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Today I'm even unable to get up from my bed, I feel like I couldn't even pour myself a drink. It's been three months and after all that he put me though, why do I still care about him?! It really bothers me that I'm left for someone accross the ocean. I was the closest person to him and he has not reached out to me a single time. I'm just so tired of this. I'm angry for myself for still wanting him to want me. I don't know why I need that.

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Hey silversoul,

 

Since you react to most of my threads I thought I'd return the favor. Seems like a lot of us on here are on the same page (a few months post BU, getting hit by emotions as waves) and when you have a bad day, someone else might be having a good day, and the next week it might be the other way around. I think us not letting go that easily means that we are able to love at a very deep level. Not all people can say that. You'd be surprised to find how many shallow people there are in this world. In the lesbian scene, it is unusual to have relationships > 3 to 6 months and it is fairly common to date immediately after BU and having rebound relationships. I wish to not be a part of that. Your ex BF is also rebounding in some way.. maybe he's happy for now but really, I do not see much potential in an extremely long distance relationship. It might last longer because they hardly ever see each other. Or it may not last at all because other temptations lure around the corner. Anyway, it is their business and ideally we would say 'good riddance' and walk away, but when you truly loved someone you simply can't. It breaks your heart into a million pieces and it takes time to glue these pieces back together. We tend to crave our ex's love because that was the last person we felt whole with. But they are gone. They have turned into a person with little to no respect for you and don't care at all. So as well for you as for me, we should accept good and bad days and do our best to hold on until the point of indifference.. BUT I can very much relate, I still love my ex more than I have ever loved anything. :S

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Today I'm even unable to get up from my bed, I feel like I couldn't even pour myself a drink. It's been three months and after all that he put me though, why do I still care about him?! It really bothers me that I'm left for someone accross the ocean. I was the closest person to him and he has not reached out to me a single time. I'm just so tired of this. I'm angry for myself for still wanting him to want me. I don't know why I need that.

 

I know the feeling. Sometimes it just feels like sleep is the greatest escape, that if we could just stay in dreamland everything would be ok.

 

It really isn't fair when they leave for another person. I don't understand it either, how can they not realise the pain that causes the person they once loved? Or do they just not care? Either way, is that the action of the person YOU loved?

 

I doubt it. And that's because the person we loved is gone, destroyed, they no longer exist. Mourn for that person you loved, because they have passed away. Don't think of them happy with another person, because that is not who you loved. That is someone else, someone who has lessened themselves with the act of cheating/ditching a loving relationship for another person. That person is not worthy of your love.

 

 

 

I don't know what else I can offer, except that somehow, everything is going to be ok. For all of us. One day. Stay strong.

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I'm really new to this forum but i've read your posts soulsilver. It's hard when you care for the person that once cared for you, but you need to start caring about yourself, reserve yourself so that you can care for someone that WANTS to care about you. Everyone is here for each other, it will be hard, but we all want to see each other progress and be happy.

 

You will be okay. You feel this way because you have a great heart and someone will see that. Your family sees that, your friends, and some day your next love.

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sorry to hear about the rough day, just wanted to say hi and "hugs"! Hopefully you feel better soon! What has been helping me get through days like these is i keeping a notebook of all the good things or funny things that happen throughout my day. Helps to remember that there IS good out there.

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I'm sorry to hear that you are going through that. I myself am having the worst time in the mornings as well. It's as if I go to sleep and everything is okay, then I wake up and it all hits me like a ton of bricks again. Its even worse when I have dreams about her which feel so real that its as if we are still together. I wake up and just feel paralyzed and hopeless. I found a quote on line that says:

 

"Get up, dress up, show up, and never give up"

 

I wrote this down on my calendar next to my bed and look at it in the morning and it provides hope and gives me a little courage to get out of bed and get moving with my life. Just know that you are not alone in the morning as there are others out there, myself included, who are going through the same thing, but hopefully we will all get through it. My best wishes to you.

