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Hey everyone ! Thank you for taking the time to read this, I appreciate it.

 

So basically the relationship with my live in boyfriend just ended a two weeks ago. Basically we were doing great throughout the relationship and had our trust issues (from him messing around on me thru messages... Etc) but I had tried to put that behind me because I love him so much. So anyway everything is going well but he is not happy with his career he feels like he should be further along in life blah blah blah. So he gets a call from the border patrol and he has to take the position but it's in the middle of nowhere Texas... Where there are no law schools for me to go to.

 

Initially I was completely against it and said it wouldn't work, long distance is something bad waiting to happen... " after I said it I immediately wished I could take it back because the truth is I didn't feel that way I just didn't want him to take the job. So we moved on he delayed the process and we were fine for the next four months, trying to work out a way for it to happen. He even said he thought we should get engaged and we move together.

 

So I go home for two weeks (my hometown) and come back, still everything is great. The job is calling him back since his knee should have been heeled (he had surgery on it) to pass the field test. So he said from there he had to make the decision that was best for both of us even if I didn't realize it. (He's 28 I'm 22) he says we are in different places. Which we are. I just graduated with my undergrad and am applying to law schools for the fall and he is still trying to get into his career.

 

He decided he's going to take the job, and depending on when they call leave in April or May. Needless to say I was devastated. Because he said he thought it better for us to try to separate now rather than delay the process until one of us leaves. (I applied and got in to schools out of state)

 

So basically we both cried and decided to remain and try to make it work, despite the direction thing. But he started pulling away from me. Nothing serious , just things like spending more time alone in our apartment and seeming kind of withdrawn. He is on pain medication for his knee tho so I tried to understand that lol

 

Anyway, the next three weeks were very hard. I thought he was pulling away and therefore giving up on us, and he I think made up in his mind this just wasn't our time. So heated arguments happened, on both of our parts. The icing on the cake was a night he went out and came home. I went thru his phone to find messages from a girl saying she missed him. Nothing serious I know but because of all the added stress I snapped and left in the middle of the night to go to my uncles.

 

The next day I returned and from the look on his face I knew something was going to happen. From previous experience I knew when we have hard times or a rough patch in our relationship he has a tendency to withdraw or go out a lot as a way I guess of release, where I am the opposite. So it made me insecure. I had initially returned to break things off because I felt like he wasn't fighting for us, he just let the circumstances happen.

 

But of course, love is illogical, and I tried to reason. But he said he had had enough with the trust issues and that on top of the bad arguments lately and the impending distance we should just go our separate ways. He looked like he wanted to cry and seemed angry at the same time. I was in total shock.

 

So here we are. Two weeks later we have talked about it a good three times and still he refuses to budge. I know he loves me, he has cried , he as held me. He even took me out numerous times. Apart of me feels like he feels guilty because of the position he's in and apart of me wonders if that's the real reason. Of course he says it doesn't have anything to do with another girl, why would he jeopardize us for that and he's leaving anyway ?! (But men do strange things)

 

So here I am. I am moving some of my stuff out today to stay with family. We still text everyday and have seen each other everyday since the breakup. I tried leaving last night , and he stopped me. I just feel like he needs space. Both of us really. But I'm so scared of that. He says he hopes we can maintain a friendship but it's so hard to be in each other's faces because of the pain.

 

I feel like a victim of circumstance (SCREAMS) but deep down I know it may be for the best. I just really love him.

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You have no idea what the future holds for the two of you. And to be honest law school is going to take up a lot of your time and that alone would of put a huge strain on your relationship. It sounded like it was shaky already and put the stress and the lack of time for him because of school and you two would of eventually broken up and you don't need to worry about him getting messages from other people. And why did you go thru his phone? That is so not right unless he has given you permission. Im not defending him or the messages but the phone is the last bit of freedom we have, that and our bathroom time. Everything else in his life he shares with you, money, thoughts, his heart, feelings, time, but the phone is the last bit of what is his. And without permission to look you violated that last bit of freedom he has. Im just saying how some guys think. (of course not all guys think this way)

Snooping is a bad habit to get into and its harder to break. It was so easy for you to find out the truth rather than asking him you went behind his back and snooped. For the next guy you date, think twice before you pick up his phone unless he gives you permission.

Okay, now like I said who knows what the future holds. There are good law schools in California and some in San Diego that you could apply to and after Border patrol school he can possibly transfer to San Diego where they are always hiring. You two must do what is right for the both of you. Understand that you are going to make A LOT of money as a lawyer and he probably felt that he wanted to contribute. If he was working at a Burger King making $7.00/hr and you are making $100k a year I know you would still love him, but he could feel that you would leave him for someone better or someone who could contribute more. Of course Im guessing but it could be a reason why he wanted to improve on his career.

Do what is best for you, if you two were meant to be then it will be.

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Thank you for listening, or reading : ) yes I know that habit is terrible, I was just so scared of getting hurt from his past history and actions. The future is definitely looming, and unfortunately I feel like you are right. It would have happened anyway and now it seems like the 'hurt now, or hurt later mantra' ... which sucks.

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The future for you is bright. Once you are done with school if you want him back in your life then you can choose to. Its not over for good, just for now. Maybe youll find one another again, or youll find someone else. Either way you will end up happy. I have plenty friends that are lawyers so I know how much time youll need to study, it rough on any relationship

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