Great post about cheaters

[Steve55]

That's an interesting point and I think you are right regarding family influences.

 

I've wondered sometimes about my ex Gf's dad and whether or not he cheated. He seems like a great guy, though I don't know him well. Not that it means anything, but he is retired from being an interstate trucker and many of his FB friends are hot women. At the very least, that's a bit creepy for a guy in his late 60's....

 

If that was the case, and my ex observed or was exposed to this behavior growing up, it might help explain why she would be willing to cheat with a married guy..

 

Yes the past is definetly something that decisively influences cheaters behaviour. Past traumas, abuses, family and social environment all this plays a big role in shaping a cheater.

[jonyyy]

Yeah for instance my Ex:

 

- Family environment: her father cheated and had alcohol problems. Her mother had self esteem issues.

- Social environment: when she was a teen she used to get drunk a lot and smoke weed too.

- Past actions/experiences: before we started to date she was involved with a guy who at the time was in a R/S. She used to say that until me her R/S were always with jerks/bad guys.

 

Although when I met her in University she was a completely different person: emotionally mature and confident, with the right values (hating cheaters because of her father). Didn't drink, smoke, or partied anymore. And so we had a nice almost 9 years together.

 

However, when she faced challenging times by living abroad for a couple months, she started to drink, smoke and partying a lot again, becoming emotionally instable and with self esteem issues and I guess that made her completely derail.

 

Does this makes sense?

[Steve55]

Well, it is a fact that abusers often come from families where they were abused as kids, so maybe infidelity runs like that too?

 

Maybe a lot boils down to self-esteem issues, as you mentioned. I've never understood the psychology behind that. If a person has low self-esteem, why would they reject someone who cares about them and supports them? Instead, they look for a bad situation with a bad guy or woman and end up hurt? I assume there is a deep psychological reason for that. Maybe it re-enforces their lack of self worth?

 

In my case, I've known her for 8 years and there was no way in hell I'd believe she would be ok with a hookup relationship with a married guy... Guess I was wrong...

[roberto1]

My ex dumped her boyfriend for me and cheated on me because she "fell in love" for the first time and did not plan it. It's not fun....

[LeilaKay]

Best. Post. Ever.

 

We cannot prevent our significant other from cheating, but we can be confident that if he does, it's because of his weakness and lack of honor and integrity. And why would you want to be with someone like that?

[jonyyy]

Best. Post. Ever.

 

We cannot prevent our significant other from cheating, but we can be confident that if he does, it's because of his weakness and lack of honor and integrity. And why would you want to be with someone like that?

 

Because up until then they meant the world for us, we held them high in our consideration, we trusted them. They were a huge part of our world. Suddenly for us to make the switch and accepting that that person is not good after all, that we were fooled, is very hard and it takes time. But we'll get there, eventually.

[kathy679]

Don't know if I should post this here or in the Healing forum. But I thought this might help the cheaters too, since probably there are plenty around here.

 

All credit to the OP: link removed

 

so my ex cheated behind my back for ages. He told me at xmas he wanted some space. I didn't no at this point he had cheated but he kept saying he missed me even although he needed space. Do you think that was guilt? When i found out i never told him i knew i just said in moving on to someone who will love me the way i deserve to be loved. I never heard a response from him. This was two months ago. Do you think he regreted cheating. What u say makes sense, he must of been craving love because he hated himself

[Steve55]

Because up until then they meant the world for us, we held them high in our consideration, we trusted them. They were a huge part of our world. Suddenly for us to make the switch and accepting that that person is not good after all, that we were fooled, is very hard and it takes time. But we'll get there, eventually.

 

Exactly right.. In my case, there was no way I would ever have considered her to be involved with a married man, but she was (Probably still is) and has been for at least a year now..