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Having issue with communication..and controlling anger and resentment...


JA0371

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Hi all...me and the man Im with are long distance half of the time...due to his job, I have adjusted to it mostly, but because we are LD we rely a lot on phone, text communication. Im not needy or clingy. I am ok with talking on the phone every other day..as long as we DO talk. My issue is that my bf has a bad habit of calling when he knows he possibly can't talk....and always seems rushed or in the middle of something, and almost always has to hang up...which sometimes leaves me hanging in the middle of a conversation. I have told him various times to call me when he has time...or when he's NOT at work. Last night we had a big blow up because I expected him to call...so by around 9 I sent a txt...and his response was 'I'm not feeling it tonight' so...that brought everything to a head. It wasn't last night...it was a culmination of the last few weeks of me feeling like Im being blown off. I always..,..ALWAyS make time for him..and lately I am just feeling like the distance is becoming a big issue. I don't know....I said some nasty stuff...and Im still feeling angry this morning. I know this isn't good. I did text him last night and apologized, but also told him I cannot handle being treated like this....and that I won't be treated like an afterthought...when I do make an effort for him. It's hurtful.

 

Not sure if Im asking for advice....maybe just venting. If anyone can relate...feel free to vent here lol.

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I know you may not believe it, but many people, especially guys, don't like to talk on the phone a lot. They feel uncomfortable and pressured when on the phone and lose focus if the other person is babbling on about their day, and feel when there is any little silence or break in the conversation, it is time to hang up rather than to try to extend the conversation when they don't have much to say at the moment.

 

Try switching to Skype. If there is a visual communication involved, many people do much better with that if they are not 'phone talkers' by nature. He may not be trying to 'disrespect' you in any way, just trying to avoid what he feels is awkward or uncomfortable for him. So switch to Skype, and don't expect him to stay on the phone if you hit a lull in the conversation, or if you feel like you are 'losing' him if you are talking about one subject a lot and he isn't saying much. If you can see him and have a visual when you're on Skype, you will be better able to read the cues that he's had enough of the convo, or is tired, or is losing focus etc., and don't push him past that limit just to extend the conversation trying to 'hang onto' his attention when he's losing focus.

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Thanks Lavender....thing is I am perfectly ok with talking a coup,e times a week. I have told him this. We already FaceTime.....but I think it's a feeling of general discontent we are both feeling right now. I hate trying to have conversations about 'us' when he's away. It never seems to go well. Anyway....I think Im going to ask for a break from contact for a week or so....so we can have some breathing room. It sucks...but I think it will be good for us both.

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Talking about "us" on the phone is never a good idea. It is too easy for the person to disconnect.

Phone calls/facetime/skype when distance is involved is to find what connects you --- not what disconnects you.

 

Talk about the time you just shared, get the other person laughing and thinking "can't wait to see her"....not "oh no, not this again".

 

LD is hard. Been there ---done that. And honestly --- would never do it again.

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Thanks Mhowe... Typically this is easier for me...and I really do try to have good conversations...not too heavy. I know this is my issue....and I am just feeling discontent lately I hate feeling like we are losing our connection, but I think taking the pressure off will help. I hope...

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