mbee Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 So I'm moving to Aus sometime in the next month! It's driving me a bit crazy since I have NO IDEA when I'm leaving. I'm awaiting my visa to get approved and my company will fly me out shortly after that. Could happen as soon as the first week of March or as late as the first week of April. Anyway, per the suggestion of a few people I know from real life (who successfully started relationships from a very long distance), I started the process of online dating and meeting new friends and stated in my profile that I'd be moving there sometime soon. Like many folks I've tended to have bad luck with online dating, so really didn't have any expectations at all and figured I wouldn't meet anyone interesting since that was the case when I was doing serious online dating for many months earlier last year. Anyway, a few weeks ago a guy emailed me. From his profile alone, we had a lot in common. Anyway, somehow we have been writing each other emails that are about 3-4 pages long. We've also been talking about the same topics consistently (having so much in common) that it feels like a very long conversation spanning weeks. We usually reply to each other every 4 days (we are both busy and these emails personally take me 2-3 hours to write) so this isn't something where I'm putting my life on hold or letting it get in the way of things. He always takes about 4 days to reply so I imagine it's the same for him. At our rate we both send each other a very long email (~3000 words) once a week. I just honestly feel really silly exchanging lengthy emails with someone I haven't met yet and I've read so many horror stories about having an amazing connection online and then it going terribly when meeting up that I've been constantly worried this may be the case with this person. Anyway what's your opinion on this? Keep exchanging emails until I fly out there? Maybe delay my replies even further? Be straight up honest and let him know that maybe it would be best to just put this on pause till I'm there. He did ask to meet me once I arrive so we are both cool with meeting. It's mainly an issue of me not knowing when I'll arrive which will likely be sometime before April and worrying that maybe I'm having unrealistic expectations by exchanging these long email messages. Again, I'm trying to keep my expectations low and remembering we may not even click as friends but would love your opinion on how to best handle this? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 Have you successfully been able to keep your expectations low in terms of dating or do you consistently get burned? Link to comment
mbee Posted February 21, 2014 Author Share Posted February 21, 2014 Have you successfully been able to keep your expectations low in terms of dating or do you consistently get burned? I've usually kept them low. I can't remember the last time I've been burned from dating honestly (my ex doesn't count since that was a 2 year relationship). Even the last guy I was seeing, that went badly, but my expectations were low so it was pretty easy to move on and I didn't feel upset or anything. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 IF that is the case, I see no problem continuing. I would cut down on the length of the messages though. Leave a little mystery and room to get to know each other. Link to comment
chr8st8na Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 wow... those are long emails. It's like pen pal letters. But I've heard stories where pen pals end up marrying each other. i think you might be overanalyzing the situation tho. have you thought about picking up the phone and talking to him? I chatted with someone for hours online and was hesistant about actually hearing him on the phone because i thought it might kill off our rapport. The phone was sooooo much better because you can actually hear them laugh and their tone. Link to comment
mbee Posted February 21, 2014 Author Share Posted February 21, 2014 wow... those are long emails. It's like pen pal letters. But I've heard stories where pen pals end up marrying each other. i think you might be overanalyzing the situation tho. have you thought about picking up the phone and talking to him? I chatted with someone for hours online and was hesistant about actually hearing him on the phone because i thought it might kill off our rapport. The phone was sooooo much better because you can actually hear them laugh and their tone. Hopefully I'm overanalyzing it! I'm not a big fan of online dating, and this is the only time where I've really spent a great deal of time getting to know someone before meeting them. I did meet my ex online and we exchanged emails but it was only 2-3 paragraphs at a time and we certainly didn't get this in depth in our conversations, like it didn't actually feel like a conversation, more of Q&A. I'll try to find a time to talk on the phone or skype if possible since that would be ideal. I've considered it but it's a 17 hour time difference and with me moving, I feel like I'm constantly busy during the evenings with family, friends, moving or just simply relaxing. Link to comment
icecreamaddict Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 Personally, I would probably just put the conversations on hold until moving there (and let him know this). There are so many things in life to enjoy that writing long messages online with someone you have never met... besides you may just be getting your hopes up about how great he is, when in person he may be completely different. Link to comment
mbee Posted February 21, 2014 Author Share Posted February 21, 2014 Personally, I would probably just put the conversations on hold until moving there (and let him know this). There are so many things in life to enjoy that writing long messages online with someone you have never met... besides you may just be getting your hopes up about how great he is, when in person he may be completely different. I've been considering this too. He just sent me an email yesterday that I really would feel bad about not responding to, but it'll be another couple of days before I can sit down for a couple of hours and reply. I know I'll need to do this soon eventually. Once my visa gets approved, I'll be flying back to the head quarters to return my equipment, saying very quick farewells to coworkers, back to my hometown to retrieve my stuff, then preparing for the long 20 hour flight, then dealing with accommodations and finding a place, meaning I probably wont have much time to talk to him for about 1-2 weeks anyway. Link to comment
icecreamaddict Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 I've been considering this too. He just sent me an email yesterday that I really would feel bad about not responding to, but it'll be another couple of days before I can sit down for a couple of hours and reply. I know I'll need to do this soon eventually. Once my visa gets approved, I'll be flying back to the head quarters to return my equipment, saying very quick farewells to coworkers, back to my hometown to retrieve my stuff, then preparing for the long 20 hour flight, then dealing with accommodations and finding a place, meaning I probably wont have much time to talk to him for about 1-2 weeks anyway. I'm sure if you explain the situation and say that you enjoy talking to him, would like to pick things back up when you are moved and settled that he would understand. e Link to comment
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