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Two Years On


Raoul

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After a traumatic divorce, I found that I could love again. In the Spring of 2010, we met through link removed. We started off slow and found ourselves in a great relationship. Though we aren't kids, (I am now 62, she is 59) we went through Limerance and kept a very hot and solid relationship going despite the complexities of our lives (former spouses, kids, grand kids (her), busy work and social lives.

 

She was completely plugged into my world - my kids, family, friends. I was less in hers - never met her kids and only a friend or two of hers. We traveled, spent a lot of time together, were 'there' for each other - all of it. We had discussed moving in together and seemed to be going in the same direction on nearly all life aspects. We made a great couple.

 

In the early Fall of 2011, her life got yet more complicated when she lost her job. I was helping her get going on finding a new job, with personal finance issues and being what I thought was a great guy, friend and lover.

 

But... She began breaking dates. Between October and December, we went through three different weeks (separated by a week or so) of broken promises, broken dates and flubbed re-schedules. Every reason (excuse?) from her was plausible given how life works. After the second one, I explained that those hurt, that I looked forward to being with her and had serious letdown a when both initial 'dates' and subsequent re-schedules failed. And I told her clearly that (selfishly) I wasn't sure if I could have us go on that way.

 

In early December 2011, in a single week she: last minute cancelled a Tuesday date, re-scheduled for Thursday. She broke the Thursday date and agreed to a Saturday trip with my kids to visit friends, cancelled the Saturday date in favor of Christmas tree shopping, agreed to a Sunday date and cancelled that due to 'car trouble'.

 

Well, I broke and just vanished from her life. She did call once a day or two later leaving a five word voice mail. It hurt like a Hell to do this. But I couldn't handle it.

 

Since then, during 2012 and 2013, I made several efforts to re-connect with her. But, from her end, I guess she's 'done' and won't follow up or tell me to get lost. Two months ago, I sent her a sort of 'goodbye, wish it could be different' note as a Facebook PM (the only way we were talking at that point). No response.

 

I've been dating and have found no one that I care to spend time with compared to her.

 

I'm not quite pining here. Yet I do think of her often and would really like to see if we can get back with each other.

 

Yes, it's been a while. Yes, I was a bit of a s*** at the end.

 

This community has helped me immeasurably as I went through a horrendous divorce. So YOUR thoughts and words on whether I'm being stupid and how (short of sitting in her driveway) I can try to out this back together would be most welcomed.

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She lost interest and was treating you with disrespect.

I dont think you did anything wrong.

 

And, sadly, you have tried to re-connect. To what? A woman whose interest in you dropped and she failed to take ownership of it?

 

You cannot get back together because she basically walked away. No one cancels that much in that short a period without talking to their partner.

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