An adult whose parents don't want her going to Brazil

[notsomature]

Hey I'm 23 about to finish my undergrad in March and I have a predicament. I have an opportunity presented to me by two friends of mines from college, they have bought tickets to go to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil this summer for two weeks & they've asked me to come along. I want to go because 1. It's Brazil! and 2. I've never gone outside of the country before.

 

I've been in school for the past 4 years and never really had a real summer vacation that didn't involve taking summer classes and going to work. I've had to work for my own education, and lived on my own with roomates for a few months because my mom is a compulsive gambler and living with her was taxing on me and my academic performance. I can afford my own tickets and I was set on making the decision to go, but my mom is holding me back. She says it's not safe. She asks me "why Brazil?" She tells me "I think it's better you purchase a ticket to visit your grandparents and cousin in Atlanta, then come back home and find a job. That's the best decision." I'm furious because not only is she totally disregarding what I want, but now she is trying to carve her own path for me, including where I should spend a vacation. I'm an adult now, and if I always live in fear I will never have lived at all.

 

What do you guys think? Am I wrong here?

[Realitynut]

Of course you are NOT WRONG! You are an adult, you've gone through school (congrats) you can pay for your own ticket, you have friends who have asked you to go, IT"S BRAZIL, it's your life.

 

I can't think of one reason NOT to go. Just stay in a group, and don't wander off alone with some guy! Tell your mom you will call everynight. (i think you can???) and you will be safe.

 

If you let her win on this one...she will think she can control every aspect of your life......

 

Step up...step out. Become a grownup today!

 

edit: BTW...it's a once in a life time opportunity! You might not ever get this chance again...to go with a couple of friends etc.

 

Sometimes life just has a way of going on...ya get married....ya have kids.....and there ya are, wishing you could have gone on a wonderful trip when you were young and single. I can't stress enough....GO! Just be smart and safe.

 

HAVE FUN!!!

[Lorem Ipsum]

It's your life and your money. If you want to go, you're an adult. While I can understand her fears and also the reason she'd like you to visit your relatives (your grandparents aren't going to be around forever), it is your choice how to spend your time and money. I can even see how she may be looking ahead to after you graduate -- you may need that money to get by on while you search for a job. But, I can also see how after all those years and hard work, you want to celebrate that. You may not get her permission (and you don't need it, since you're an adult) but you could explain to her enough so that you get her acceptance of your decision (if that's important to you).

 

So get working on your passport application and check with a travel doctor if you need any vaccinations. You may also need to apply for a tourist visa. Don't leave any of these things to the last minute!

[savignon]

As a mom I have to say I'd put up a huge stink about certain countries and Brazil is on that list. Do a little research yourself. Of course she can't stop you and that's part of the heartache of being a parent I'm sure. Her heart is in the right place.

I would suggest hearing her out so she can express what concerns she has and then take them seriously (she is older and has more life experience) and then make a plan that will address as many concerns as possible. Examples: you'll email every other day, carry pepper spray or whatever else.

You will understand when you have kids of your own. She just loves you and wants to keep you safe. Be easy on her ;-)

[hodgeheg]

I think your Mum is being selfish. Of course she loves you and wants you to stay safe but, ultimately, it is your life and not hers. She has a right to her fears and a right to worry, but at 23 she does not have the right to tell you what to do.

 

At 15 I travelled to the West Bank (The occupied territories of Israel/Palestine - depending on your politics) with my Dad. Essentially a war torn part of the world, and my Mother let me go, of course she trusted my Dad to look after me but I walked down those streets as a white, blonde, female on my own plenty of times. I've also travelled to parts of Africa and plan on spending my summer in Vietnam, on my own. It never even crossed my mind to ask my parents permission! (I'm 21)

 

Has your Mum given you reasons for her worries? Is her motive financial or safety related? Either way I think compromises can be made. You said you're going with friends - tell your Mum you'll never go out alone. If she's worried about money - it's only 2 weeks! You can get a job when you come back.

[Kendahke]

Make your reservation to go to Brazil with your friends today. You are grown. Your family will be there when you get back. Your life will fall into place once you get back. Go reward yourself for the hard work and discipline you've been exercising for 4 years to get through school.

 

Your mom is trying to get into your pocket and she's trying to fill you with her fears--those are for her to bear and carry, not you.

 

Truth be told: no place is safe on the earth. You can be snatched off the street in front of your mother's house just as easily as something could happen to you in Brazil. You can't live your life in fear. You live it wisely and you don't take foolish risks. Do as Lorem said and also, once you get to Brazil, check in with the American Embassy so the Consulate knows you're in the country.

[lavenderdove]

If you're an adult and paying your own way, you can do as you please. Keep in mind that it takes time for parents to 'disengage' from their children and let them make their own decisions, and some never do!

 

So just state your case and drop it. Then if your mother brings it up again, tell her the topic is not open for discussion and change the subject. She can't make you talk about it if you don't want to do so!

 

btw, it does pay to do a little research on safety in foreign countries. Be very careful to keep your wits about you, keep your passport and money safe, don't get so ridiculously drunk you could make yourself a victim or let random strange men buy you drinks that might be roofied.

 

Also take care getting out especially at night in neighborhoods you don't know that might be shady. It is best to not treat the vacation like a drunken spree because that makes you vulnerable, don't get in the car or go out to strange places with men you've met on vacation. Better to just make it a fun 'girls' vacation where you stick together and watch out for each other and don't romance strange men which can be very dangerous in foreign countries.

 

I had a roommate in college who travelled through Middle East with her college BF, and some men literally tried to buy her from her BF.. she was a tiny blue-eyed blonde from Sweden, and apparently girls with her look brought a premium when sold in Arab countries on the human trafficking trade. She was terrified and really glad she'd gone with her BF who of course turned them down, and they skedaddled out of that country quickly. So don't let your naivete turn you into a victim. Bad things can happen to young girls in foreign countries where they assume the culture is the same as their own, and they don't understand the depth of the risk or the crime.

 

so have fun with your college friends, but no going off with strange men or putting yourself in risky situations. Even going to a beach with a strange men can be super risky, and definitely don't allow them in your hotel room or car, or visit unknown neighborhoods far from your hotel. Stay on the beaten path.

[sophie274]

Oh, this is my life! My mother has objected to almost every single fantastic trip I've ever been on.

 

Just don't ask for her input. It's not her decision to make and frankly her opinion doesn't matter. If you've done some research and have decided it's safe and affordable for you to go, don't even involve her in the process. You can give her an itinerary before you go so she can know where you are, but don't even give her the impression that she's allowed to have any input in the decision whatsoever.

 

About Brazil specifically, don't know when you'll be there this summer, but if it's at any time during the World Cup BOOK NOW. Prices are out of control already. And a bunch of my American friends have had "issues" (delays, requests for more documentation) getting visas, so you'll want to get that started ASAP.

[notsomature]

Ok now it's starting to get more complicated for me, believe it or not. I was so set on purchasing the tickets for Brazil, a whopping 1,500 something it would've been. But then I realized, I have to set up an interview with a company in early March. What if I get the job? I can't request a vacation too soon after landing a job because I hear the first 3-6 months are crucial for developing skills and training. Should I just wait it out? Or should I purchase the tickets anyway and if/when I do land the job, to be honest and say I've already made plans for a vacation in July? Any opinions?