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So I'm 23 and I've been dating a 29 year old for 4 months. I recently found out that the girl he dated before me (for 2 months) was 17. I don't know if I can get over being with someone who was sexual with a minor. I don't really care what the legal age of consent is because I consider 17 to practically be a child. This girl is still in high school. All I can think about is "ew." Am I over reacting? I really like him, he says it was a huge mistake, but I feel that it's repulsive. Should I walk away?

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Not necessarily! Of course this goes WAAAY back, but my grandpa was 26 when he eloped with my grandma when she was 17. They were happily married for 65 years!

 

I dated a guy for a couple of months. Didn't care for him, but i have continued to cut his hair for 30+ years. After me i know he dated a girl who was 17. (he was in his 20's) They dated for 5 years.

 

Those are the only instances i know of. I remember when i was 17...i thought i was soooo mature. Some are more mature than others. He only dated her for a couple of months and realized his mistake.

 

I would get over it, and focus on where he is now....and what his values are. Some women are pretty aggressive these days. I was an immature 20 year old and lived with a guy that was 29...for 3 years. My sister was much more 'mature' at 17....lol

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well in all consideration that's extremely awkward lol geesh WALK AWAY if he had any type of relationship that lasted more then a month age 29 with a 17 year old kid.... That's almost like finding extreme entertainment in a dog chasing its tail... WALK AWAY I don't even know you but believe you can do better if you are capable of forming scentences and adding periods.

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How is he with you? He said it was a huge mistake. Sometimes guys aren't thinking with their big head....

Two sides to every story. Some would think that 23 and 29 is too big of a gap...

 

I was disgusted when my future husband at almost 32 was acting interested in 18 yr. olds. (his niece was 18) He thought it was cool when he'd take them to a mall...and thought people might think he was a bf. sheesh.

 

Later, when the 18 yr. old niece was complaining about the 'old' men hitting on her at the mall....she said, "they were as old as YOU Uncle D"....I was inwardly snickering.

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It makes me wonder how he met a school girl and why. He is also 6 years older than you which is definitely not an issue for me personally but because of his past I wonder if he targets younger girls on purpose. If you are seeing this as a red flag then it probably is. I know some girls mature faster than others, and she probably thought it was really cool to have an older boyfriend, but there are other 17 years olds I know (friends little sisters) that have absolutely no idea about boys, sex or love yet and I'm automatically worried for these types of girls that are preyed on by older men.

OP, a mistake is a one-time thing. If you make the same mistake again, perhaps even then it can still be considered a mistake. However - making that mistake for 2 months none stop is not a mistake, it's a guilty indulgence that he later regrets. I would be cautious, he might consider you "too old" once you turn 24 if that is his type.

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Nope not overreacting in my opinion, I would most definitely not be ok with that!! 12 year difference? Maybe if one person is in their 30s and one in their 20s, or older, but dating someone who is still a teenager and in high school when you're nearly 30.. nah there's something not right about that at all.

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I am absolutely NOT okay with adult men or women preying on children. Where did they meet? It says a lot about how he feels about his own age and girls his age if he's looking to entertain himself with children.

I call big red flag on that and would encourage you to walk away.

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Actually, I am probably wrong, but I will just give my minority opinion. Then again, I am not responsible for anything. I am just giving my humble opinion. People make mistakes man. As they say in India, "Baccē sē galatiyōṁ hōgana tē Hai." As long as he is good with you, I don't see much of a problem with it. He's dating you, not her anymore, and two months isn't that long of a time anyway.

 

Just because he ****ed up a bit (it wasn't even illegal) doesn't mean that he should be left single for the rest of his life (as long as he does admit it was a mistake).

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As long as he's normal with you and treats you nicely, I don't see why the age of the girl he dated before you would be a deal breaker. Things happen, I have a friend who, at 45, met a 19 year old and they are now engaged, 5 years later. Besides, 17 is not a baby, I would be weirded out if she was less than 15!

 

But of course this is subjective, it all depends on how YOU feel about it. It doesn't matter how any of us feel about this, all that matters is how you feel about it. If it bothers you too much then I don't see any reason for you to continue this relationship.

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Like others have said, it's a very personal matter that only you can judge.

 

To add to the examples though:

 

I have a friend who met her partner when she was 17 and he was 30. She initially lied to us about his age because she feared our reactions. It's now 5 years later, and whilst they may have problems I don't know about, I lived with them for a while and they seemed to be one of the most well balanced couples I've known.

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Age is just a number.

 

An arbitrary number.

 

18 is ok, but 17 years and 11 months and 1 week is not ok?

 

What about 17 year and 8 months?

 

You get my drift. It's all rather arbitrary

 

No, a 29 year old man and 18 year old girl is no different. One is developmentally, emotionally, and contextually a child while the other is an adult. Women his age won't tolerate his flaws and/or he wants to control his partner, hence a child who doesn't know any better.

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