Jump to content

shy? not into me? maybe i screwed it up?


lindsayc

Recommended Posts

so last week I met some friends at a bar. my friend tom was there to see his friends band play and while they were playing Tom is telling me about his friend Mike in the band and how great of a guy he is and how he thinks he would really like me and we should talk, HOWEVER tom says "he is really really shy and doesn't know how to talk to girls" (hes 28) and that they had just had a conversation about how shy and weird he is with girls but how he really wants to meet someone. Tom also tells me that Mikes mother had just passed away earlier that week from cancer. My mother also passed away from cancer two years ago so i kind of felt like i might know what hes going though. Anyway, I agree to let him introduce me to him after their set and Mike and I talk for a minute, really casual. He had a lot of friends at the bar who had come to see him play so he was being pulled all around and we didn't really get another chance to talk. While im sitting at the bar though i can see him keep looking at me.

 

The night ends and Mike had been outside for a while packing up his equipment and I didn't see him again until I was leaving the bar. He and tom and toms girlfriend Kelly (my friend who invited me out) were standing together and call me over as i'm leaving and we start talking about an after party. Im pretty tired at this point and not really into going out again but Mike asks me to come and after a few minutes of him trying to convince me i give in and we all go back to his apartment. (Didnt seem too shy to me at this point but he was also a little drunk).

We dont even really get a chance to talk while im at his house not alone anyway but i still had a good time and was content that i made a new friend if nothing else. While we're all hanging out Tom asks me if i gave Mike my number yet and I say "no he didn't ask for it". Tom again tells me Mike is super shy and I should just give it to him. (im pretty shy, insecure when talking to guys as well and if someone doesnt show me a clear interest I dont put myself out there). When I leave Mike walks me to my car and it was really icey out so he held my hand so I didnt fall and i thought this would be the time he would ask for my number. We get to my car and he hugs me goodbye and says thanks for coming out and thats pretty much it!! No number, no future plans, nothing. Im a little disappointed but I realize hes just been through a lot with his mom and i didnt want to pressure him or make him uncomfortable if he really is as shy as Tom says so I just leave, a little disappointed.

 

Two days later Kelly, Toms girlfriend texts me that they were going out that night to see Mikes band play and that Mike asked her to ask me to come. So I was really excited and ended up going to see him play. While im there he barely talks to me. He says hello and gives me a hug says its a nice surprise that im there and then disappears and talks to all his friends at the bar and pays me little attention. I can see him and Tom talking about me accross the bar though at one point. So I just think hes not into me at all and thats fine and just continue to have a good time with my friends. A little while later Mike goes out to smoke and i join him because this is pretty much the only chance we have to talk alone and i wanted to see what would happen. He apologizes for not really having a chance to talk to me that night and he says "I do like you but i've been in a funk". I can tell its about his mom and i can tell hes struggling to tell me whats going on (Toms the only one who told me about his mom) so I say he doesn't have to tell me anything if he doesn't want to but Tom already told me what was going on and that I had been in the same situation with my mother passing away from cancer. He tell me that its a huge relief to hear this and i give him a hug. More of his friends come outside so i go inside happy that we had a chance to talk alone. Things seemed better when he came back in and he seemed a little more open to hang around me.

 

Cut to the end of the night he played another set and im getting ready to leave so he walks my friend and I out. I walk my friend to her car and meet back up with Mike at his car where hes packing his stuff up. As hes walking me to my car he asks if i want to stay and hang out for a little bit at the bar and I agree to. We hang out for a little longer and as were leaving the bar at closing he asks me to come back to his house. I agree and I follow him home where its just he and I and we have a great conversation about his mom and just try to get to know each other a little better which I think went really great. We had a lot in common and i really enjoyed talking to him. He asks me if Im going to crash at his house (we had been drinking) and i tell him i guess so but felt a little uncomfortable about it. We end up in his room and he makes all the moves (shy my ass), starts to kiss me and one thing led to another and we drunkenly ended up sleeping together. After it happened nothing was weird we talked more and everything seemed really natural and fine and we fell asleep.

