ohioboy Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 I'll try to keep this short. I met an amazing girl on a dating site. We have been talking for about 1.5 months. We went on around four dates due to our busy schedules. Things were going so good that I decided I was going to make her my girlfriend since we both felt this way. I was on my way to her house and she texted me saying DONT COME I FOUND OUT BAD NEWS IM PREGNANT. I told her I can't have that responsibility and she's like "well I'm not asking you too." I feel like her and her ex will get back together EVEN if we were together because I think she still has feelings for him. I mean she feels trapped, hates the guy, but wants to have his kid?? It's her ex child and it happened right before we met before they broke up. She hates this guy, has a restraining order and doesn't want to be with him. She says he probably trapped her by finishing in her and saying he didn't. The thing that gets me is she doesn't seem like she wants to have it. Her mom is ecstatic like she couldn't wait for her daughter to have a kid .I feel like her mom is affecting her decision to keep the baby. Abortion and adoption.. She was on board for either one UNTIL her mom took her apartment shopping the next DAY after she found out. I am bothered because I really want to be with her. But not with a child that isn't mine. I feel like our life wouldn't be how we'd ever want it. Do you guys think I'm selfish and stupid for wanting her to not have it for me? I texted her how I felt today and no reply so she probably thinks that is my goodbye message. Should I just leave it alone? I just feel like she doesn't want a kid but is being pressured to have it and it's affecting our possible nonexistent future happiness.. I am 22 she is 21 Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Yes, you're terribly selfish for expecting this woman you hardly know to make any decision about the fetus inside her body that is not yours. How you feel, not wanting to be with someone who has a child - That's A-OK. But you should walk, not tell her how it needs to be like it's any of your business. Damn, man. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 I don't think her being pregnant is the problem, per se. I think that you shouldn't want to date a woman who: 1) tells you via text that she's pregnant 2) has unprotected sex with her unstable boyfriend 3) doesn't notice she's pregnant for four months 4) was already on a dating site shortly after a relationship that was so horrendous she had to get a restraining order She just sounds unstable all around. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 She has not been broken up long enough if she just found out she was pregnant. It means that she slept with him while seeing you or it was only within a week or two of you meeting. She says he probably trapped her by finishing in her and saying he didn't. Well - she is equally at fault for sleeping with a guy who she couldn't stand. Whether he finished inside is irrelevant. She was consenting. She is not a victim here. She just used bad judgement. Yes, you are selfish to not want her to have the baby. You only have known her for a month and a half and have no right to influence her on it, as it is not your child. Also, you don't know - whether she keeps the baby or not - this is the stage in the relationship where you get to know eachother and you could decide in two months - baby or no, that you guys are not right for eachother. You are not selfish to not want to date someone who is pregnant. I think you should not do anything that implies that you will continue to date her if she aborts the baby or gives the baby up for adoption. You should not influence your decision at all. If you choose to go out with her, do not promise her a relationship either way. Meet someone who doesn't have that much drama. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Dude, just bail. You don't want this, really, you'll regret it. Link to comment
avman Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 You don't get any say in what she decides to do regarding the baby. But this is a trainwreck in the making. Lets face it, you don't really know if it's her ex's baby, or somebody else, or for sure how far along she is. You'd be in the middle of a total mess with drama everywhere. Run for your life. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Dude, just bail. You don't want this, really, you'll regret it. Agreed. Get out now. Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 We went on around four dates due to our busy schedules... Do you guys think I'm selfish and stupid for wanting her to not have it for me? Yes you're being ridiculous in expecting some girl you've been on FOUR dates to take you into consideration in regards to her pregnancy. Find someone without so much drama surrounding them. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 You've only been on 4 dates. I know it is disappointing, but this is a game changer. If you try to stay with her, the whole rest of your life will be involved in helping raise this kid. And if you're not willing to do that and to try to love someone else's kid as your own, then now is the time to bail out. If she has decided to keep this kid, then she probably needs to focus on that rather than dating. So the timing on this is just bad and didn't work out. But you need to drop it now regardless since you already know you don't want to raise someone else's kid, and don't really even know her well enough to know whether she's a keeper or not herself. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Yea you are being monumentally selfish. You just need to walk away from the drama. Link to comment
ohioboy Posted February 20, 2014 Author Share Posted February 20, 2014 Hey guys! Thanks for all the replies so fast. I ultimately agree with everyone Yeah I know I was selfish about it. I just have had such bad luck with girls and she seemed like a good one, so it's very disappointing. I texted her and said how I felt and like I said I didn't hear back from her. It just sucks Link to comment
