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I am 22 years old and broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years 5 months ago.

We started dating in high school and stayed together right up until last year (2013).

At the beginning of 2013 he told me he wanted to travel overseas for 6 months and work whilst over there (from June-December). I was of course supportive of him!! What an experience! One I would never want him to miss out on. He asked me to go with him but I had 6 months of a 4 year university degree left and I wasn't ready to defer that.

We had discussed breaking up for the time he was overseas; six months is a long time and I knew the kind of person he was, lovely..to EVERYONE..so I always had my doubts about him being faithful!

 

The week before he left we had a big talk and had decided that while he was away we wouldn't be together, have a real break and decide if what we had was what we wanted for the rest of our lives...after all..6 years is a decent amount of time and that's what we were considering, however not having been with anyone else or away from each other we were both skeptical about making those decisions.

 

Anyway, so he leaves for Europe for 6 months.

Although we had agreed that we were going to go on a break neither of us took that decision seriously.

2months in and we had spoken everyday through either Skype or Facebook and apart from physically seeing each other, nothing had changed. So I brought it up and asked him whether he still wanted to have the break? Because if yes then we needed to really commit and stop talking as much as we were.

He told me how much he loved me and that just the 2 months apart had made him realise how much he wanted me in his life no matter where he was or who he was with. He said he was committed to me and after 6 years that was the way it was going to stay.

So we both agreed that the break was off and we would stay in a monogamous relationship while he was away.

 

Over the next 2 months there were multiple occasions where pictures would come up on his Facebook or comments would be made and I questioned his faithfulness to me. Each time this happened I was ready to end the relationship however he always made me feel guilty by saying "if you don't trust me then I can't help that, I'm telling you the truth so your only making this a problem by not trusting me, there is nothing I can do about that"!

And each time I stopped myself from making the decision to end it because I didn't want my inability to trust him be the thing that broke us up! After 6 years with this person I hoped that I could trust what he was saying to me.

 

As he neared his 4 months overseas he was in IOS, Greece...partying every day and having the most amazing time. His conversations and contact with me began to become less and less and there were more and more instances where I had to ask him if anything had happened or if he had cheated on me. He kept denying doing anything with anyone else and I kept being made feel guilty for continually asking him!

I am not a jealous person and he made me feel that way, constantly making me feel guilty for questioning his honesty.

 

Anyway, one day we are talking on Skype and he mentions that he had met this girl "JUNE" and her boyfriend "MITCH" the night before. I asked all about them and he answered willingly so I thought nothing of it.

A few days later we are talking again and he mentions that "JUNE" is flying back to Greece again and they are going to catch up! (She had flown back to Norway and was going to fly back to Greece in the next week to keep travelling). So I found this a bit strange considering they had met only for 1 night and she had been with her boyfriend and all of a sudden she is flying back to Greece and wants to meet up with my boyfriend again. So I asked if her boyfriend was flying back with her and his response was "No "MICHAEL" has work".

Funnily enough the boyfriends name had changed. So of course I'm not stupid and I point this out and ask if he had been lying to me about this girl having a boyfriend. Again he brushes it off and tells me I'm being paranoid.

 

I should also add during all this I had all of his passwords and logins to every possible account you can own because I was managing a lot of his finances for him while he was away. This also included access to his Facebook account.

During all this, and I'm not proud of it, but whenever I felt like he was lying I would ask him "if I go onto your Facebook account am I going to see things I don't want to see?" And he would always say no, so I would check, and I would find conversations between him and other girls which never actually said that he had slept with them but definitely suggested at it and whenever I confronted him about it he would always come up with an excuse and again tell me to stop being paranoid.

 

Anyway...so after he has lied to me about this girls boyfriend I go onto his account and all of the conversations he has been having with this girl have been deleted.so I ask him why and he says because he didn't want me to see them and get the wrong impression and think he was cheating when he hasn't been!!

 

So the day this girl flies in I said to him "I'm really worried that something is going to happen with this girl...tell me now if you feel the same way because if you do then we need to end this relationship now before you do something like that". To which he replied with all the same "I love you..blah blah..bull..blah blah".

 

I should also add that his parents had decided to get married while he was overseas (don't ask) and he had decided he wanted to come home and surprise his parents for the wedding. So I had helped him organise flights and paid $1000 to cut his trip short and get him home in time for the wedding. "JUNE" flew back into Greece 2 weeks before he was due to fly home.

 

So this girl flies in and after speaking to my boyfriend almost everyday for 4 months, I don't hear from him for 4 days while she is with him.

