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Clearly I need to try something new


MsAdorkable

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So here I am in 2014 still looking for Mr. Right for Me with no luck. He's not on online dating websites and the guys that I found there were so horrible I won't go back. He's not at work. He's not at any of my volunteer jobs. He's not at school (I'm working on a graduate degree). I'm not desperately globbing on to every potentially available man I meet either lol. However I do want to share my life with someone and despite having plenty to do I have a lot of free time for someone special.

 

So any ideas on what else I should try? I'm in my early 30s, don't club/bar (this is why meetup doesn't work for me), and I do not hide in my house 24/7 or hide behind groups of friends. I have no problem going out solo and am friendly/approachable when out.

 

And don't say stop looking, that's annoying and not helpful. However I am curious what all of you are doing that may work for me.

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Yeah MeetUp is filled with those beer leagues and coed sports and I found them so off putting because they're largely excuses to sit around and drink. I like a glass of wine once in awhile, but alcohol doesn't dictate my social life. It just seems like when it comes to socializing and singles if you're in your 30s and not drinking then there's nothing else to do.

 

Is paddle boarding like kayaking? I don't swim so if that could be done with a life jacket then perhaps.

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Why not try kayaking then? Or canoeing? Or anything you like to do.....at the very least you'll be doing something you enjoy with like minded people.

I'm in the "get on with my life and stop looking" phase myself. It ebbs and flows and can certainly feel very discouraging.

I would definitely recommend doing things you love so that you meet like-minded people for friendships or more

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Paddle boarding is standing up on specially made surf board,.and yes, you could year life jacket.

 

BTW...I had only had it a few weeks and it was on my car...and a male friend/neighbor saw it and stopped in to talk about it. Within a year...we were dating.

 

And he later mentioned one of the reasons that he decided to ask me out (had known him casually for @ 5 yr )...was that I seemed to enjoy my life so much. Previous summer I had sailed the outer coast of Scotland....and he had heard that through the grapevine.

 

So...find your passions and embrace your life. It will literally bring people to your door!

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Well I'm already doing things I love.... volunteering, my work, school, and I do go to events in town. But the only like minded people I'm meeting are older/nearly retired couples or couples with kids. Nice people, just not much in the way of social options or meeting singles. So either the things I love aren't things men love or I'm somehow doing it wrong lol. I doubt that last one since I come home relatively stress free and I have no problem saying no to keep from being overwhelmed. Years ago I went through the phase of not looking and pretty much staying home all the time and while that gave me loads of time for self work, I wasn't meeting anyone.

 

I actually have never kayaked, I just thought maybe paddle boarding was similar. Either might be fun to do when it warms up though.

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So you may not like this idea but what about Internet dating? At least when you meet these people you are sure they are looking for the same thing you are. You can find people who you have a lot in common with and actually want to meet.

 

My sister tried it when she was in her early 30s and enjoyed it and met someone she dated for a while. And it was fun sorting through all the guys that would message her

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So you may not like this idea but what about Internet dating? At least when you meet these people you are sure they are looking for the same thing you are. You can find people who you have a lot in common with and actually want to meet.

 

My sister tried it when she was in her early 30s and enjoyed it and met someone she dated for a while. And it was fun sorting through all the guys that would message her

 

I've already tried online dating on several sites at various times and my experiences were atrocious. I will not be doing it again, ever. I think its great that it works for some people and that is what led me to give it several tries, but the guys I met were downright horrific. That's why I said in my original post that he isn't on online dating sites, cause seriously if what I met is considered great then no thanks.

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I don't have anything substantial to offer you for advice, but that's because I'm in the same boat. My career is a female-dominated field, I volunteer with two different groups that are geared toward young professionals, I go to the gym several times a week and am always busy and out of the house. I go back and forth doing online dating and it never works out. 99% of the time I don't click with the guys and the one time I did (this just happened), he disappeared after two very long and what I thought were successful dates. A friend suggested that I try to do more things out of the house that I do at home, like read at a coffee shop instead of on my couch. Other than that, I honestly don't know what else to suggest because then I'd be doing it myself. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't the only one going through this.

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And don't say stop looking, that's annoying and not helpful. However I am curious what all of you are doing that may work for me.

 

Well I was going to say that perhaps you are trying too hard or worrying about it too much and maybe you should just relax a bit on this. By that I mean go out with your friends, have a good time, be approachable if you should get chatting to someone. But otherwise don't have any expectations (…they say things happen when you least expect them …) but I guess I would just be annoying and not helpful by saying that, so I won't!

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The whole reading at a coffee shop had me laughing. Since I'm in school I find it really dull to study at home so I go to the library or coffee shops sometimes. I find that everyone is so focused on whatever they're doing that they aren't really friendly and the seats are really really uncomfortable lol.

