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Not sure if I want to.


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Is it wrong to not trust in the whole being in a relationship thing. I just realized, it's not the fear of meeting another dud guy, it's the fact that I was attracted to them in the first place. I don't trust myself. I thought I was taking stepping stones to a better guy to share my life with. I was sadly mistaken. It's been almost 5 months single. Don't get me wrong I don't mind being single. This is about the future and not repeating the same mistake. Has anyone been in this situation ? How did it pan out for you?

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I'm in kind of the same boat now. A combination of not trusting others and not trusting myself. I think that means (to me) that I'm not ready to seek out a relationship...so I'm not putting any energy into that right now. If I met someone and there were some interest, I would have to see if I still felt the same way. I think we attract the same kind of people to bring certain lessons to our lives so I try and examine what I learned from each failed relationship. I think what I learned from my last 2 relationships that 'not very stellar guys' feel safer b/c I feel like I have the upper hand....that's not pretty to look at b/c it says some unattractive things about myself....but really all good to know so that I don't repeat the same pattern.

In summary....do a relationship autopsy on your last few choices in men and also don't date until you feel you've gotten past the bitter/angry/jaded stage that comes after most difficult break ups.

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I created my own boundaries - what I wanted out of a relationship. What I felt was acceptable and what wasn't. How I felt I should have been treated. My friends made fun saying that I was too picky but I stuck to it. There is not usually a guy that suddenly becomes bad, most of the time we are shown red flags about a person early on. Our heart hides them from us and we choose not to see them because we really don't want to be disappointed.

Is there a pattern in the men you date? What common factors did they have about them that made them "duds"?

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Thank you for your reply. I am not interested in a relationship at present. I guess between work and my family there isn't much time to ponder and pick out the gem of a lesson from the failed relationships .. I guess I need to do that more. I agree, people come into your life to show you the truth about yourself. Thanks again..

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I was wondering that very same thing. That's where I need to be objective with myself and my choices in the past. It's uncomfortable . And it's embarrassing unto myself. I'm almost ashamed of myself. But proud that I ended them too. Because I realized at a certain point that they were toxic and I had to leave.. Thank you for your insight.. It helped me understand I was on the right track..

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Learn to trust yourself. Reflect. Odds are good that there were warning signs, or unrealistic expectations attached to those previous relationships. You have to learn to trust yourself at the time to make good decisions. Doesn't mean that you're always going to win, but it does make a world of difference when you have to pick yourself back up.

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