In the morning things were a little awkward and I just wanted to run out of there i felt so upset that i had let that happen but i tried not to show it. He hints at getting breakfast but didnt really straight forwardly ask me to stay and hang out so i just got up with the intention of leaving. He walks me out to my car and it was still super icey out and he falls HARD on his ass and we laugh. So he holds my hand the rest of the way to my car so i dont fall. We exchange an awkward goodbye.

 

I dont hear from him the rest of that day, or the next and start freaking out. Im unsure if i should text him or wait for him to text me still, basically driving myself crazy. While hanging out him i noticed that he didnt check his phone much at all. I never saw him text anyone or ever have his phone out and when we were at his house i noticed he had a lot of missed text messages or phone calls that he didnt even care to look at. So hes not a phone person i try to tell myself. I give in and text him on the 2nd day after talking to my sister about it. she told me just to say something funny and light so i text him "remember when you fell" and he texts me back "yea my sore ass reminds me every day!!" and i say "haha i was going to ask you how your ass felt" and he replies "beaten and bruised!!" and then I asked him what he was doing this weekend and he never responded. I know he was on his way to playing a show with his band so i waited and thought maybe he would text me back after the show, but i still got no response.

 

Im really sad that i feel like this got screwed up I really like him. Im unsure if he was really into me at first and just down about his mom and shy and in funk as he said or just not that into me. If he is that shy and weird with girls maybe he feel weird about what happened as well. Im sure our mutual friends will ask him if hes talked to me so maybe that will help. I also dont want to pressure things if hes having a hard time right now. Im unsure where to go from here. I want to try to hang out again, but if he doesnt respond to my text tomorrow do i let it go or try to text him one more time? Tom seemed to imply that he needs a lot of nudging when it comes to girls but he didnt seem to have a problem asking me to stay at the bar or come over. I just really hope this isnt the end of the story.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nothing to wonder about. The guy wanted sex. He got sex. He didn't contact you afterwards. You contacted him first and he stopped responding. Nothing 'shy' in his behaviour..just a typical guy who had a good time and that's all.

If it helps, I don't think anything got screwed up. There was nothing to get screwed up in the first place. If I were you, I wouldn't try to contact him again unless you're looking for a FWB situation.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have to question how good of friends Tom and Kelly are to you, because they must have known how Mike is, and yet they still pushed you to get involved with him. Tom probably figured it would be fun to have you and Mike hook up, but it looks like he's the only one who really wanted something to happen, as Mike doesn't sound like he was all that interested to begin with.

I don't get the feeling at all that Mike's behaviour is caused by shyness or by being in pain after his mom's death. A shy guy doesn't act like that. And guys in bands usually are the farthest thing from shy, lol. I'm guessing Tom must have told him you were very interested in him, Mike believed it because you jumped on every chance they gave you to see him, and figured why not at least get some easy sex out of it. You made that easy too, so there is really nothing to wonder about. Most guys would take the chance to sex a girl, if that chance presented itself. He got what he wanted, he may keep you on the roster as a booty call, or for some night "fun" after he's done playing with the band, but I don't get the feeling he would want more than that. And if you didn't sleep with him that night, you would have probably never heard from him anyway.

 

So to make things clear, he doesn't respond to your texts not because he's having a hard time, it's because he is not interested in more than some more sex, which he assumes you will give him again even without him having to text you too much. LOL at Tom suggesting he needs a lot of nudging when it comes to girls - that's rich! Do yourself a huge favor and don't listen to Tom, and don't chase after a guy who is not into you! When a man likes a woman, he doesn't need any nudging, trust me. Especially a guy who already had sex with you! Don't be naïve, tell Tom to mind his own life and don't go out with them anymore. Stay away from Mike and don't get involved in that lifestyle.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well thank you for the honesty. I feel like I already know this I just needed it to be reaffirmed. I am not going to contact him again. Im better friends with Kelly than Tom, I just met Tom. But why practically force feed me your friend? I had no interest in him at all until Tom decided to tell me all about him. The whole thing is weird to me now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...