Please Help :(

[digitaldecode]

Hello everyone...I am going to try and make this as short as possible..but I feel I need help, because things have gone so drastically wrong

 

When I was 19, I moved in with my boyfriend to another city. He was 25 at the time. Were together for 3.5 years and had an extremely close bond, however he had an extremely volatile personality at times, to the point he would smash things and fight other people. But I will avoid going into those details because there would be too much to write.

 

This Christmas, he broke off the relationship..it left me devastated and in a mess, but I had a feeling something was wrong. I am extremely laid back and always felt like I was the one giving all the time, I always stood by him through all his problems but he couldn't for me.

 

He suggested trying an open relationship or a break with no boundries. I was shocked to hear it, as I'd never do either. We tried getting back together, it only lasted 6 weeks and he emotionally abused and hurt me to no end. He decided he just didn't want a committed relationship anymore. He kicked me out 7 weeks before my graduation and left me homeless and having to quit my degree that I worked so hard on for 3 years...

 

He dragged us into this dark pit of misery, but he climbed out and hasn't lost, but gained everything, he has everything. I have nothing anymore, I gave everything for someone to be thrown out like a piece of garbage and have nothing. I feel like there is no life left for me, he has loads of money to travel the world, taken all my friends and can do whatever he pleases with full happiness.

 

Is there any light at the end of this tunnel? I know life is cruel, but I feel like a sick game has been played on me

[Aerolicious]

Whatever you do finish your degree - that's an accomplishment no person can or ever will take away from you. There's definitely always light at the end of the tunnel ! It just takes time to get there - gather up everything you can or even ask for help if you have to (money wise) and finish your degree if possible.. By the end of that you will probably see life in a new way and could easily meet the right person in your field of study or just while working and being out and about. Don't ever let someone who's been so negative on you and can throw it away like that make you feel like life is hopeless - You're still super young and have a ton of life to explore / live.

 

Breaking up will make you feel like the world has stopped spinning, usually also lets you see who your true friends are in the end. Just from what I've read though you should be happy to see him go in the end (even though it was a decently long relationship) - as it sounds like he's probably never going to settle and end up crushing a lot of hearts along the way. The best thing you can do though for real is just keep your head up - be confident and push forward for something new and exciting. Your life is full of options that could now make you million times happier than you'd of ever ended up with him.

 

If for whatever reason though you do think you're meant to be together.. make sure to look at it from both sides - sometimes certain things trigger reactions that just don't make any sense at all. Maybe he really had marriage on the mind and got completely scared and wanted to try someone new or atleast have the option to explore it. Maybe something at home started to eat at him and he just wanted to doing something spontaneous to change up life? There really can be a million things from him just being a jerk to him just being completely scared and handling things improperly. You'll read a lot of things on here and 90% of them will pretty much be like "he's abusive and obviously doesn't care about you. move on" - while thats the easiest way to think about things to heal .. its also only an outside persons prospective from what we've read. You know him better than us and you know YOU. Do what makes things easiest for you and makes the most sense and lets your heart cope with things.

 

Just my thought - I felt the same as you did 2 months ago. My story is far different but I know that we've all felt the pain of break ups. That feeling of "just not wanting to go on" followed by "wow my friends suck / what friends?" - your true ones will pop up over time.. Just make sure you keep going and putting the pieces in place that YOU need to survive.

[digitaldecode]

Thank you very much for the reply

 

Currently I am 23 years old and have no idea where to live. I am staying on a friends sofa at the moment but it's not very nice...I have only 7 weeks to finish my degree, but because of all the hurt and upset, my grades and possibly my degree will now go down the pan that I worked so hard for.

 

He is currently 28, he definitely never wanted marriage or even children. His two best friends always slept around and never wanted to settle down either, I would have wanted to have had we stayed together. I will not lie, he had a drug problem and an issue with committment. When we first met, he was the nicest man I'd ever met, he treated me wonderfully but slowly he turned into a monster and I have no idea why.

 

The thing that upsets me the most, is how he has everything and I've been left with nothing, I risked everything to come and live with him to be thrown out only for trying to help and care. None of our friends believe he could be this cruel, because "he's so nice". This is what winds me up the most. It really does feel like a horrible game has been played on me and I've done nothing wrong. I offered many things to fix the relationship, like moving out and giving each other enough time and space to feel better, but it wasn't enough, he just didn't want committment.

 

What feels worse is while being in this horrible, miserable pit, he has the ability to go anywhere in the world and the country and throw money around, having the time of his life while I feel like I'm sitting here withering away.

[MisUnderstood9]

Agree with Aerolicious, definitely complete your degree. That is one thing no one will ever be able to take away from you.

 

As for the relationship side of everything. It all seems hopeless because its all fresh. Time will heal, and you'll find happiness again - there is light at the end of the tunnel but you have to go forward to get there first.

[sharky988]

You've seen his true colors now. The way he's treated you is disgusting -- NO ONE deserves to be thrown out into the streets. It sounds like he was cheating, lying and being abusive on many fronts. I'm guessing there are substance issues as well.

 

Listen -- it's time to walk away from that chapter of your life. You're young and you have your whole life ahead of you! This guy is history. You CAN and WILL make your way through this crisis.... and in time, you'll find someone who DOES love and appreciate you and treats you as you deserve to be treated.

 

For now -- what about your family? Is there no kind of help or financial support while you get your degree?