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How do I resist sexual urges or alternative with GF in this situation?


Xin

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I've been with my girlfriend for a while and we're both in our twenties above 21, and she would frequently sleep over at my place. Very often we would make out and come close to having sex, but I stopped because she looked afraid. She is a virgin, so I asked her before doing it if she was okay with it, and she didn't say anything, so I stopped because I don't feel good about doing it if she doesn't say yes. It does sort of dampen the mood for me quite a bit, especially since I know she is horny since she doesn't mind foreplay and she gets really wet. However, she is a virgin, so I understand she is scared. So I waited for her to finally give me the green light.

 

Eventually, after a time, she started to open up to the idea of having sex, and one night she initiated and we got really close, but before we were about to start, she asked if I have a condom. I didn't, so I stopped, but I also don't want to explain to her I can't use one. I don't know why, because I've tried using condoms in the past, but I get weird rashes/bumps and skin tears whenever I use one and I've tried a couple different ones of different materials that it stated on the box but the effect was the same. I went to the doctor's once explaining my situation once and he prescribed me some kind of cream that only makes it hurt less and heal faster, but doesn't stop the rash/bumps and pain from happening. I feel weird explaining that to her so I tried to convince her that I don't need one, because I have had sexual relations in the past, and I've been checked every single time, including with my past girlfriends. I've never gotten a girl pregnant, and never really had any issues, but she still was too scared to do it without one. I don't want to explain my issue with using a condom (it's embarrassing and slightly ridiculous) so I told her that we can try it with a condom, but I am kind of afraid to do so because the last time I used one and I got the rash and tears, it was really painful to urinate and I was basically turned off sexually for like a whole week. However, she seemed upset that we couldn't do anything because I didn't have a condom so I am willing to try again if she cares that much.

 

However, what i would really like to do is just resist the urges entirely.. it seems like sex would be a big issue between us. I am, unfortunately, a very active guy, and it doesn't help that when she sleeps over, we make out and stuff. I have told her I will try sleeping on the floor or in a different room, but she doesn't want me to and I think she gets offended. She is also kind of frustrated over the issue. Besides that, our relationship is great, and we get along really well. She is really caring and a good girlfriend, and she told me I am a great boyfriend, too. Sex is just the one issue that divides us since we can't seem to come to an agreement on it.

 

Initially, she didn't want to do it, and finally warmed up to it, but requires a condom. Since I can't use one, I don't know what to do so I was wondering how I can just resist my urges completely... I don't want to explain my issue because it's embarrassing, so I am willing to try with the condom even though it will hurt, but I am afraid that will make the situation worse, especially if she realizes.. So I don't know what to do? I have suggested birth control and others... but I don't think she is open to the idea of using those since I suggested them and she didn't agree

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Have yourself checked to see if you have an allergy to latex and stop trying to have sex with this girl without a condom. Particularly because you've had other partners where you've not worn one. It's not in her best sexual health or emotional health (if she gets pregnant) to have sex with you, condomless.

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Yeh I agree with agent, try latex free if you already haven't. Whenever I have sex with guys using condoms, I'm the one that gets all those effects unfortunately. I tear, feel extremely sore for a couple of days and even itchy and it's really uncomfortable so if I know I'm seeing a guy I will bring along a latex free one for them to use instead and it seems to help with it. I'm sure if you let her know about your problem, it won't freak her out at all! These things happen all the time and it may give her an understanding of why you're acting this way when she brings up the idea of using the condom.

 

Anyway, goodluck!

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Have yourself checked to see if you have an allergy to latex and stop trying to have sex with this girl without a condom. Particularly because you've had other partners where you've not worn one. It's not in her best sexual health or emotional health (if she gets pregnant) to have sex with you, condomless.

 

She knows I have been with other girls. She told me she doesn't care. And I've been checked, too, but all my past girlfriends have been virgins too. Oh, and since my girlfriend has opened up more to me it seems like she is trying more.. so I am kind of worried about what I should do. I mean, she was slightly upset we couldn't do anything on some night.

 

1. No more sleep overs.

 

2. Have you tried latex free condoms?

 

Well.. it's a weekend night and she wants to come over... I live with 2 other roommates, and we sort of got this double date thing going where my girlfriend's best friend is my roommate's girlfriend... so they both come over on the weekend. I can't tell her to leave, but she wants me to sleep next to her so I'm not sure how I should say no without hurting her feelings.

 

I've tried a couple different ones, like this polysomething something one and of course latex is common. I don't know if I've tried a latex free one, but I have tried condoms in the past and my past girlfriends found out about my issue so they asked me to have sex with them without a condom. However, I don't want my current gf to make a decision like that because of my issue; I want her to make that decision of her own accord, which she won't. So that's why I am wondering how was can resist the temptation, while still sharing the same bed, etc.

 

Yeh I agree with agent, try latex free if you already haven't. Whenever I have sex with guys using condoms, I'm the one that gets all those effects unfortunately. I tear, feel extremely sore for a couple of days and even itchy and it's really uncomfortable so if I know I'm seeing a guy I will bring along a latex free one for them to use instead and it seems to help with it. I'm sure if you let her know about your problem, it won't freak her out at all! These things happen all the time and it may give her an understanding of why you're acting this way when she brings up the idea of using the condom.

 

Anyway, goodluck!

 

Thanks! Well, at least if it's itchy at least I can scratch haha.. although that aggravates it a lot more. I'm not sure how to tell her about this problem.. because we won't be able to have sex with a condom and now that she's open to the idea of having sex, I'm wondering if I should fashion a condom out of animal skin like they did in the old days or something. haha.

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What does it matter if she knows that you've been with other girls and is okay with your past number? Get yourself tested for a latex allergy and if you are allergic then find out from your doctor what type of condom you should be using. Practice putting one on a banana so that you can do it smoothly without tearing your own banana.

 

The girl is smart so respect her wishes.

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You have to a) tell her about the issue with the condoms b) try latex free with her c) do not, I repeat do not, get comfortable with the idea that just because you never got a girl pregnant without using a condom before that means it won't happen. It.only.takes.once and yes it can happen to you. Geez, I got pregnant with some guy I'd just met after not being able to get pregnant and consistently trying to get pregnant for three years with my ex-husband when we were still married and going for Child #3. So push that thought out of your head right now and make sure at least that she's on birth control. If you're going to go the unprotected sex route, again not advisable for a myriad of reasons, then at least both go to the clinic and get tested and share your tests so you are both on the same page. But you have to tell her about the condom thing or she's going to think you are turned off by her and don't want sex and that's a huge break in the relationship.

 

Try latex free, if that doesn't work see a doctor who will do something about it--i.e. give you suggestions on other types of condoms you can use. You aren't the only one out there with this issue.

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Get some natural lambskin condoms - they're usually a safe bet as far as latex/rubber based allergies go.

 

Trojan has a line of them out:

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The downside - they don't offer the same protection against STDs, as they aren't as microscopically nonporous as manmade materials. They only stop the passage of sperm. So get tested first since you've had unprotected sex with other partners.

 

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More explanation of condom types - since there's two that are "poly" types, I don't know which you tried.

 

It's also possible that if they were ones with spermacide, that triggered your sensitivity. See if any of the major companies will put together a sample pack you can test on your skin and find one that will work for you.

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