Is he my boyfriend? Does he want to be? Is it too early to even bring that up?

[sophie274]

I think his wishy-washiness is saying pretty clearly that he's not interested in a relationship with you. To me, this "let's take things slow" and "I don't know what I want" is code for "he's just not that into you". Or perhaps just not into having a relationship right now, but the result is the same for you.

 

You can have another talk with him, but I think you should be honest with yourself about what you want and be ready to walk away. From what you've written on here, I really don't think you want a casual dating situation, and if you try to convince yourself you do, so that you can keep seeing this guy, I think you're going to end up really hurt, disappointed and upset.

[Ms Darcy]

Agree with Thor, Greta, Sophie etc ... he is making it clear that he is not interested in what you want, which is to build a future.

 

Hard lesson #1: If you are a commitment type of gal (like me), no sex before commitment (e.g. bf/gf status).

[Iggles]

I think his wishy-washiness is saying pretty clearly that he's not interested in a relationship with you. To me, this "let's take things slow" and "I don't know what I want" is code for "he's just not that into you". Or perhaps just not into having a relationship right now, but the result is the same for you.

 

I agree. If a man wants to be with you, he moves the relationship forward. He doesn't want to risk leaving you in the market for some other guy to lock down.

 

Hard lesson #1: If you are a commitment type of gal (like me), no sex before commitment (e.g. bf/gf status).

 

True.. I was so nervous when I initiated the talk with my now boyfriend. But I really wanted him to stay the night and I wasn't willing to do so without knowing where we stood.

[Emerald]

Hey guys!

 

I just wanted to let you know that we did have a talk and well, to make a long story short, we're still together

It's not always easy because I've discovered that he struggles expressing his feelings, but he does care about me and we're now both willing to move things forward. It's a difficult time for him because of his job; he's really busy and stuff, but I understand and try my best to support him ^^ We'll soon discuss going somewhere together, for a long weekend. He loves travelling and does it a lot, as he has friends all over Europe, but I made a point to him that I'd like to travel with him now!

I almost told him I loved him the other day, but I'm afraid to pressure him, since it's not easy for him to express his feelings. Also it's difficult for me too, since he's my first boyfriend! I sometimes don't really know what to say or how to behave; should I be more direct in expressing what I want, etc... ^^

But things are going great. Apart from the fact that he's abroad at the moment and that I miss him a lot

[Batya33]

It's not about labeling at all. You want to know what his intentions are towards you and your interactions. Right now despite having sex you're casually dating. If you're comfortable having him inside of you then you should feel comfortable asking him simply and directly "what are your intentions towards me?" My sense is he assumes you are ok with dating casually for now. You are single -you're not engaged to him, you're not even exclusive with him from all you know. Put the fact that you had intercourse aside - that was your choice to do without first talking about intentions and it sounds like you are enjoying having sex with him.

 

As an aside I think you have to talk about STD testing, birth control options and what you would do if a pregnancy resulted.

[itsallgrand]

Did he actually tell you that he only wants to see you? What are his intentions?

 

Your update was rather vague.

 

Overall the impression I am getting though is that you take this a whole lot more seriously than he does. "I'm willing to try and want to keep seeing you" can be as simple as being willing to try dating you. With no other expectations or boundaries involved.

 

I'll be honest. I'm pretty leery of this guy for you. He knew how to make you feel really comfortable, and sexually open, early on to knowing him. He wasn't offering anything but a good time. He's gone a lot, and mentioned moving. And he knew you were a virgin; yet went ahead and had sex with you so early. I'm not saying he is a bad guy - but the kind of guy that right now is looking to be many people's lover, not a boyfriend to anyone. Just my impression.

[Emerald]

We are exclusive; that was discussed a while ago. And he's not moving to Paris! He's staying here in Switzerland.

As for the virgin thing, it was totally up to ME to have sex with him. He didn't pressure me at all. I wanted it, I was ready. I couldn't have hoped for a better first time And he IS my boyfriend. That too was established a while ago

[Batya33]

We are exclusive; that was discussed a while ago. And he's not moving to Paris! He's staying here in Switzerland.

As for the virgin thing, it was totally up to ME to have sex with him. He didn't pressure me at all. I wanted it, I was ready. I couldn't have hoped for a better first time And he IS my boyfriend. That too was established a while ago

 

I'm glad you had a good experience with your first time. I agree with Itsallgrand to proceed with caution. Be careful to think of things as "he has trouble expressing his feelings" vs. "he doesn't want to express his feelings because he doesn't feel the same feelings that I do".

[Emerald]

He did tell me he cared about me ^^ And he shows me, in his own way.

[itsallgrand]

I'm glad to hear things are going well.

 

Yes, of course, it was your choice to have sex with him. I was going with the overall information on the thread so far. And that played into my impression about his lack of seriousness because he had said "Let's take this slow". Usually when someone really does want to take things slow to get to know you and if there is potential for something, it includes keeping the sexual slow as well. How it went down didn't look too good from where I was reading it.

 

But I hope things do continue to work out for you.

[Emerald]

You know, we're still learning to know each other ^^ He had really sh**y experiences in the past, with girls. He's told me a lot about his past, and I've told him about mine. It was actually really enlightening. You should have seen him when he came back from a two-week business trip in the US. He was so happy to see me, at one point I thought he wouldn't let go off me XD

[Batya33]

That's great that he's showing that he cares. Many people have bad experiences in the past but when they meet someone who is potentially a good match they choose the new person over their fears. I'm glad he has shared that information with you. It sounds like you're comfortable taking things at his pace which is all that matters.