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7 months ago my ex girlfriend end a relationship she believed became more of a friendship; we both stopped showing affection towards each other and we were starting to lead independent lifestyles. We are both in our late 20s and had been together for 7 years. I gave her space and respected her decision, despite it being difficult. After 2 months we chatted and I expressed my feelings. She stated she didn't know what the future holds and wasn't ready to sort things out.

 

During this time I've been sorting out my own life and doing things I've always wanted to do. I've been on dates and could even say I was in a "relationship" for a few months. A while ago my ex informed me she was seeing a guy and it was later confirmed it was serious.

 

A few days ago she randomly texted me asking me a question about something that happened three weeks prior. We discussed and I told her there were some items at our old house for her to collect. She stopped by the next day to retrieve them; we chatted, she asked several questions about my life and even offered to help with some things. I expressed to her that I missed our past life, but I didn't want to interfere with what she had now and wished her happiness. She explained it wasn't serious and there were several red flags (contrary to what other credible sources say). She left almost in tears; we hugged and I kissed her forehead.

 

I was left with the feeling I am definitely plan b. I haven't heard from her since and I take that as a clear sign she wants to see how her new relationship pans out. We broke up several years ago for a couple months and figured things out. This time everyone keeps saying she will be back and just be patient; that includes a psychologist I was seeing!. I have no clue if she will come back and have set my focus on me. Anyone ever been in a similar situation? Completely lost as to what to do.

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Yes.... most dumpers will try and keep their exes around as a Plan B. Whether they consciously are aware of it or not.... they don't do it to hurt you, they just care more about making the transition to singlehood easier on themselves than any damage it might do you.

 

As long as she knows you're always there with a simple text ready and waiting, she doesn't have to face the loss of having you in her life.

 

And YOU don't get to start healing and moving on when you're still in contact with her and knowing what she's up to and having hugs and kisses and conversations (when it suits her to have them.)

 

This is why it's so helpful -- so important for you -- to go No Contact. Here's a guide that will help you: link removed

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We basically are no contact. She texts me every few weeks to see if she has mail or she has a question about the mortgage. I never initiate contact. In fact, I suggest leaving the mail on the front step. She became defensive when I said that and made a snark comment. This was the first time seeing her in approximately 3 months.

 

It has become easier as time progresses. I was under the impression she was confused about everything, but I've been challenging that, and instead, telling myself she has moved on, leave it be. Just strange that she wants to see me and offers assistance without thought of her new relationship.

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So I made the mistake of not going no contact right from the start. It was a big mistake, one I would go back in time and change if I could. Go no contact.

 

Live your life. Build yourself up. Date new people once you are ready. Make yourself your best self. Level up.

 

She may or may not come back someday. You don't control it. She is choosing to not be with you right now.

 

I am sorry you have to go through this, but go no contact.

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We basically are no contact. She texts me every few weeks to see if she has mail or she has a question about the mortgage. I never initiate contact. In fact, I suggest leaving the mail on the front step. She became defensive when I said that and made a snark comment. This was the first time seeing her in approximately 3 months.

 

It has become easier as time progresses. I was under the impression she was confused about everything, but I've been challenging that, and instead, telling myself she has moved on, leave it be. Just strange that she wants to see me and offers assistance without thought of her new relationship.

 

No, what you have is contact.

 

Seriously.... there's a big difference between really having No Contact and having the kind of interactions you describe. And it's going to make A HUGE difference in how you feel once you really do cut off all contact with her!

 

And frankly, WHO CARES if she wants to see you or becomes snarky and defensive when you cut contact? Poor baby. She made her bed, she can lie in it.

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No, what you have is contact.

 

Seriously.... there's a big difference between really having No Contact and having the kind of interactions you describe. And it's going to make A HUGE difference in how you feel once you really do cut off all contact with her!

 

And frankly, WHO CARES if she wants to see you or becomes snarky and defensive when you cut contact? Poor baby. She made her bed, she can lie in it.

 

You're absolutely right. I shouldn't care since it sends me into a spin. She's clearly made a decision. I need to accept it and forget about it. No contact is an option - only problem is we still have yet to divide up most of our possessions that still remain in the house. 7 months and we haven't even resolved that! Took her 3 months to take out her clothes.

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Don't think it's a coincidence it's taken that long. She WANTS the excuse to keep you on the back burner.

 

Give yourself a deadline and have all your business resolved by that date. If possible, set up a way so that there's no more contact between you to negotiate this. You don't have to see her when she gets her stuff. 7 months is ridiculous.

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Don't think it's a coincidence it's taken that long. She WANTS the excuse to keep you on the back burner.

 

Give yourself a deadline and have all your business resolved by that date. If possible, set up a way so that there's no more contact between you to negotiate this. You don't have to see her when she gets her stuff. 7 months is ridiculous.

 

Im suddenly not feeling as crazy anymore. This is her pattern. She was like this before I met her and during the small time we broke up before. She needs constant attention and once it fades she comes back. Not an endearing quality and I always question this.

 

A deadline is a good plan. Also, the link you provided is a good resource! Thanks!

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