Feeling alone in a room full of people

[Lucha]

So I went out tonight.. Got the right mindset, no expectations, just have some fun. It was awful though There were tons of people and I socialised as I am an outgoing person but boy.. I never felt so alone while being surrounded (an nearly crushed) by a huge amount of people. I saw lesbians getting drunk, fighting, dancing like they were beyonce herself, making out, gay men and transgenders hitting it off like they were in their bedroom, I saw people on drugs, on alcohol, whatever. Once again I found myself thinking "what the *** am I doing here?" On top of this lonely feeling I had, I saw three friends of mine who were previously single now all involved with someone new, making out, being happy, etc. I drove back home and at first I was okay, but then it just hit me again. I miss her so much, and I cant believe she forgot my bday I know it shouldn't matter but I find myself once again baffled at how a person can love you to pieces one day, and dump you without looking back the next. I remembered all the texts and emails I had sent her right after the BU and how they all got ignored. This was the same girl that called me every night for 6 hours straight during months! I just cannot believe it, it hurts too much to accept it. I think I might never get over this, no matter how much no contact. I miss her. Sorry but I needed to vent somewhere...

[silversoul]

I saw lesbians getting drunk, fighting, dancing like they were beyonce herself, making out, gay men and transgenders hitting it off like they were in their bedroom, I saw people on drugs, on alcohol, whatever.

 

Sounds pretty damn depressing. Why don't you go to places like book clubs, evening courses, movie clubs where you can actually have meaningful conversations and connect with people?

[MissLHR]

I think because your still feeling so vulnerable..putting yourself into vulnerable situations is going to make things so much worse for you!!

I agree with silversoul..are there things you enjoy doing that you can go out and do with a close friend or group? Take you away from the relationship scene of a club? It's just going to hurt you and bring back memories.

I hope your ok xx

[bulletproof]

I know it shouldn't matter but I find myself once again baffled at how a person can love you to pieces one day, and dump you without looking back the next.

 

I can speak from experience that the other person usually does not fall out of love in a day. It hurt me terribly to let certain people go, but I just knew it wasn't right anymore. It's not that I didn't look back- I did, fondly- but I knew I had to resist all the pleas because I was just going to end up hurting that person more down the road.

[vaxxter510]

and I cant believe she forgot my bday

 

My bday is coming up soon and my ex's bday is only a week after. Funny thing is, we started our relationship on her bday last year, and we used to talk about that night quite often during our relationship since it was the moment when everything started and our first kiss. It would've been our first anniversary.

 

Well we are in very different positions now, I have no expectations of getting a message from her and I won't be replying if she tries to communicate on my bday. My bday is about me not her. Also, I won't be contacting her on her bday.

 

Having expectations prolongs the pain. Fantasizing what to reply when you get "the message" keeps you attached. And when you don't get it the pain is worst than before. Have no expectations my friend. You keep loosing by holding on, but you loose NOTHING by letting go. Expect nothing and you will be free from further frustration and disappointment. Once you let go, if you do get that message, you might not even care anymore. That's my objective during this process.

 

And since your bday just passed, how about spoiling yourself with a nice present and celebrate the entire week with the folks that actually care about you? You deserve a present just for having the courage to deal with all this BS.

[Twidom]

You see your friends involved with other people. So what? Is that much of a big deal? Be happy for them.

 

As for you, things WILL get better. I promise. I hit the 4 month mark a few days and and let me tell you... I feel so, so, SO much better right now it's hard to believe I was down a few weeks ago.

It doesn't matter how others feel or what they're doing. You're the one who really matter here. Focus on you. Do what you love and time will do the rest.

[Damaged70]

Lucha, I have read your posts in the past, and I feel for you! Its hardcore what you are going through. I had my butt kicked around also, and have felt the same way, we just have to do some self talk and get past the pain and realize that we are awesome!!

[kmoua7]

hey Lucha. I've read your posts here and there. I know what you're going through. In my situation, it was his birthday that was coming up. I don't think that she forgot your birthday. She remembers...she had flashbacks...and she will always have those memories but she isnt going to tell you happy birthday or call you up because its over. You have to think to yourself, are you that forgettable? No. She left a piece of herself with you as you gave her a piece of you. So she didn't forget your bday. she is moving on without you. i know its hard to bear...but if you convince yourself, you will someday think of her without all the pain and questions. It has been a whole year for me since my 7 year relationship and I can tell you that it DOES get better.

[wilyone 11]

Hey there Lucha.

 

I think eventually you are going to realize that all of this venting, and focusing on all this negative stuff, doesn't actually make you feel better.

 

You received some absolutely brilliant advice from Lavender Love recently on another thread and you are totally ignoring it. She practically wrote a novel for you.

 

Whatever you focus on, you create more of. When you focus on how miserable and unhappy you are, you are going to feel more and more miserable and unhappy.

 

You have to shift your thought patterns if you truly want to feel better.

[jonyyy]

Lucha if you just want to hang out and have fun, why don't you try do that with you heterosexual friends or in an heterosexual environment? Reading what you post it seems that the gay community in your area is not the best socialization spot for you.

[bison67]

I feel the same way going out with friends, like i did last night. Drinking and stuff at the bars, talking to girls, trying to have fun. I put on a happy face and people think im doing better. But inside i feel destroyed, i just want her at the end of the night, other women arent comparing, when i first met my ex it hit me right away how amazing she was. I just want her at the end of the night and to wake up next to her, want it all to be better again... the hangover sucks too... brutal anxiety

[Lucha]

Lucha if you just want to hang out and have fun, why don't you try do that with you heterosexual friends or in an heterosexual environment? Reading what you post it seems that the gay community in your area is not the best socialization spot for you.

 

 

Hi jonyyy unfortunately all my straight friends have already settled and they don't come out very often. Just working on their own little life you know.. It sucks really...

[lavenderdove]

Lucha, that party you attended sounds like a frat or teen party out of control. At 24, you need to start thinking about pursuing more adult situations that are more like adults talking and getting to know one another than like a circus.

 

Why not try to shift your social life to revolve more around ADULTS rather than overgrown teenagers? Most people who are interested in finding a partner and living an adult life at your age are shifting more to dinner parties and social functions like going out to dinner that aren't about drinking themselves stupid and making out in front the the whole world behaving like teenagers. Perhaps you need to find a better crowd to associate with!

 

One of the problems you had with your ex was that she was a big party girl and drinker and really sounds like she was very immature for her age and hence not ready for a long term partner or to settle down. You need to try to put yourself in situations where you'll meet people who are more serious and want to form permanent partnerships rather than these wild parties that are about nothing but acting out and hedonist/narcissistic displays more appropriate to teenagers than adults.

 

You are actually better off trying something like online dating than these party girl/boy scenarios if you are looking for an adult partner to settle down with (though you aren't ready to date yet based on your current obsession with your ex). But when you are, you need to screen people down to those who are looking for a settled life and a partner rather than immature people not ready for that yet.

 

And you need to stay away from these circus situations like that if it depresses you.

 

btw, you say you can't believe that your ex 'forgot' your birthday. You have to keep in mind that you need to stop tracking events with her because she is not your partner and not in your life anymore. She may or may not have remembered your birthday, but since she is not your GF anymore, so it is not appropriate for her to call you on that day (or any other day) if she has let go and moved on. So that is the real reason you didn't hear from her and it isn't about 'forgetting' or not.