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My unfortunate, little, big problem


JoeAugs

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This girl I'm seeing now is most definitely more experienced me in just about every way possible. I don't mind, but when we talk about sex and all that stuff I feel a bit bad. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to tell her I'm not well endowed or of I should let her find out on her own. She likes me a lot and that's good cause I really like her too. My last gf broke up with me because I wasn't a man enough down there or it was too small. I understand she was a bit shallow cause I can't help not having the full man sized penis, whatever that is, but I feel bad for this girl now. She told me that she couldn't really feel this one guy because she was wet and it was bad and didn't workout. I don't wanna bear myself up, but it makes me feel worse that the girl loves me and I won't be able to really make her happy with sex. She doesn't mind I'm not really exp. but she's expecting me to be like big because I'm a big guy and I feel bad. I'm putting off sex for as long as I can because I don't wanna ruin another relationship. It just sucks.

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Why are you discussing sex in more terms than planning BC responsibilities, any needed STD tests, and "oooh baby, I want you?"

 

If you're the one bringing it up because of your insecurities, just stop it, now. You'll only set yourself up for disaster getting all worked up and prepared for the letdown.

 

To be blunt, by the time you get to the "sticking point" of intercourse? The last thing she should be looking at is size, or you're doing it all wrong. Sex should be about SO much more than intercourse - so do some reading. Get some ideas of things you might enjoy, and describe THAT to her, like using a blindfold and touching her all over, taking your time exploring her, etc etc. Don't be bashful about using what you DO have, your brain, your hands, and any toys or lotions, textures, mood settings you'd care to employ. Talk to her about THOSE kind of things, and get an idea of what she might like beyond your stuff in her stuff.

 

And if you're around 4-6 inches, you're average. I dunno how many guys I've had think they were little (guy friends mostly) and I was having to pull up stats to show them they were right in the average/normal range. The joys of being every guy's Dear Abby.

 

ADD: And keep in mind, just because she's had experience - doesn't mean it was all that good of a quality. Someone who's only had a big mac and a junior cheeseburger might think the big mac is all that until they get some petite filet mignon.

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imho, penis size is not something a man can change. if i loved the guy, i would be with him, no matter his size. breaking up with a guy because he's too big or small seems kind of shallow. unless he's horse big, in which case, no thanks! especially because most women experience clitoral orgasms, it's not like you can't please her in other ways!

 

but i get that some people want certain things in bed. if she's the right one, she won't reject you for it.

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Look, man, I've had sex with guys with big penises and little penises and penises in between. It sounds like your ex was incredibly immature and knew very little about how to have sex, because you can have amazing sex no matter what size you are, I *promise*. If you are worried about it, tell your current girl that you are inexperienced and that you need her to show you what she wants. Listen to what sounds she makes and how loud. The louder and higher-pitched she is, the more you keep doing whatever you're doing. Do what she asks you to do, and--for serious--go down on her. So many guys are squeamish about going down on girls and it's absolutely ridiculous because I've done it and I think it's about the funnest thing ever. If you're willing to take direction, attentive, *and* eager to go down on her, there is no way that the sex will be bad. Oh! And do some googling--it is amazing how far a little research can go. If you listen to nothing else I've said, listen to that. Size doesn't matter unless you're a childish little person who shouldn't be having sex. Good luck!

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I truly cannot comprehend.

If she doesnt appreciate all of you, do not let her dissatisfaction make you feel lacking in anything.

You are who you are. Do not bother with women like this.

 

Very well said ChellyV! I suffer from similar insecurities about myself, although I'm a woman so I worry about my breast and butt sizes haha. My good friend once told me though, that "a guy/boyfriend doesn't care how big or little your breasts are, as long as they are his to play with." As crude as it is, it did make me feel better about my situation.

 

To get to the main subject, I really can only give my opinion. I've only ever been with 2 guys and I'm 29 years old. Sometimes I find this embarrassing, but other times I think it's good. As a woman, although rather inexperienced, I don't think the size really matters. Sex is more than just parts of the body, and if you guys have been talking about it instead of just jumping right into it, it sounds like there's a bit more there. Maybe cut her some slack and just give it a try? I really shouldn't talk, it's been 3 years since I've been with someone, and at times I wonder if the process has changed haha! I hope that helps you a bit. We all have things we are self conscious about and most of us can't change them with surgeries and what not. I think it's important to love who you are, no matter what hand you're dealt.

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Very sad because you can't help yourself and if she cares for you that much then I think that she would be willing to sacrifice because I'm facing the same situation with the guy that I'm dating.

 

I must admit, it was very difficult at first but the more that I was around him, the more I started to accept him and his penis size. We really enjoy each other and now that he's more comfortable with me; things are much better.

 

In the beginning of our relationship, he had like a 2" penis but now it's like a 6-1/2' during intercourse and he told me that it was because he's now comfortable with me.

 

BTW, he also couldn't please, keep, nor satisfy a woman before he met me but I thank them for overlooking him because he's a good guy and isn't so bad in bed. Good Luck!

