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Does he not want to meet me?


Amp33

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There's a guy I met on a dating site. We immediately hit it off when we first started chatting. Both of us told each other we had never clicked as well with anyone else as we have with each other just over conversation.

 

But the thing is.. we've been talking for nearly three months. He lives almost two hours away and he doesn't have a vehicle. So he hasn't been able to come here. He is real, we've talked on the phone and video chat regularly. There is no doubt in my mind that he is someone other than who he claims to be.

 

But today I told him, now that the roads are clearing up from winter I would be willing to drive to his city for us to finally meet. I said I had no problem with it at all. But he said he could never ask me to do that, and make me drive so far.. I told him it was not a problem. I told him I wanted to do it. And he still said he didn't want to make me do that. It also confuses me, because he is constantly saying things like "I wish you weren't so far away." and "I can't wait until we can hangout together and I can hold you."

 

Okay. Not going to lie, I'm upset.. If i offer and he keeps saying no, then obviously he doesn't want to meet me, right? He said he wants to wait a couple months until he fixes his project car. I don't know, I don't like this.. But I really like him.... I know people are going to tell me not to waste my time with him, but the way he talks to me, and the things we have in common are things that I RARELY find in other men. I've never found someone who listens to the same music as I do, and nobody who I feel so comfortable talking to about things... What do I do?? I want to meet him, but I don't want to be clingy or waste my time...

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Wow 3 months is a long time.

Could he be married, have a GF already? Sounds like he has something to hide. Why doesn't he drive?

Cant he catch transport and you meet him in the middle. If you do meet, you might not even like each other and then your 3 months have been wasted. I try and meet a person within a couple of weeks cause we can all hide behind our screens and pretend we are something we are not.

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Yep, i talked (emailed) a guy for 3 months. Every night from around 2am to 4 am. Longs emails. Told me what he did for a living, but now where exactly and wouldn't tell me exactly where he lived. He had no pic. But described himself. But wouldn't meet up with me. He said he worked these weird hours and got off at midnight...whatever. I told him i could bring him a lunch.

 

He kept saying he liked to talk to people a long time to get to know them before meeting. Oh yeah...he wouldn't talk to me on the phone either, didn't want to use min. it was a business ph.

 

Anyway, after 3 months...I was PISSED off...and told him so! And hurt. So i got off. I was always so tempted to return his emails,that i had to get off POF.

 

Months later when i was back on...he contacted me again, and said he missed our conversations. I wouldn't answer. It was hurtful, and i still don't know why. People said they thought he could be married. My opinion was that he was fat and ugly....and if you meet someone...then it's over. If you just keep having contact by emails...it can go as long as the other one is still a sucker.....

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Anyway, after 3 months...I was PISSED off...and told him so! And hurt. So i got off. I was always so tempted to return his emails,that i had to get off POF.

 

 

How did he react when you told him? I so badly want to tell this guy that I want to meet him or im just going to give up. But I don't want him to be freaked out by my possible over reaction..

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Just tell him you are not interested in having a relationship online, and you need to meet in person or it isn't going to work out. It'll force him to get a moving. 3 months is long for sure...I've probably gone on dates with 5 people who I met online, longest it took me to go out with one of them was like a month, one was as quick as the next day...mostly were in the week to two or so area.

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He is hiding something. It could be a gf or some problem that you can't see on video (a body problem, for example or some disease).

You know you're wasting your time, don't you..and that's fine, as long as you have time to waste, keep talking to him. Personally, I wouldn't waste one more minute on this guy. Unless all I wanted was an online b/f/

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You've mentioned this guy several times and your frustrations with not meeting him. He's definitely hiding something. I think you are wasting your time at this point. How many months are you willing to wait for this guy?

 

I agree.

 

You have offered to drive all the way to see him and he turns it down? A man who is interested in you would be flattered that you would do that for him, not dismissive and deflective of your effort.

 

Car, schmar! What insulting rubbish just to keep you there like some puppy dog begging for a bone! Incredibly selfish of him!

 

This man DOES NOT want to meet you. He is playing games with you and your emotions. He is a bs-er. He is wasting your time. I'd bet money on the fact that if you keep pushing him, he will miraculously disappear. You need to go before he does that to you.

 

How many more times are you going to post about this guy doing this to you before you start believing the people who are telling you the truth about who he is, what he is doing and that he doesnt want to meet you.

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He doesn't want to meet you and this is not an online romantic relationship. It's a chat buddy or an online friendship so I wouldn't use the word "relationship" with him- just say "I understand that you have certain things you want to do before meeting me in person. You're entitled. Since those things are more important to you I don't think it's a good idea if we stay in touch. I'm looking for someone who is excited to meet in person as soon as possible, to see if we should go on a date in the future and maybe even have a relationship if that works out. I don't have more time to spend typing and talking to you because I need to start spending time trying to meet someone who wants to meet in person as much as I do. Take care."

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You seem to know you're wasting time and at the same time reject the advice before its even given to move on and stop contacting him. As missmarple said, its your time to waste and that's fine if you have the time to waste.

He's clearly not interested in meeting. Wouldn't you rather date someone who was excited about meeting you?

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As the others have said he's either hiding something--i.e. a girlfriend/wife/his real appearance/some sort of emotional or mental problem he doesn't want you finding out about--or he just wants a fantasy girlfriend that he never has to deal with in reality. None of these things make the guy eligible and I'm always puzzled to see this sort of thing going on. Don't you want a guy who is there with you that you can go out and see and talk to and touch? Why invest so much time in someone who may or may not be the same in person? And I say that having once had a long distance relationship that lasted for over a year until I met him finally and found out that a) he was a drug and alcohol addict with zero interest in getting clean and b) not at all the person he'd presented himself to be over the phone and in letters (there was no Internet back in that day). I asked him about that and he told me he'd wanted me to like him so much that he just agreed to everything I said and said things he knew I wanted to hear. So at least he admitted it just before I got on a plane and left for good.

 

The thing you have to realize about online or long distance relationships, particularly those where you haven't even met the person, is that you don't really know them no matter how intimate or deep the conversations get. They could be, like my ex, simply mirroring what you say to create a false bond and affinity. That was my first thought when I saw your initial post where you go on about how much in common you both have. Of course he's not going to tell you, "Ugh, I hate that band" OR "I love to verbally abuse all service industry people, because I can get away with it." AND you don't get to see how they deal in the day-to-day. And let's face it, people can be really good actors up to a certain point, but in the light of day dealing with people around the both of you at least you get to see more of the truth--i.e. how he or she treats a waitress or the phone call from their mom will tell you a lot more about who you're dealing with than in the online world where they can be who they want to be or who you want to be.

 

No matter what the reason is though he doesn't want to meet you. A guy who really, really wants to meet you would have done so by now. Two hours is kind of nothing to travel to most given the large amount of public transport and friends or family who would willingly give someone a ride to meet that new guy or girl they're interested in. Yes, bad weather could be a factor, but you now see that it's not the factor since the roads are clear and you could drive there. I say let him go and wake up to the fact that this guy isn't relationship material no matter how much of a song and dance he's doing about it all. Actions, not words are the true yardstick by which you should measure someone's honesty and character. And his actions just show he's good at typing or saying things you wan to hear--a skill right up there with every con artist and manipulator on the planet.

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Hes probably a fake profile, or hes heavy and is trying to lose weight, or hes already involved with someone - regardless, how would you make this work? Are you really banking on you seeing him will change his mind and he will come see you often- because after 3 months hes not lifting his finger...

 

I would cut him off, dont waste your time.

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