He finally called. Should I call him back? 60 days of no contact.

[Tanzi]

As a guy this doesn't make much sense for me. If I was in this situation and my fiance told me how disappointed she was with the relationship, over text, and we broke up and then she blocked me, my thought would be that she doesn't want to be with me. Even if I tried calling once or twice my take away from this would be that I wanted to marry this person, they felt I wasn't good enough and then they broke up and blocked me.

 

But he broke up with her not the other way around. And she never said she was disappointed in the relationship …. she was disappointed because, although they were engaged, he wasn't making any efforts towards getting married. If his answer to her concerns was to end the relationship then I think that speaks volumes. Taking all this into consideration, I'm not sure how the onus is on him to come to the conclusion that she didn't want to be with him etc, when she evidently did want to marry him and he was the one to end the relationship anyway. If he has had a change of heart I would have thought he would have gone to far more lengths than one phone call in two months.

 

And I don't mean these questions sarcastically, I'd really like to understand this thought process, because the one I have suggests she really really needs to call him and tell him what he's worth to her. And not run away further. Clearly there are at least three other people who are seeing something else.

 

I think we need to remember that she also said this …..

 

I purposefully left out a bunch of ugly details that are pertinent to the situation. I mostly left them out because I am embarrassed that I want to be with someone who treated me like trash.

 

So, to me, telling her to contact him is like sending her into the lion's den. For that reason, and because HE ended the relationship at a time when she needed his support, I don't think she should be calling him, telling him what he is worth to her. it should be the other way around!

 

 

The simple face that he initiated a phone call says everything. There is an opportunity there for something. It's about taking a chance and making that call back. I think blocking the # in the first place and looking to see that the call came in 30 days ago is a bit of a mis step. He may very well have given up at this point, but there still could be a chance.

 

I say call. Good luck.

 

Given up? He already did that two months ago. If he wants her back, he hasn't exactly proved it or made much of an effort. One phone call that was never followed up with any other means of communication doesn't say much at all imho.

 

And anyway, if he "gives up" after one phone call, what is that saying?

 

There was a reason the relationship ended and we mustn't forget the role he played in that.

[Mari]

Thanks for responding, your explanation makes sense. I guess that part I'm unclear about is how did the break up happen and what was said. It seems like someone broke up, then both of them went NC without explanation. OP, can you clarify what happened when you were breaking up? What was said during that time?

[AutumnBorn]

 

This relationship has negatively affected me at my core. My self esteem is shot. I can't sleep. I've lost weight. I can't stop crying. I can't focus at school or at work. I am really having a hard time. I will be going to a therapist next week. Hopefully the therapist can help me get out of this fog.

 

I recommend you try affirmations to help get your self-esteem back. They helped me tremendously when my husband left me (not that my self-esteem was anywhere near optimum when we were together - he was emotionally abusive). I picked up a book on how to do them, but short, positive, present statements (I had 30 of them: "I have perfect skin", "I am worthy of love", "I am kind") or statements you wish were true. Here's a poor affirmation: I am beautiful (not specific enough). Here's a good affirmation: "I have a cute nose" (specific, present - not future or past, positive). Keep all words positive - avoid "no", "not" - and future words - "will". Make a list. Read the list every day. Every day write out one of them at least 20 times in long hand (which helps seal the positive statement by working another area of the brain).

 

Also, I made a plan to become the one who got away. I went on a self-improvement crusade that took my mind off my ex (even though I did it in order to re-attract him, which it did, just so I could deny him access to me when he wanted it). It helped me focus on myself and what I needed to do in order to feel good about myself.

 

Years later, my ex is still flirting with and hitting on me, and told me he compares all women to me and has told me he knows he could never get a woman like me now. I, however, am in another relationship with a truly amazing man who adores me. I'd never settle for the likes of my ex again.

 

Perhaps you should do the same? Talk with your therapist about it.

[jphcbpa]

Years later, my ex is still flirting with and hitting on me, and told me he compares all women to me and has told me he knows he could never get a woman like me now. I, however, am in another relationship with a truly amazing man who adores me. I'd never settle for the likes of my ex again.

 

Very happy for you!!!!