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No don't discuss it with her before you have sex and are intimate if she likes you and maybe even more you'll see if what she feels and says is true because your size or what you might feel is a lack of size shouldn't matter it isn't how big you are it is what you can do with what you have and the passion and want you have for each other, you can use fingers tongue and toys to make up for things too and also she can please you. If you worry so much based on your past shallow ex you will ruin this relationship before you both ever jump into bed. If I loved a man size of his d __ wouldn't run me off at all.

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First of all, unless you are only about 3 inches while erect, you aren't "small". Average penis size is 4-6 inches as others have said, though popular culture would have you believe it is much larger.

 

Often guys believe they are small, when they aren't and it causes a lot of stress over something they can't change anyway.

 

Even if you are "small" (ie. 3 inches or less), the bulk of sexual pleasure for women comes from stimulation of the clitoris NOT from intercourse. Having a small penis should not be a detriment to her enjoying sex unless you refuse to go down her.

 

As for whether you should "break the news to her" before you have sex: don't. DO NOT under any circumstances tell her you think you are small. It's the same as if your girlfriend told you she didn't want to have sex because she hates X, Y and Z about her body. Chances are when she gets naked, you aren't going to see all the things she is insecure about...you are just going to see a hot naked girl you want to have sex with. Same will go for your girl unless you go on and on about how disappointing you think you are.

 

If your previous girlfriend left you because of your size, then she was not only immature, but uninformed about what makes good sex. Good riddance to her.

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While I agree with the gist of the responses to this thread, I think we are at risk of dismissing the OP's concern. I want to acknowledge that, yes, size does matter with respect to a very specific function. So, let's just acknowledge that and move on. There are SO many ways to feel intense pleasure with someone else, and for some people, intercourse isn't the most intense way. As in all aspects of life, our jobs, our friendships, it is important to identify our natural strengths and work to those. If I am short, I am not trying out for the school basketball team - unless I have seriously crazy ball handling skills. I can still be an athlete, in lacrosse, track, wrestling, dance, golf.... what are my strengths?

 

The same thinking applies here.

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I get great pleasure from penetration but I get more out of oral sex if I'm honest. So work on your skills in that department and having a small penis will probably not matter as much. It really depends on the girl... the great sex I have had so far has had very little to do with the size of the man's penis and a lot more to do with how stimulating, generous and attentive he is. These qualities matter a lot more when having sex. It's not much good having a big penis if you just go at a woman like a rabbit... much better to be small and stimulate her in several ways.

 

I would be concerned that she has brought up about not feeling anything with some guy before... I'm not sure why she would say that especially given that she doesn't know what size you are. Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if she did have an issue given what she has said but you will need to have sex to find that out. There is no point in waiting if that is your only reason as you may as well find out now if it is going to be an problem. Do not tell her you are small beforehand. If you put the thought in her head she might focus on it more and there is no need to do that.

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9 times out of 10 the male's penis size is not an appropriate proxy for capacity to perform satisfactorily, and 80% percent of the time the issue is the penis size is simply too large (and thusly painful) there's a reason why the biggest part of the bell-shaped curve peaks somewhere about 4.5-7.5 inches...if huge penises were that important to female pleasure and coercion towards copulation the curve would peak at the 9-12 inch range (it doesn't...and most polls suggest anything much larger than 8-8.5 crosses a line where copulation becomes painful). Also to be considered is that length is really not as important as girth. Another thing to consider is that the vast majority of the nerve complexes that are properly stimulatory for female orgasm are within 3 inches of the vaginal opening. As others have said there are more than one way to stroke the kitty....and many women enjoy those alternative ways better than simple penetration.

 

That being said some women are shallow (emotionally) and see large penises as a 'challenge' or 'as a mark of accomplishment', those women aren't as likely to be interested in the OP, and likely would not be a good match for the OP anyways. And I suppose a non-zero number of women have vaginal structures (or enjoy having their cervix pummeled) that may only be stimulated by a gargantuan penis...though they are likely rare, few and far between. I do also find the girl's bringing this up as a bit of a turn off. She's putting pressure on you, which won't translate well, and then if you do fail to accomplish your goals, you're going to feel horrible. She's basically preemptively putting the blame on you and your penis's 'assumed inadequacy'. If the girl isn't happy, maybe she hasn't shown you how to get her to her place of joy...you aren't a mind reader and experience is not the be-all end-all of sexual effectiveness; capability to follow instruction and a willingness to be attentive will get you a lot farther than a foot long hotdog and a fifty page sex resume.

 

If all else fails and she requires enormous penetration...you can always offer to man the elephant leg dildo....

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While I agree with the gist of the responses to this thread, I think we are at risk of dismissing the OP's concern. I want to acknowledge that, yes, size does matter with respect to a very specific function. So, let's just acknowledge that and move on. There are SO many ways to feel intense pleasure with someone else, and for some people, intercourse isn't the most intense way. As in all aspects of life, our jobs, our friendships, it is important to identify our natural strengths and work to those. If I am short, I am not trying out for the school basketball team - unless I have seriously crazy ball handling skills. I can still be an athlete, in lacrosse, track, wrestling, dance, golf.... what are my strengths?

