you? Figure it out. Also, stop pretending to be a friend to the girl that you want to date. Stop playing games. For as long as you can use her as a crutch faux date, you have no motivation to get your act and your life together. Sometimes, to move forward, you have to knock out all crutches and really feel the impetus of nothing to lose and ALL to gain.

 

The bottom line is that without a goal or two, you have no direction and no place to go. Only you can make goals for yourself. Only you know what interests you. If you don't know, start exploring different things until something finally catches your interest and ignites some passion. You have to do the grunt work. Nobody can do that for you.

 

Stop looking at other people and comparing yourself. The fact of life is that there will always be someone who is smarter, better, more successful, faster, etc. No matter how much you achieve, there is always someone who will top you. To keep comparing and competing is setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery. The key to happiness is to figure out what personally satisfies you. It's internal satisfaction not external relative to anyone else. Also, it's not about a maximum it's about figuring what is the minimum that you need to achieve to gain that personal satisfaction. You can always go up from there, there is no limit so chasing the limit is an act of futility which leads to misery. You need to work out what you minimum is and how to get there and grow from there, but never go below the minimum. Again, nobody can give you that, nobody can open up your brain and work it out for you. The work is something you have to do for yourself. The alternative is what you are experiencing now - spinning your wheels while going nowhere fast.

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