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He finally called. Should I call him back? 60 days of no contact.


nclady

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My ex fiancée dumped me two months ago with no explanation. We have not talked since then.

 

Today I looked on my caller ID and discovered that he called me a month ago but I had his number blocked. Should I call him back or continue no contact and wait for him to call me again? I really love this man but he broke my heart into a million pieces and left me when I needed his emotional support. I can't handle another rejection. I have no idea why he called. I desperately want to reconcile.

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No...do not call him back!!!

No No NO.

He walked out with no explanation.

He called a while ago from blocked # (though how you know it was him is odd).

And he has not done any further contact.

 

How in gods good green earth could you ever trust him again?

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My ex fiancée dumped me two months ago with no explanation. We have not talked since then.

 

Today I looked on my caller ID and discovered that he called me a month ago but I had his number blocked. Should I call him back or continue no contact and wait for him to call me again? I really love this man but he broke my heart into a million pieces and left me when I needed his emotional support. I can't handle another rejection. I have no idea why he called. I desperately want to reconcile.

 

You should call him back and tell him that you were hurting really bad and that's why you had him blocked. You're doing a little better now so you unblocked him and noticed the call. If you want to reconcile with him, not talking to him and hoping he'll call again isn't going to help you. You should call him as soon as possible, but without positive or negative expectations.

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My ex fiancée dumped me two months ago with no explanation. We have not talked since then.

 

Today I looked on my caller ID and discovered that he called me a month ago but I had his number blocked. Should I call him back or continue no contact and wait for him to call me again? I really love this man but he broke my heart into a million pieces and left me when I needed his emotional support. I can't handle another rejection. I have no idea why he called. I desperately want to reconcile.

 

I really think you should not call him back. If he left you when you needed him, how can you rely on him to actually marry you, stay with you, be commited to you? You can't. If he dumped you with no explanation, that also shows a great amount of disrespect as well. It seems like you would get strung along at best.

 

I would recommend that you stay NO CONTACT. If you are desperate and you contact him, you will get your heart broken again.

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I have Google voice as my home phone which shows blocked phone calls. I also changed my cell phone number so he can't reach me. The only available ways he can contact me now would be email, snail mail or at work.

 

I agree that one phone call is not much effort.

 

The day that he broke up with me I sent him some text messages telling him how disappointed I was with the state of our relationship. I assume that is the reason for the breakup.

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I have Google voice as my home phone which shows blocked phone calls. I also changed my cell phone number so he can't reach me. The only available ways he can contact me now would be email, snail mail or at work.

 

I agree that one phone call is not much effort.

 

The day that he broke up with me I sent him some text messages telling him how disappointed I was with the state of our relationship. I assume that is the reason for the breakup.

Hmmm, yeah i think nothing is going to come out of this if you call him. If my girlfriend said that to me i would have a talk with her, we have many heart to heart talks, i wouldn't run away, if he was really trying he has your email, he could email you.

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I was disappointed because we had been engaged over a year and no wedding date had been set. It seemed like he was afraid and dragging his feet. To make matters worse, we were in a long distance relationship with no solid plans to move closer to each other.

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I was disappointed because we had been engaged over a year and no wedding date had been set. It seemed like he was afraid and dragging his feet. To make matters worse, we were in a long distance relationship with no solid plans to move closer to each other.

 

To me anyway being engaged means having a wedding date and an engagement ring (or at least the month in which you're planning to marry). Sounds like this was called an engagement but you two were not committed to getting married. If he really wanted you back he would want to make absolutely sure you knew he called and that you knew what he wanted to say to you.

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If he called yesterday, I would call him back. He called ONE time a month ago. If he really wanted to reach you, he has your email address. He could have written something carefully thought out with no risk of having to speak to you face to face. I think the reason why you are now wondering about his call is you yourself have not moved on and are using that as a glimmer of hope. The only contact I would respond to is an email from him telling you he made the biggest mistake of his life, or that he was in a horrible car accident the day you sent those texts, woke up from a coma but didn't have the nerve or the physical ability to call you for a month.

 

I think with not having plans to be physically together and no plans of a wedding date, plus a disappearance - you have dodged a bullet.

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I'm with Ms. Darcy and Mhowe on this one. How can someone who was going to marry you just up and disappear and give no explanation? That's stone cold and a really hateful thing to do and he's bound to know it. Calling you once a month ago could mean a million things, but since it was only once I'd say it wasn't about getting back together. If he wanted you back he knows where he could go in person to see you, right? That's what someone who wasn't a coward who sincerely wanted someone back or at least to make things right would do and he didn't do that.