 

The gym might be something new to do. I actually went to a new gym in my neighborhood this morning because I had a free pass. The cost of membership isn't too crazy so I figure I'll check it out again in a couple of days. Generally I just go walking in the park, hiking, or to yoga studios but those are great ways to meet no one or other women lol.

 

It is nice to know it isn't just me though and if you lived nearby you could be my new bestie =)

 

 

 

The only reason I said those kind of comments are unhelpful and annoying is because I already am going out with friends, doing things I enjoy, being approachable/approaching others, and not desperately clinging to/expecting to marry every guy I see. If I were refusing to ever leave my house and never talked to anyone then yeah that advice would apply, but I don't think it benefits already active/social people like myself or Daligal. I just figured maybe what I am doing has gotten a little stale and perhaps there's something else I could try.

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I laughed at it too, but for a completely different reason. I laughed because I would then have to change out of my sweatpants and I just don't see that happening. Reading in sweats on my couch versus reading in one of those uncomfortable chairs not in sweats. Sweats win. Maybe I'll try it at some point though haha. The gym would be a good idea. I've definitely met guys there, but obviously none of them have worked out. That doesn't mean that it can't happen. You can pick some classes that appeal to both men and women and try those out. It's easier to say hi to someone if you've seen them several times in a setting like a class.

 

I honestly think that so much of it comes down to luck and timing. There's not a lot of control we have in this situation unfortunately, which is something I struggle with. Usually if I'm not happy with some aspect of my life, I take control and change it. I can't do that in this situation, which frustrates me. Especially with this latest online dating situation. I met someone for the first time that I honestly clicked with and it doesn't work out. But again, it's not something I have any control over. We just have to keep going and be thankful that we at least enjoy our lives. A lot of people don't have that even if they are in a relationship.

 

And it is a shame we are so far apart! We sound so similar. I don't swim either!!

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LOL @sweatpants! I don't own any because whenever I watch chick flicks and see the chronically single chick she's wearing sweatpants and sitting on the couch whining (not saying you're doing that). I just figured if I got to that point then it'd be time to say damn my allergies and buy a dozen cats lol. Even to exercise I wear yoga pants. I would encourage you to consider throwing them out. You'll feel better =)

 

As for the gym, yes I did consider trying different classes should I join. I went to yoga today which is typical for me. They do have a class where you hang from suspension ropes and a few circuit classes that seem guy friendly that I could try. Its 20 bucks a month and down the street from my house which isn't bad.

 

Funny you mention having no control over meeting the right someone. You're right and I think that bugs me as well. Like you I tend to fix things that bug me. For the most part everything else in my life is going well, has been fixed, or is a work in satisfactory progress which makes me happy but it'd be nice to share that with someone.

 

Just curious, have you tried speed dating? I went once a couple of years ago and it was ok, even though nothing came of it.

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Oh man, I could never get rid of my sweatpants. I figure as long as I'm pairing them with the couch and not the outdoors, I'm doing OK. I do wear yoga pants on a regular basis (when it's not so bitterly cold). I wear them as leggings with dresses often and smirk at my brilliance throughout the day.

 

I haven't tried speed dating, but I don't think it's even offered here. While I live in a city, it's not a big city like NYC or Chicago. The singles events I've seen are the link removed mixers and they have this huge singles night once a year that I refuse to go to. As sad as this statements seems, I feel like I'm definitely meeting less people now that I've stopped going out to the bars so often. I usually got some dates that way, even though they obviously didn't work out. I can't really blame that on the environment in which I met them though since it hasn't worked out regardless of where I've met them.

 

And I actually do run, but not in a group so that doesn't help haha. I don't like running with other people because I just want to go at my own pace. There are groups where I could run with a large amount of people and I'm sure that wouldn't be an issue, but they cost so much money. I already have a trainer and can't spend more money on fitness.

 

Um, I'm allergic to cats as well. Are we the same person? Are you allergic to nature as well? I would actually go for a dog, though. I was talking to my best friend last night and we've always said that when we're old we want to end up in the same retirement home together. My new life plan is to retire in Costa Rica and she's on board. I told her it'll be her, her boyfriend/future husband, me and my future dog. Third-wheeling for life, baby!

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Even better -lounge pants from the Gap that I cut part of the bottoms off of (does anyone pay to hem those things?). So - wear your sweat pants at home (and do what my former friend did - if you go back to some guy's apartment too early on in dating, wear his sweat pants and pull the drawstring so tight that he asks if it's a chastity belt, then marry him -that was over 20 years ago).

 

I think you're discounting too many ways of meeting people too quickly. On line is a very broad universe/pool of men, people at work might know people (someone who doesn't know anyone might know someone in a few months), etc etc. Yes, certain ways might be wrong for you (bars were wrong for me unless there was a singles event going on).

 

I'm glad you're getting out there -just make sure you have a genuinely positive attitude -you don't have to be overly excited just positive rather than cynical.

