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Feeling terrible after breaking 45 days of NC :( Back to square 1?


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So we had always planned to have a catch up skype on the 23rd of Feb. This was a planned break of NC.

 

I was feeling okay the past few weeks. I still missed him, but I felt like I was better off for it. He said "I don't love you anymore, I think my feelings are platonic.", so that still stung like hell.

 

Then today we had a 2 hour chat. The first hour & a half was just light chatting about what we'd been up to. And it was so nice to just talk to someone who was also my best friend throughout the relationship. I guess throughout the talk I expected it to just lead to some kind of reconciliation maybe. Then for the last half an hour he asked me, "How're you feeling?"...I said I was still confused.

 

I asked him the same and he said, "I'm just going to be honest. I've only really missed you as a friend." I wasn't hugely shocked by him saying pretty much what he said when breaking up. But it just brought it all back. The rejection, the unrequited love, the ego hurt, the pain...all of it. I maintained my composure though & said how I did believe being single was best for me as a person at this moment (and I actually believe that to be true!). He said the same thing, how he didn't really get to be single or independent at university last year, so he's enjoying that part.

 

Then we talked about how so many exterior problems crushed our relationship, how so many odds were against us etc...he agreed. I asked him what he saw in the future for us. He said he didn't know. (I guess it's better than we can never be together...then again do I want to hold on to even a bit of hope...I mean what's the point?)

 

After we stopped talking though all those feelings that I'd suppressed after he said he only missed me as a friend came back. And so I've spent 3 hours just upset in bed . Just how how how did something so wonderful come to this? I have such a bad headache and a mock exam tomorrow .

 

On my insistence we decided to carry on NC, we've set another date for catch up just over a month from now. Is this advisable? The thing is I just don't think I could ever say to him, "Let's not contact each other ever again"

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I really don't think it's a good idea for you to see him in a months time. Look how you're feeling right now by breaking NC and talking to him, you feel miserable. It's only natural because this is someone who you loved. Your truly not over him at all just yet and every time you see him or talk to him it will bring up all the memories you two had together, and the pain of the break up. You need to give yourself much more time to get over him, but yes later down the track if you feel you are then you can begin talking to him again as friends, but your just not ready for that yet. Goodluck!

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I agree ...you need way more time to heal before you can casually catch up here and there. What if at your next catch up he's met someone else? Do you really want to hear about that? He misses your friendship and still wants that part of you....but you need to do what's right for him (like he did for himself) and set a boundary. Only have catch up chats when it won't matter to you that he's moved on with someone else. You're understandably not at that point yet.

Don't set yourself backwards again by keeping in touch with him. Otherwise you can expect to spend another 3 hours in bed re-living all the heartache AGAIN for the 3rd time....why do that to yourself??

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That sounds awful. Don't do that to yourself. It's like re-opening a wound over and over again and i could understand if it was an impulsive spontaneous act of weakness (that we all get sometimes), but this is PLANNED pain.

 

As the others say, wait til you have moved on before you try this. otherwise there will be a grey cloud of uncertainty constantly hanging over your head. Contrary to what you have said- yes you DO need to tell him 'lets not contact each other'. How else are you going to cleanse your mind and give room to someone else you'll meet further down the line who is more worthy of your love? You need to just let go and be free.

About your concern with it being too drastic - don't worry about that and dont even think about that- i have told a few people in my life before "never contact me again", and meaning it when i say it. but of course months/years down the line when things cool down we hang out again. it's a thing you said to break free out of a situation but that doesn't mean you mean it. Don't worry so much and do what's right for you in this situation.

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If it's really impossible to say you won't catch up, make it a much a longer time. Say 4 months? It is way in the distance but it is something to hang on to if you think you do really need that crutch. By then you may well find that you have decided that you don't want to put yourself through this kind of torture again.

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I would never want to hear someone say that to me....I don't care how 'honest' they were being..and really, was it necessary for him to actually say it to you? I don't know...that reeks of arrogance to me.

 

Personally I would not plan a 'chat' again....at least not for quite some time. Maybe you can catch up when you are dating someone else, and not so affected by his indifference.

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Thanks for all the advice guys!

 

I guess I didn't think I'd feel this much pain . I expected it to be easier...or expected reconciliation somewhere.

 

The thing is I know the best thing to do for me would be to say...no contact till I find someone new/am completely and utterly over it. But because of the deep friendship we shared and my close friendship with his mum it's just so hard to ask that.

 

I think the idea of taking a longer break is probably the best one...I mean this one is shorter than the initial one. Giving it 3 months or more & catching up might be better.

 

I often ask myself..."why" are we doing this? I think it just stems from the basic fact that we have strikingly similar interests, humour, care for each other and get along very well. So losing that friendship would be bad. But on the inside some part of me wants to prolong this for hope of getting back together. This was both of our first relationship so that only makes everything more painful!

 

@JA0371

 

I guess he said that as he wanted to make it clear to me that there's definitely no chance for a future with us at the moment.

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