Where do I begin...

[cbennet]

This is going to be a long story and I wasn't quite sure which category to write it under, but I figured anyone reading the relationship strands would give good advice...

 

It all began when I was at High School... I was an admirer of a guy in the year above me. We had mutual friends and all used to get the same school bus home. Conversation was always minimal between us though, and I had a 'boyfriend' and he had a 'girlfriend'. He seemed real quiet and had all the qualities I desire.

On a night out, when I was around 19, I saw him in a club with some other guys from school (who I didn't know to speak to). Me and my girlfriends went to the bathrooms, where one of my close friends was like 'you have to talk to him.' Her friend, who i had met that night butted in and said 'aww who??' so I told her briefly about my high school crush and went on to describe him, playing it down. As we left the bathrooms, she darted over in their direction, at which point I almost died inside...WHAT WAS SHE DOING??! She went over to the wrong guy and apparently asked him to buy me a drink... He headed to me, when I apologized.

 

After that night, I was so annoyed that had happened, but more so that I still didn't speak to him! After discussing it with my girlfriend, I tried finding him on FB etc, with no luck. I decided to message his friend for his number, of which I got no reply... clearly he wasn't interested.

 

There were two occasions during my uni years where I have seen him out, avoiding him with embarrassment. He didn't see me.

 

Two years ago, I was on a night out with a girlfriend and we ended up in a club. My friends boyfriend was coming to meet us with a few of his friends, one of them had made it clear during a previous meeting that he would like to take me out (charmer). 1am and guess who walks through the door... my crush, with two guys from school! I clearly could NOT miss this opportunity. I went to the bathroom, powdered my nose, boosted my confidence and as I walked out, my friends BF and friends were there. I was instantly embraced by 'charmer', which crush guy saw.. I then lost track of him and gave it up, it was never going to happen.

We left the club (friend, boyfriend and charmer) and got straight into a taxi, as we sat in, the door was held back... 'Aw Hi, didn't you go to ** School??'... It was my crushes friend.. 'Err, yeah'. As I spoke, 'Charmer' leaned accross, grabbed the door and said 'Yeah, we know shes gorgeous, she's with us..' the door shut and off we went, I looked back and I could see my crush stood there looking at the taxi...NNOOOOOOO!!!!

 

Why didn't I just walk straight to him and say 'Hi'????? Why did his friend do that???

I hated myself... what was I doing??!! I decided to give it one last shot and contacted a different friend of his. One that had been out that night, but the one which held the taxi didn't have FB like my crush. He messaged back with a phone number, so I text it... no reply...

 

He just doesn't like me? I mean surely it was his right number? Did he not txt back because he thought i was with charmer? Maybe he has a GF?.. the questions are endless, I just hate what ifs!!!

 

Two years on, I am STILL stuck on this guy! I know that if I had spoken to him I would most likely be disappointed, after all, maybe I think he is nicer than what he is right? Turned him into some sort of fantasy maybe? I'm just annoyed I didn't let myself find out properly.

 

I live a million miles away, so I know a chance meeting is not going to happen. A friend has become aware of where he works, and I'm back in the area in a month. Should I pay him a visit? Or is this just weird? Should I take his hint of not replying? Vs. What have I got to loose?

 

Please advice!

[CeeLambrini]

Your crush doesn't even know you, cbennet, you haven't even given him the time of day (in his eyes) so why would he have noticed you? A random girl texting him isn't going to grab his attention, nor should it.

And more importantly, you don't know him either. You have fixated on an idea of him for years yet you have always made excuses for yourself not to speak to him. Even just going to the bathroom and fixing yourself up seems silly, as though your nose without any powder would dash your chances with him if you were to dare go up to him without doing so (unless powdering your nose was a euphemism)

You also make it seem as though everyone has control over you except you.

I was instantly embraced by 'charmer', which crush guy saw.. I then lost track of him and gave it up, it was never going to happen.

As I spoke, 'Charmer' leaned accross, grabbed the door and said 'Yeah, we know shes gorgeous, she's with us..' the door shut and off we went, I looked back and I could see my crush stood there looking at the taxi...NNOOOOOOO!!!!

Her friend, who i had met that night butted in and said 'aww who??' so I told her briefly about my high school crush and went on to describe him, playing it down. As we left the bathrooms, she darted over in their direction, at which point I almost died inside

 

All of these are people butting in and controlling you, but when was it in all of these you said "Excuse me, get off me" or "Excuse me, i'm trying to talk".

 

Texting is just not good enough, and neither is stalking this guy where he works. He doesn't know you, probably won't remember you anyway because you made no effort to talk to him and he is well aware that you just don't know him either. If you see him again, then lucky you. Go give him a conversation that he deserves rather than lurking behind corners and getting his number off his friends.

[cbennet]

Exactly, ceelambrini, I totally get you.

That's what so irritating though, that I never took a chance and I'm somehow trying to make amends.

I'm very confident in so many ways, just never grabbed those opportunities, I think pride and fear of rejection got the better of me, and I suppose I didnt take charge of the opportunities, which is why I'm seeking advice.

I know the only way I'm going to get an opportunity again is to create one, don't I owe it to myself to do that? What have I got to loose right? On the other hand, I know what I would think if someone randomly turned up.

I just hate that I blame myself for not taking a chance, it's not going away and I want to put it right.

[mhowe]

You cannot make amends for someone who doesn't know you exist.

 

You are not confident --- this sounds like elementary school. Pride and fear are the opposite and of the confidence spectrum.

 

No, you don't owe it to yourself. You dont know him. You cannot "manufacture" a meet up and have it look like anything but contrived.

[cbennet]

I thought this was an advice forum mhowe? I think I know myself thanks.

I am known for being confident, which is why I'm irritated I Iet opportunity pass me by.

I know enough about him to regret not taking the chance, just want to set it straight.

[mhowe]

Set what straight?

[cbennet]

That I didn't take the opportunity, the 'what ifs' that surface now and then probably wouldn't exist if I had just spoken to him.

[CeeLambrini]

All I know is that you're probably blowing it by showing up at someones work. It could make him extremely uncomfortable to say the least, when you've never had a conversation with him yet you have managed to get his number and show up at his place of work. Do you think he's going to take all of that at face value or be flattered that you made so much effort in finding him? Or perhaps this will creep him out majorly and you will never have that chance with him again. It's alright kicking yourself after a missed opportunity but going to his friends and getting his personal details is another story all together.

 

I don't want to offend you, or burst your balloon but with all these tragic series of unfortunate events, what was stopping him from coming up to you and saying hello? He doesn't do anything at all in all of these stories, he just sort of stands there looking over every now and then. Surely if he was interested in you he would have come and said hi by now?