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he's ignoring me


ferrier

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hi everyone,

 

i have recently gone through a breakup. we weren't officially in a relationship for very long - only maybe a month - but we've been friends/dating since August and i fell for him pretty hard. when i met him i had only very recently got out of a very awful relationship. that man treated me very badly and i am still not emotionally healed. i instantly really liked this guy. he was lovely to me and everything i wanted. the only problem was that he was very busy with his job. this is why we weren't officially together for so long, because he told me he couldn't devote the time to me that i deserved. we seemed to argue a lot. one of us always seemed to be trying to end it, unsuccessfully. about 4 weeks ago we broke up officially and we decided to stay friends, but last week, we had another fight and since i haven't heard from him. i really love him as a friend and really want to keep him in my life as we shared a lot together. the silence is driving me crazy and i keep making it worse by sending him texts everyday asking him to get in touch, yet he won't. he's freezing me out. i wonder if he has blocked my number. i blame myself for all the arguments, as i think i was trying to protect myself after my last relationship. he is a bit younger than me and i feel as if i put a lot of pressure on him before he was ready, but then equally i feel like he is being cruel by ignoring my pleas for contact.

 

i feel like i have gone through the break up twice, as i have lost him as a friend too. i keep asking him to get in touch but i think he thinks i'm crazy. i do have some issues with self confidence but i'm not an unhinged person, just insecure. he should know this about me and i'm really dissapointed he is putting me through the silent treatment. i feel like i've lost a lovely friend and i am very upset about it. i know he doesn't like confrontation and me texting him all the time is probably pushing him further away. i guess i feel upset that really, it is my fault we argued, because i had just come out of a bad relationship, and it was me who pushed to be more than friends because i liked him so much, but then when what he said would happen happened, he didn't have time for me, i couldn't handle it. he's not blameless... he hasn't been the best bf, but i don't know what to do. i've gone NC with my ex and it was the hardest thing i've ever done. i don't know if i have the strength again, i really want to be his friend. but i guess i can't force him. i think i have scared him off me. do you think he will ever be back in touch? was this all my fault? or is he emotionally inept?

 

any kind words would be great. thanks

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when i met him i had only very recently got out of a very awful relationship. that man treated me very badly and i am still not emotionally healed. i instantly really liked this guy.

 

I think you guessed it, this is the problem.

 

When we haven't invested the time to fully heal from a breakup, we're the opposite of good relationship material.

 

Leapfrogging to another guy is called 'rebounding' and will put too much pressure on the second guy to meet your expectations that he compensate for the awful treatment from the first.

 

As you noticed, this caused a lot of friction, and this guy is spent.

 

Let him be. He knows you want contact, and if he's ever willing to reach out to you again, you'll be the first to know.

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Good for him for going no contact. I do hope, for your sake that he keeps it up and keeps ignoring your attempts to get him to reply. You're not good for one another, that's obvious. If you were then you'd still be together but you're not so stop trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, luv and give yourself the time (with the help of a good therapist if possible) to recover from your abusive relationship so that you are confident and strong enough to let go quickly of people that you don't get along with instead of being so afraid to lose them that you agree to be demoted from lover to simple "friend."

 

You deserve better then that but first you have to believe that. Work on yourself and becoming the best you that you can be instead of working on trying to get him to acknowledge you.

You'll end up much better off in the end if you try that.

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