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Sorry to hear you're feeling down. It's still fairly early in the process and you've hit one of the lows in a breakup. Try not to be hard on yourself. It happens and truthfully most recovery doesn't go in a straight line, so much as peaks and valleys. It's just that I think over the next month or so you'll start to see that you don't stay down in the lows quite so long or quite so hard as you did in the past. Go back and read your past posts where you were doing better, take care to get enough to eat and good sleep, go do something or watch the most ridiculous guilty pleasure movie you can find. You'll feel better. My own favorite silly movie is the Sponge Bob movie, something I am going to own up to on here now even though it'll probably make me lose all credibility as a serious adult. But watching Sponge Bob and Patrick navigate their way through a Biker Bar--priceless.

 

Anyways you will feel better soon. And yes, someday you will look back on all of this right now with disbelief. Go do something nice for yourself right now.

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Hey Silversoul ! you helped me feel better the last time I was upset so I'll try to help…

 

I hit a bump in my recovery this weekend, honestly I didn't think I'd make it to the end of the day… I cried… went walking out on the streets alone in the late night, then jumped into my car went to the nearest church and cried for an hour. Then I came home, smashed the wall a few times then smashed a vase on the floor cried myself to sleep woke up the next morning feeling much better

 

It's cycling for me somedays I'm great and feel nothing for my ex see it clear we weren't right it would have never worked, somedays are okay and every week maybe I'll have that one bad day.

 

Just some advice from someone whose BF broke up with me the first time for someone else…It's almost not worth it to wish for a relationship again… It was so bad when we got back together that for the years after , I thought about what he did to me a lot. I struggled with that until he ended up leaving me again.

Just pick yourself up and keep pushing forward ! Smashing things around helped for me !

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Thanks guys for your awesome support. It's funny how I got into a relationship with him thinking he is so unlike other guys, you know? Cheater. I think he was sent to me just to teach me the lesson that you can never know another and that underneath all this kindness and all that jazz may be a cruel person able of betrayal. Another lesson is that after this I will be able to appreciate my next relationship so much. And final lesson is that I should treasure myself more than any guy out there. I caved in and looked at their FB pages and there he is commenting that she is so hermosa with hearts. How pathetic is this? By the time their honeymoon phase will finish, I will be healed and just ready for my next great relationship. Now gonna call a helpline and vent a bit. It helps me

 

Thanks again, I truly appreciate the support. I live alone and tend to get lonely and isolated.

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I COMPLETELY understand how you feel.

 

I have gone through exactly the same thing. I don't know your story but for me it helps to remember that "his actions were not because of me nor were they really made thinking about me". As harsh as that sounds it stops me taking it so personally. I don't look at it as something done due to my faults rather because of his.

 

I don't know if that makes sense but what I'm trying to say is that I know that my ex didn't do this in spite or to hurt me intentionally rather that he was not a strong enough person to say no when temptation was in his face. He knew what he was doing was wrong yet he still chose to do it and that's got nothing to do with me or you rather who he is as a person.

 

My ex is chasing after this new exciting life and a new person and it hurts because it makes me feel like I wasn't enough. But really...it's got nothing to do with me or you for that matter and all to do with them..these are their faults not ours and I guess they have to live with them the rest of their lives...let's hope for their sake they grow up and learn from them.

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Hey, I think our stories are pretty similar. He lied to me that she is just a friend and I was naive enough to believe. Please don't think that you are not enough. You are more than enough. You are too good for that person. Let them chase their fantasies. We'll be more wise, we'll heal and concentrate on ourselves instead of jumping from one relationship into another.

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I have that feeling too: a feeling of being unworthy of love, boring bc she would spend almost all her time with her friends rather than with me, must be ugly too otherwise she would have stayed, and when I heard that she once asked her previous gf (ex before me) to marry her.. that was insane! this ex used to forbid her to see her friends, locked her in the house, kicked a chair broken, cheated on her!!, etc. Knowing she asked THAT girl to marry her and just dumps me without looking back I feel like I am not good enough.

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