When he does eventually come online all I say to him is "there is no point making excuses, just tell me what happened and we can be done with it all"...for a week he constantly reassures me that nothing has happened, his iPad got stolen and he couldn't charge his phone and all this other bull that I just wasn't buying. I just kept telling him to tell me the truth...I knew something had happened and I just wanted him to man up and tell me, but he didn't, so in the end I found her on Facebook and asked her myself and she says.....

 

"Yes we had sex twice while I was with him and he stayed with me every night in my hotel room. He told me he was in an open relationship and that you were both seeing other people and had discussed this with one another and were ok with it"

 

So long story short...I told him to go himself and I didn't want anything to do with him ever again.

 

Now here's my problem..

 

After everything he has put me through and now that the anger has passed I'm finding it really hard to forget about him and move on. Facebook makes it hard because his information is so accessible and we have a big group of mutual friends from school that we are both still really close with. We see a lot of each other. I took the "acknowledge him but have absolutely nothing to do with him" approach because I think if he ever tried to talk to me he probably wouldn't be able to walk properly ever again. So although we see each other and i acknowledge his existence, we have nothing else to do with each other.

 

I thought I was going ok but the past few weeks have been torture with him constantly being on my mind.

I don't think about getting back with him or anything like that just him, and what he's doing etc. and it breaks my heart everyday because I think about him and then remember how after 6 years he treated me and made me feel like the lowest piece of dirt on earth.

 

So I need advice on what to do because I have tried keeping busy and doing things to take my mind of him but it's not working and I really need it to stop before it tips me over the edge and I see him and completely lose my at him.

 

Sorry for the whole back story but I guess I needed to put it into context for people to understand my predicament.

So any advice would be great..

 

Thanks

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Hi and welcome!

 

I'm really sorry for what you're going through, I know how much it hurts.

 

I think the first thing you need to do is block him -- RIGHT NOW! -- on Facebook. Block him and any mutual friends who you think might be potential sources of information about him. You also need to block him on any other social sites you use. If you're using a site that doesn't let you block people, then sorry but for your sake you need to close down your account for a few months so you can start to heal from this breakup.

 

The goal is to make him completely disappear from your world, online and off, so you can heal without having to worry about any fresh new incoming information causing you additional pain.

 

Here's a guide that will help you: link removed

 

Keep posting -- and reading through the other threads here! There's lots of great advice and support to be found.

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Thanks for the advice

I don't have him as a friend on Facebook and when this all happened I blocked him straight away but my curiosity of what he was doing kept making me unblock him. I think it's time I just did it and stuck to it for good!

 

Reading through the other posts last night definitely helped me to gain some perspective on things and took my mind off of others.

 

Thanks again

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Oh the overseas spouse adventure... probably one of the most common relationships ruiner.

 

Anyway, if you already have the mindset that you don't want him that's good. Try to minimize his presence in your life as well.

 

What have you been doing to get back on your best?

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Deep down his actions didn't surprise me at all and I've taken to seeing it as a blessing in disguise...if he could do that to me now then what would have been stopping him from doing it when we were say engaged or had a family together.

I am definitely better of without him but that hasn't and doesn't help make the healing process easier.

 

When it first happened I went out a lot with lots of different friendship groups which I really enjoyed. I spent time with as many people as possible whenever I could.

Lately it's been a lot harder. Everyone I am close too that I would contact to see on a weekend or go out with are all in committed relationships now.

I've definitely done things backwards.. committed relationship during my teens while everyone my age is partying and then single in my early 20's when everyone I know is ready to settle down a little and enjoy a relationship.

I started a new hobbie..blush..crochet haha but it only keeps me busy for a while before I'm bored and want to move on from it.

Also exercising when I feel like it..going for a walk when I need to get out and clear my head.

 

I don't know...I was going really well and I've just found it's been a real struggle these past few weeks for some reason.

I found out through mutual friends he is going back to Greece and is travelling with the same girl he cheated on me with. He told everyone how much he loved her as soon as he got back anyway so it's no surprise to me that he is going back there where he had no responsibility and not a care in the world to do it all over again.

 

Anyway..I guess I'm just going to try going back to taking it a day at a time and really focusing on myself and other things rather than him.

 

Fingers crossed!!

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Honestly, for myself I have to do a daily pep talk otherwise I keep forgetting about his betrayal and mistreatment. You just have to keep on reminding yourself that he is not good for you, so that you don't let the emotions and missing of him overtake over your logic. You obviously still love him, and it requires some time to let it go.

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