 

I would try, if I were you, volunteering backstage at a community theater, volunteer work in general, starting a book club where you can meet new people too (who might know people or be available men), definitely the gym, swing dance classes.

 

Good luck!

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I just thought, A few years ago I did some rock climbing the odd time in a rock-climbing gym. The place was FILLED with really attractive, VERY fit men....just saying...I was in a relationship at the time but I remember thinking about how the climbing gym would be a great place for a single chick to meet men. And rock climbing is fun, mentally and physically challenging too. so win/win!!

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Ummm apparently we are the same person lol. I'm allergic to all hairy/feathered animals. I too feel like I don't meet many people now that I don't go to bars/clubs (I had nothing in common with the people I met there anyway and I didn't want to just go out and drink all the time). I have plenty of nature allergies, but thankfully a handful of organic remedies keep them in check. And I too have always said that I'd like to retire on the beach in Costa Rica. The only difference is instead of a dog I'd have fish =)

 

 

 

 

Discounting, perhaps. At the same time I feel like if after having done something repeatedly with no success, even after feedback from others on how to do it better, then at some point you have to figure you're just wasting time, effort, and money.

 

A positive attitude comes easy. I go out and do things that interest me so it isn't hard to have a good time. Plus I actually like leaving my house regularly and trying new things.

 

I would never have thought to volunteer in community theater, but there's lots of productions in the spring and summer that probably need help. I actually like plays and try to go when I find inexpensive ones. I have 4 other volunteer projects that I love, but they don't lead to meeting anyone platonic or otherwise.

 

I actually was in a book club for awhile, but quit because the women were so catty (it wasn't coed) and I didn't like the books they chose. I'm always on the lookout for a different one though.

 

Swing dancing, running, and photography were also things I hadn't thought of so I can certainly look into them.

 

 

 

 

I went indoor rock climbing once on a date years ago and had a blast. It didn't hurt that I was only one of a handful of women in there. At the time it was really expensive and you were required to show up with a partner rather than the staff just pairing up the partnerless. I can certainly see if any of this has changed.

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I went indoor rock climbing once on a date years ago and had a blast. It didn't hurt that I was only one of a handful of women in there. At the time it was really expensive and you were required to show up with a partner rather than the staff just pairing up the partnerless. I can certainly see if any of this has changed.

 

So after I wrote that post, I googled the climbing gyms in my city, I'm single too, so hey I should take my own advice haha--though I am gonna wait until it's warmer out to go to it. One of the gyms has a "Climbers without Partners" night each week, for people who don't have a partner!!! Maybe a gym near you has something similar. Or they may have an area for bouldering, so you can mess around there without needing a partner or the gear. Or maybe there is a meetup group that does rock-climbing so you will have a group to go with and don't need to worry about finding a partner

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I feel like I would like to know more about these organic remedies for your allergies. I definitely rely on the chemical variety, and that only does so much. I'm going to be training for a half-marathon all summer and I'm concerned about how this will be possible.

 

Do you have young professional groups in your area? We have a lot here and that could be a good way to go. The way they are here, there is one big one that is purely geared around young professionals and the business world. There are lots of other smaller groups that have a cause behind them, such as preservation, community service, etc. We also have groups for special interests like biking and running. It would help put you with a group of people around the same age with at least something in common. Again, this hasn't worked out for me yet, but I still hold out hope! I'm always meeting new people through these groups.

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One of the gyms has a "Climbers without Partners" night each week, for people who don't have a partner!!! Maybe a gym near you has something similar. Or they may have an area for bouldering, so you can mess around there without needing a partner or the gear.

 

I'll definitely ask about that because that would make it so much easier to do. Maybe they even have a drop in fee so I don't have to buy a whole membership.

 

I feel like I would like to know more about these organic remedies for your allergies. I definitely rely on the chemical variety, and that only does so much. I'm going to be training for a half-marathon all summer and I'm concerned about how this will be possible.

 

Do you have young professional groups in your area? We have a lot here and that could be a good way to go. The way they are here, there is one big one that is purely geared around young professionals and the business world. There are lots of other smaller groups that have a cause behind them, such as preservation, community service, etc. We also have groups for special interests like biking and running. It would help put you with a group of people around the same age with at least something in common. Again, this hasn't worked out for me yet, but I still hold out hope! I'm always meeting new people through these groups.

 

I'll pm you about the allergy stuff.

 

As for young professionals groups, that was the first thing I tried years ago to make new friends and such. I've tried again several times since then without any luck. It may just be my area, but they're mostly 20somethings that just go to happy hour or they put on events that are really just excuses to drink. I totally thought I'd fit in at the ones centered around supporting charities or having gone to a certain college or whatever, but no. That was really just the excuse to bring them together and then it was crack open the kegs. They're also not very friendly to new people, which I thought was disappointing. I figured there would be some 30something groups that might be less party focused, but I haven't found any. When I get the chance to go for my PhD I'll try this again in a whole new city and see if its better.

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