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Too late to fix?


cjmcm

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Hi everyone,

 

My bf and I have been together 2.5 years now and our sex life is a joke. Throughout our entire relationship he has had issues with sex. We have tired sex therapy, he's gone to counselling, and he's gone to the GP. Nothing has worked. The conclusion of counselling seems to be that his parents raised him thinking sex was 'evil' and he has always had issues with intimacy.

 

Throughout the relationship, I've stuck by him. It's been hard- our sex life varies from once a week to once a month- most it's ever been has been twice a week. I'm 24, he;s 27.

 

Yesterday I met someone else; nothing happened or was said, it just has really made me think because this other guy obviously liked me and was giving me attention and I felt attracted to him. It's made me question my relationship with my current bf as it's getting to the point now where we're talking about marriage and kids etc, but what hope of a decent furture do we have if I'm excited by a tiny bit of attention from a random guy because I don't get any at home?

 

Literally, I could walk around naked and he's talk about the weather sometimes. He does make an effort and has said he'll go back to counselling but I was just looking for some thoughts around how to deal with this? Is it worth trying to make it work? I feel so shallow for even contemplating ending a relationship because of a minimal sex life.

 

Other than sex, everything is amazing. But it's rally getting to me now..

Any thoughts would be appreciated.. thanks

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The conclusion of counselling seems to be that his parents raised him thinking sex was 'evil' and he has always had issues with intimacy.

 

My parents raised me to think I was meant to be poor like them. They were wrong. Has he done anything to change his mind set, or was it simply a shoulder shrug and a "this is just who I am"?

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I feel so shallow for even contemplating ending a relationship because of a minimal sex life.

 

I'd do it in a heartbeat. Are he and his family doped-up on religion by any chance? Where else does one get these warped ideas about sexuality?

 

I'd be out the door in a hurry. I'd have been out that door a long time ago.

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The whole time I read your post, your bf's problem had excuse written all over it. But personally, I have little time for people with sex issues.

 

Sex is supposed to be enjoyable, and dysfunctional people just ruin it. People with sex issues should just take themselves out of the dating pool.

 

It doesn't matter if things work out with this new guy (in all likelihood they won't). Being attracted to him is meant to remind you that there's life after Mr Sex is Evil and that you need more.

 

I think you've stuck with this loser as much as could be expected. It's time to leave, and let your bf get a platonic companion. Hey, this is one of the few times it might be appropriate to offer to be friends!!!

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Nope, time to bail out. You gave a good shot at 2.5 years, but it didn't work. You do not want a brother-sister situation with your romantic partner. That is what friends are for, but your BF/husband needs to be someone you can count on for both physical and emotional intimacy. One without the other doesn't work forever. He's better as a friend than a romance, and needs to find himself a woman who feels the same way about it as he does. There are plenty of women who have similar feelings/disinterest, so he just needs to find one, and that one is not you!

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You've done everything you can and regardless of his issues--guilt complex over sex, physical, mental block, hidden sexuality, just not that into you, take your pick of excuse--one thing stands out: your sex life is bad. And in relationships, good ones, in spite of all the jokes out there about it sex is supposed to be pleasurable and fun. Partners should and can make each other feel good and happy. Sex is a huge component of a relationship whether anyone wants to admit it or not. My take is you're noticing this guy may not even be so much about him as it is you have a basic need in the relationship that just isn't being fulfilled.

 

I think it's time to call this one a day and break up, don't you?

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While you are still young, I think you need to find a new partner that makes you feel more complete. If you can go on with a sexless, or unfulfilling sexual relationship, then I recommend staying together. Therapy isn't going to help and only breeds independence and excuses... I was once in a relationship were the sex feel apart and was just no longer enjoyable...we still did it often, neither of us were fulfilled. Being in a new relationship, it made me realized even more that being in a relationship where the sex is good, it makes a big difference. You guys will otherwise be stuck in a relationship where the elephant in the room is never going to leave...no matter how hard you try to push it out.

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Yes I agree with everyone else. There is really only one option. After 2.5 years of sex being an issue, you can bet it will only get worse as time goes on and you deserve someone more compatible with you. He can find a woman who doesn't enjoy sex and have a good relationship because they will be more compatible. It's not fair on him either if you find yourself seriously tempted by other men, just as it is not fair on you to go throughout life in a near sexless relationship. Life is too short and you have no idea what you are potentially missing out on.

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WOW same thing happens to me and we are still trying to work it out, specifically about sex, Im more playful and aggressive and hes more chill and traditional about sex.. its a frustrating situation and would love to know what you end up doing. because Im still in the same boat. everyone's advice seem great but when there is love involved is hard to make that final decision.

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