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Please help! I may crack. NC broken through work purposes.


Michael 93

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I have now been in NO contact with my ex for nearly 3 weeks. Broke up for nearly 2 months.

 

We both work for the same company but in different offices. I feel better but I have not stopped missing her since the day she left. I still love her more than anything and it absolutely kills me not being with her. I seriously feel as though my heart is hurting. She means the world to me and although I have been raked through the coals since the break up I still really find it so difficult.

 

I was at work today. I havent heard from her in 3 weeks as previously stated. The phone goes and the receptionist said "ohh I have **** on the line from accounts for your colleague" I can take a message though... I said "No No its fine pop her through", I said hello, bright and confident... She didn't say anything for a couple of seconds and said hello, it sounded so good to hear her voice again. We spoke and she sounded ok passed the message on and left, maintaining proffesionalism. The conversation sounded weird and I could tell there was like a tenseness on the phone. And I really think it was difficult for her to hear my voice I could tell how she was speaking.

 

I love her to bits, I have never missed anything so much. Ive tried everything to get her back since and had no luck. And since hearing her I want to do nothing but text her and say "it was so nice to hear you, how are you" I feel as though this might be a bad idea. But i want to see/hear her so badly!!

 

Someone please help me through this point....What should I do?

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Next time let the receptionist take a message. By accepting the call and hearing her voice, you set yourself back. You are already reading into her tone and inflection (tenseness with a difficulty for her to hear my voice...). Then in the next statement, you admit that you still have strong feelings for her. You are projecting your own feelings into this phone call.

 

If you are both professionals, there is nothing wrong for passing messages via a receptionist. Instead, you are now back at nearly stage one wanting to see or speak to her again. Go back straight into NC and hold that line. Be strong and keep busy. Any new contact only gives you new information to weave into your own emotional current. NC all the way.

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Man you have no idea. I feel like such an idiot!! You are completely right but im just literally clutching at straws here honestly. I knew she was on the line and your right I took the call. I feel so stupid. I dont know what I was expecting to happen to be honest. I just miss her so much, I thought that maybe if i spoke to her and showed her I can be professional and still speak she may think okay then fair enough...

 

Your right I am over analysing it. I am thinking too deep into it. that's all I have done since the day we broke up. I don't know how to get out of this state. The only reason I speak to colleagues is because it makes me feel better. I am struggling here and I miss her so god dam much.

 

I wish she cared and thought about me. its killing me! I just thought maybe if I answered the call she might think "wow its him" and you know. I feel so desperate

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You have to stop and think about what would be in your best interest here. Note that she was awkward with you, and that she knows you want her, and she could call you any moment of the day to ask you back if that is what she wanted, but she hasn't done that.

 

So if she doesn't want to be with you, then continued contact doesn't help and just makes you crave her so it is not in your best interest. You got excited because you heard her voice, but if nothing has changed, that excitement is meaningless and a wrong turn for you.

 

So you have to separate your feelings of missing her from fact that nothing has changed, and talking to her won't 'fix' the situation and change anything. She knows your number, and chooses not to ask you to take her back. If she doesn't do that, then you shouldn't be talking to her at all in order to get on with your healing and give you a chance for your feelings to fade. So don't fall for this again... and avoid talking to her at work if it just stirs you up and makes it harder.

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