 

If you can't let it go then go ahead and call him back. But don't do it unless you're totally prepared for anything and I do mean anything he may tell you including, "Hey, I'm getting married and I really need that ring I gave you," OR "I need you to pay off these bills for me" etc. So yes, if you can totally hear the very, very worst thing he has to tell you or the very, very best thing and still know that you will be fine and you will be able to carry on without him then return the call. Otherwise you may seriously want to rethink doing that. That said a simple text along the lines of, "Look, I see you called after I had you blocked. Not sure why, but unless you seriously want to get back together I don't really care what you have to say." Send it and give him a week to respond and after that block him again and move on with your life.

 

The bottom line is if he really wanted to make things right he knows where and how to find you. But when someone does something of that magnitude I'm not even sure there's anything they could do to make you ever fully trust them again. People do break up for all sorts of reasons and the good ones will have enough love and empathy and basic human kindness to tell their SO why they're breaking up. My own experience is it's the bad ones who don't, because they lack a little thing called empathy. It's not normal to disappear out of the blue and leave the person you claimed to love reeling with loss like that. It just isn't.

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Thank you all for your responses. Intuitively I know I shouldn't call him just to keep myself sane. On the other hand my heart longs for him. We were together two years. We planned a life together. Unfortunately, I made him the center of my life. That was my biggest mistake.

 

I purposefully left out a bunch of ugly details that are pertinent to the situation. I mostly left them out because I am embarrassed that I want to be with someone who treated me like trash. After doing some research, I think he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (or at least a lot of of the traits). I want to warn people. If you date someone who tells you, you are "The One" after one month, run in the other direction.

 

This relationship has negatively affected me at my core. My self esteem is shot. I can't sleep. I've lost weight. I can't stop crying. I can't focus at school or at work. I am really having a hard time. I will be going to a therapist next week. Hopefully the therapist can help me get out of this fog.

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There is no need to be embarrassed. Our emotions don't always do what we want them to do!!

 

The point is, as much as you want to be with him, you know that it is better for you in the long run NOT to be with him. Instead of going backwards by contacting him and therefore filling yourself full of hope, you need to focus your energies on getting yourself to a place where you don't want to call him or to hear from him. That isn't going to be easy ….. and if you call him you would be sending yourself back to the beginning of your journey.

 

Remember, you are a wonderful person and you don't need someone in your life who makes you feel like this. Keep moving forwards. You will find happiness … but you won't find it if you keep going backwards.

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I have Google voice as my home phone which shows blocked phone calls. I also changed my cell phone number so he can't reach me. The only available ways he can contact me now would be email, snail mail or at work.

 

I agree that one phone call is not much effort.

 

The day that he broke up with me I sent him some text messages telling him how disappointed I was with the state of our relationship. I assume that is the reason for the breakup.

 

As a guy this doesn't make much sense for me. If I was in this situation and my fiance told me how disappointed she was with the relationship, over text, and we broke up and then she blocked me, my thought would be that she doesn't want to be with me. Even if I tried calling once or twice my take away from this would be that I wanted to marry this person, they felt I wasn't good enough and then they broke up and blocked me. I waited a month for them to cool down and then I called them and still they didn't respond to me. At that point it would be up to the girl to contact me. And she would have to explain how in the future we could avoid her being so disappointed in me. I would not be running to this girl or pouring a ton of effort as she was just so disappointed in me.

 

The advice I'm reading suggests that "he didn't put in enough effort". I honestly don't understand that so for my sake what would've constituted as enough effort? Should he have called 200 times while she blocked him and would that be romantic or make him a stalker? Does he need to be stalker material before he's considered acceptable? When would it have been too much effort, and what specific set of actions is everyone looking for?

 

The way I see it, the only information we have right now is they were engaged, long distance, she was unhappy and let him know, things ended and she blocked him. Now, after two months, she's feeling the loss of building up a relationship for 2 years and having the chance of marriage go up in smoke. Why throw away all that investment over a fear of getting hurt? It's been two months, it's unlikely he's moved on, why not salvage the relationship?

 

And I don't mean these questions sarcastically, I'd really like to understand this thought process, because the one I have suggests she really really needs to call him and tell him what he's worth to her. And not run away further. Clearly there are at least three other people who are seeing something else.

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I just want to be happy again. Starting to feel like a nutcase. It's been two months...shouldn't I be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel?

 

You will be happy again but it will take some effort on your part. I'm not sure how long you were together but 2 months isn't very long at all.

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^A very logical way to look at this situation. The simple face that he initiated a phone call says everything. There is an opportunity there for something. It's about taking a chance and making that call back. I think blocking the # in the first place and looking to see that the call came in 30 days ago is a bit of a mis step. He may very well have given up at this point, but there still could be a chance.

 

I say call. Good luck.

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