 

The same thinking applies here.

 

Great post. You're right, we don't want to be dismissive of the OP's concern. This topic is subjective as different women have different thoughts on what the acceptable range of penis size is for them, in regard to their lovers.

 

Often guys believe they are small, when they aren't and it causes a lot of stress over something they can't change anyway.

 

Thanks to p0rn you have men with average or above average penis size believing they are small.

 

However I notice the OP and others who are worried about their size rarely state their penis size, so we are taking a shot in a dark about this.

 

My hunch is, the OP's ex did a number on him by her comments and he'll be fine.

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On a good day, I'm 4 inches. I wanna thank you guys for the advice and I guess it just depends on the girl. We were getting into last night and she grabbed my crotch, expecting to find my stuff and she couldn't. She tried a few times before she like realized and I was glad she didn't see my face cause I felt so bad for her. She stopped after that, but I feel absolutely terrible now. I'm embarrassed about it, but I can't change it so I can expect she'll be fine or it's a deal breaker

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Learn to love what you've got, OP, that's essential. You know that saying accept the things you cannot change... well this is one of them. Take power over this topic. Celebrate your size.

 

I will tell you something: I harbor a secret (not anymore) theory that the well-endowed man is more likely to be an inferior lover, because he has been relying on the gifts he was given at birth instead of learning the skills his brethren have learned.

 

There is a gift in your natural-made size if you find it.

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On a good day, I'm 4 inches. I wanna thank you guys for the advice and I guess it just depends on the girl. We were getting into last night and she grabbed my crotch, expecting to find my stuff and she couldn't. She tried a few times before she like realized and I was glad she didn't see my face cause I felt so bad for her. She stopped after that, but I feel absolutely terrible now. I'm embarrassed about it, but I can't change it so I can expect she'll be fine or it's a deal breaker

 

This really depends as well on whether you are a "shower" or a "grower". Some guys might not show their full length unless they are erect (meaning they "grow"). Others, might have a penis that looks pretty much the same length as when they are erect just flaccid (a "shower). If you are a shower, then yeah you might be able to "find" it when you grab for it. If you are a "grower" you pretty much have to be erect in order to know it's there. Doesn't mean a guy is small though.

 

Without being TMI, my husband is a "grower" so when he is not erect, he appears to be quite small. He isn't, but you wouldn't be able to tell unless you saw him in his "full glory" so to speak.

 

Honestly most of the time if a girl does that while a guy is not erect she isn't going to "find" something that easily. I wouldn't address it or you will make a problem out of something that very likely is not a problem.

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On a good day, I'm 4 inches. I wanna thank you guys for the advice and I guess it just depends on the girl. We were getting into last night and she grabbed my crotch, expecting to find my stuff and she couldn't. She tried a few times before she like realized and I was glad she didn't see my face cause I felt so bad for her. She stopped after that, but I feel absolutely terrible now. I'm embarrassed about it, but I can't change it so I can expect she'll be fine or it's a deal breaker

 

I wrote this on a thread that was very similar to yours. It can be of use here too:

 

 

I'm not sure what to say, OP. When it comes to great sex confidence matters. Instead of apologizing for your size (which is a turn off), it would be a totally different dynamic if you own what you have. An attitude of "this is me, and we're going to have fun playing together!" infinitely more attractive.

 

Take control when you're kissing her. Pull her close and passionately make out. Pin her to the bed (or couch!) with your body. Kiss your way down her body. Touch and caress her skin.

 

All of this will get her hot and bothered, and notice no penis is involved yet.. Play attention to her clitoris. Grinding is fun regardless of how much you are packing. It's going to feel good to her and you. When you two proceed to intercourse, make note of positions for guys your size that work best to provide friction and clitoral contact.

 

And remember, Google is your friend.

 

You can have a lot of fun, passionate, and fulfilling sex with your size, OP. You aren't doomed to disappointing girls. Only the most shallow won't give you a chance. Right now your self-defeating attitude will drive the remaining girls away and ensure you have bad sex.

 

OP, think more of yourself. Sex isn't about a performance to weigh your self esteem. It's an experience between two people that can bring both much pleasure. Explore it from that angle. Have fun!

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I feel really sorry for the OP. I've never had any trouble in that department with women so I don't care about size. I've never measured myself, never even had the thought to. I have what I have and that's it, if a girl told me I had a small one I'd tell her she was loose. I've been asked that by a few girls and I bit my tongue, because they were loose.

 

Why do guys measure their penis? I don't get it. It seems it just leads to pain and a inferiority complex if they don't measure up right.

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  • 2 years later...

I don't understand how hard we are on women on this issue. There is average, small and very small. There are also women who really enjoy vaginal sex and if the penis is too small, it would be a problem. Why are women shallow just because of that. Would a man who doesnt date a woman who is not able to have intercorse be considered shallow as well? We are not talking about abandoning some one in an established long term relationship because of a sexual problem, that would be shallow. We are talking about dating and meeting people. Don't be so judgmental, no every one likes the same things and sexual compatability is very important in a relationship.

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