Fudgie Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 I think you dodged a real bullet. No girl that irresponsible is a good one. Count your blessings, man. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Selfish? I dont see it as selfish, thats a lot of drama that could unfold, and shes not your responsibility after a few dates, shes a big girl and doesnt need you nor need you as her boyfriend - there is NO selfish, its you seeing a new revelation in her life - and shes no longer fitting your criteria. Now, on that note i actually DID date a woman that was pregnant with another mans baby (i met her that way). I dated her officially after she gave birth. We ended up breaking up a- her excuse was that i couldnt hack it because i expected her to return to her ex, my excuse was that she did... and i had my proof. Her ex was abusive, a con man, mean and didnt care about her (which it seems like the ex in your story seems like as well) - and i was trying to play daddy warming everything up for him. Then there was the fact that i was basically living in the wild west, literally it was him vs me - which could have escalated to some nonsense 1 minute news report that no one would have cared about. Since then, i dont lift a finger for people with chaotic lives, and i recommend other people do the same. Link to comment
Clio Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 She says he probably trapped her by finishing in her and saying he didn't. Anytime someone has unprotected sex without birth control, they risk getting pregnant. Saying that he trapped her shows that she is immature and irresponsible and that she is someone who blames other people for her choices and mistakes. You should not excuse her behavior like that. Her mom is not to blame. SHE is. If you really want a good girl, you need to get higher standards regarding what a quality girl is and stick to them. And you need to move on ASAP. Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 I advise running away. I've had a lot of pregnant women hit on me, for some reason. But there are many more non-pregnant women, and you should focus on them. Link to comment
Lorem Ipsum Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 Do you guys think I'm selfish and stupid for wanting her to not have it for me? Yes. I do. As others have said, if you don't want the responsibility or the drama, then bounce. Telling her what she should or should not do in regards that has absolutely nothing to do with you is selfish. I find it bizarre that on the one hand, you can say she seemed like such a good girl, but then in the next minute you think that if she just had an abortion it would be easy sailing for the two of you into the sunset. I do, kind of/sort of, understand your thought process. This is a another way for her to prove her love for you, that you are the better man than her ex. If she "picks" you by having the abortion, then you "win". Which is highly unrealistic. Even if she did have an abortion so she could stay with you (and run, run, run, if that's her excuse), you two wouldn't be running through flower fields naked like two virgins. Odds are, the emotional fallout that she would then endure having just had an abortion, she wouldn't be the girl you like right now. Even someone who wants an abortion can become horribly depressed after getting one, push away those closest to them. As for the mother and the apartment... if I was that girl's mother, I'd want to slap some sense into her head, not get her an apartment. But, I am constantly being amazed by what some women will do for their children and consider to be good parenting. To be thrilled that your young daughter is going to give you a grandchild by a guy who used to abuse her (and will therefore be in her life forever, continuing the drama and violence)? She needs a good shake, too. Link to comment
KarenC Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 I think that you're being VERY selfish...To both her and yourself!!! First of all; you're not understanding her emotions regarding her situation and second; you're subjecting yourself to something that you aren't ready for and it's obvious because you're already complaining. It's best for you to only be her friend because in the end it could be drama for you. Link to comment
CeeLambrini Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 I personally think things like abortion and adoption should not be seen as an equal option to actually giving birth and keeping the child. They should be a last resort and with very good reasons, too - i.e drug addiction, a result of rape, poverty, abusive mother/father etc NOT so she can have a summer romance with you, is what I'm basically saying. You might see it as a problem that needs to be flushed but for most women after 4 months there is an attachment and things like abortion can really mess with a persons mind, and I mean really mess with it. Which brings me to my next point. Once she has that child you are no longer number one priority in her life, and you never will be. Do you think she will have time for a new relationship when she has a newborn to look after? I would also be careful what you say to her at this point as well, because it could be that the moment she looks into her baby's eyes and feels all the love a mother does feel after giving birth - she may remember your words of "i think you should abort the baby for me" and kick you to the curb. If you don't want to date her because she is going to have another man's child, then you leave. You don't try and work your way in a deal where she can just get rid of it as easily as she would if she had indigestion. There are many reasons to abort, there are many reasons to put your child up for adoption. A guy you barely know telling you to is not one of them. Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 I don't think her being pregnant is the problem, per se. I think that you shouldn't want to date a woman who: 1) tells you via text that she's pregnant 2) has unprotected sex with her unstable boyfriend 3) doesn't notice she's pregnant for four months 4) was already on a dating site shortly after a relationship that was so horrendous she had to get a restraining order She just sounds unstable all around. I was going say the same thing. The pregnancy is a sidebar in this scenario. How she is handling her past relationship. There are some relationship boundaries issues here. Too much drama. Sent from my XT1060 using Tapatalk Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.