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Moving in?


hotcocoa954

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I've been dating this guy off and on for 7 months. Basically, my issue with him when we were "off" was because he seems nonchalant about certain things and had other priorities (i.e. a 7 year old with him part time, money issues, his living arrangements, etc). So we've only been back together for a month and things have been good. For the past few weeks he's been looking for his own place (he had to move back in with family for about a year now; before I knew him). Anyway, he told me he found a place yesterday that he likes. So through text I congratulated him since I know he wants to be back in his own place a.s.a.p. I said "When r u moving in?" he said "We'll see about that." I said, "I thought u wanted to move right away" and he said "Maybe you want me to move in with you." Sigh......

 

I told him that I don't think we are anywhere close to ready to consider moving in together and that we haven't met each other's family or any of that. Plus, I personally haven't lived with a s/o before and don't want to do that unless I'm at least engaged. He then tried to say he just wanted to see what I would say and that he knows where he stands now and that he's not upset and has to respect my decision. I suggested we talk about this face-to-face but he claims he didn't want to see my facial expressions and stuff when I turn him down.

 

I am really upset because 1) he should know that one month of us being back together doesn't make it ok to TEXT me about moving in together and 2)Whether he was joking or not, this isn't something he should have even mentioned through a text. That's ridiculous. I'm hoping this won't change our relationship, but I think it will. Am I wrong?

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It seems he is at a crossroads in his life, more sensitive than usual because of his circumstances.

A talk will be able to resolve things. See how you can help him out, without having to move in. Of course you also need to discern what he plans to do with his life.

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I would definitely not consider moving in with someone I'd known for only 7 months (actually, that's not true...I got engaged to someone I'd been dating 6 months and the whole thing was a giant disaster except for my beautiful daughter)....so let me change that...I wouldn't do it AGAIN (haha).

I think this means he's a little needy and dependent on others, doesn't have clear boundaries, doesn't have his sh** totally together yet and would like to move in with you to help alleviate his financial situation more than anything else and also tries to make you feel bad about having boundaries.

That's my lens on it. The fact that he asked/joked (in a text no less) is a red flag about other things. Just my opinion of course and you can take it for what its worth to you.

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