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Help me get my and figure my ex bf out


MissMoonchild

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My bf and I were together for 7 1/2 years.. We are both 25 years old.. We had our ups and downs but all together was a great relationship Didn't fight a lot or anything. This last year 2013 him n his mom came up with the thought of how we should buy a house.. So we found one watched it get built up both of us so excited.. We wanted something good for our two dogs and to start a family later on. Well oct 2013 the house was finally ready for us, that day we got the keys we went to stay there for the night.. He proposed to me in the dinning room. The next day we move in and everything seems great. Well then I find text messages in his phone from a girl he works with. I later asked him about it he said he wasn't going to talk to her again. Well on thanksgiving he told me how he is depressed he has been and confused but couldn't try and explain why. I tried to get him to the doctor, therapist or counselor and he wouldn't. On dec 9th he was out at a restaurant with a guy friend from work I went there to get a drink after he was there for 3 hours to find him with that girl and another girl from work. He then left to his moms house the next day saying we just need to take a break.. He was very cold to me and decided to send me a break up text at 11pm the day before Christmas.. The sad thing is I still want to get him back. I know a lot of you are thinking I'm crazy. I told him I want to get rid of the house before renting it, like he wants. But I keep feeling like if we sell then I won't have another chance with him.. What do you all think I should do? I really just want to start over with me and him.. I would love to just work on it and get back into our house.. Why would he do this!?

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Hello there and welcome to ENA,

 

There are a few things I want to share my opinion on.

 

First of all I think you should just lay back and take your time before you make a decision, you were 7,5 years with this guy and he became a part of your life so it makes perfect sense to want/need him. What you need to do at this point is to accept his decision and live with it. Things are going to get better, they always do.

 

As a guy speaking, if he was seeing this girl behind your back and he broke up with you later on, he probably was cheating on you or was intending to. Either way it is really hard to break up with someone after 7,5 years thats why he was depressed and cold.

 

As far as the house is concerned, since he has decided to call it quits I doubt whether keeping it will make things better. You should let go of everything that can keep you attached to him.

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I know it's hard to even think of letting go. But you need to know that you can't change the situation. At times, in long-term relationships, things get into a rut. We kind of take each other for granted and the initial excitement of a relationship dies down. I don't think you are crazy for wanting to get him back. And you never know...you might. But before you reach there, you need to let go. Don't get in touch with him. Don't ask him about the other girl. Don't ask him how he feels. Just stay away. If he sends you texts asking you how you are, he misses you, etc, don't respond. If there's something related to the house or anything that absolutely needs a response, wait for a couple of house before you respond. A person can't miss something unless he/she loses it - COMPLETELY. If your work/circumstances don't allow NC, go very low LC. Delete him off your IMs, etc. You might want to keep him on Facebook, if you feel you're strong enough. You could post pictures with friends, etc, that show you having a good time. Get your life back. And give things time. 7.5 years is a long time - not just for you but for him too. My guy was once going around with another girl and he broke up with me too because what he felt for her (at the time) was more than what he felt for me. He still loved me. But the sparks were new with the other girl. There was more excitement there. And when he broke up with me he was severely depressed. Interestingly, he was so depressed that his new relationship fizzled out very soon.

 

We are back together after a break of around 2 years and it took a lot of learning and working on both our parts. Just go silent for a while but leave a small opening for him to work for your relationship, if you want it back. You need good friends who can be supportive (and who can kick your butt if you feel tempted to contact him). Get a makeover, a new wardrobe. Go on a holiday if you can. Get new hobbies. Keep busy. If your relationship meant anything to him, let time work it out.

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