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How do I get out of this entaglement?


Sofie

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I got into an online "thing" for the lack of better label nearly a year ago. We have never met due to living on opposite sides of the world. We hit it off and for the first few months I felt like I was walking on air. We never had a label although our conversations were intense and definitely both romantic and sexual.

 

We met through an online gaming site and after about 6 months, I noticed him being close to another girl on there. Just a sixth sense that something is going on with them privately. I got to talk to this girl and I asked her. Sure enough, they have had flirty correspondence going privately. It was definitely romantic but not as deep as ours. Still, I felt betrayed. I confronted him and he apologized profusely, admitted responsibility but still reminded me that we are not exclusive. Ever since then, this girl is still someone he talks to pretty often. It bothers me and I feel betrayed, yet have no right to forbid him to talk to anyone. She also enjoys playing games with me with slipping comments about him and her every chance she gets.

 

Due to all this, we had many random fights that I initiated. I tried to walk away a number of times. He was incredibly persistent in chasing me and trying to make us work despite all the arguments. He kept saying that he never felt this way, not with that other girl or anyone in his life. When we fight, he is genuinely distressed and tries way harder than me to make up. Still, the root of all our fights is that girl. You would think that if cares about me that much, he would distance himself from her. But nope, isn't happening.

 

We have vague plans to meet. Right now, I just can't take the stress of all this any longer. I want out. I am exhausted. I really don't want more drama which I know will happen in spades if I try to end it again. I don't want anymore messages. I would also like to keep being part of that online gaming community despite things ending with us.

 

I am considering fading out. Just not be available to talk often, take slower to respond to his emails, be less chatty. The after few weeks of this just stop talking altogether.

 

Is this a good plan? Any ideas?

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Can't you block him?

 

I managed to block him everywhere but gmail. Gmail has an option to forward his emails to trash (which I am) but they sit in the trash for 30 days and I always cave and end up looking. I would love to be able to block him from sending me anything.

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Empty your trash every day without looking at it. There needs to be some kind of motivation behind ignoring him rather than relying on the block options you have. Because you gave him your personal email address, this is something you'll just have to deal with.

Sofie, it is clear that this is not a relationship to him. In fact, I'm sure he is seeing other girls in real life as well. I don't know why he insists on keeping you around, perhaps for attention - perhaps he gets a kick out of controlling another person from halfway accross the world. Either way, it is not with any positive agenda and that is what you need to remember. He will stop eventually once you ignore him long enough. As long as you keep replying to him, he won't leave you alone.

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Empty your trash every day without looking at it. There needs to be some kind of motivation behind ignoring him rather than relying on the block options you have. Because you gave him your personal email address, this is something you'll just have to deal with.

Sofie, it is clear that this is not a relationship to him. In fact, I'm sure he is seeing other girls in real life as well. I don't know why he insists on keeping you around, perhaps for attention - perhaps he gets a kick out of controlling another person from halfway accross the world. Either way, it is not with any positive agenda and that is what you need to remember. He will stop eventually once you ignore him long enough. As long as you keep replying to him, he won't leave you alone.

 

Thanks. You are correct. I think he enjoys the ego boost of having my attention. This is a new experience for me since I never had a guy who is not that into me work that hard. He writes pages and pages of his thoughts and feelings to convince me not "break up". He is also in constant daily contact, never missed a beat. I only know of this one girl and who knows how many there are. I get the impression that he doesn't have much of a life if he has so much time to put into these dead end online romances. It's kind of sad when you think about it.

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Thanks. You are correct. I think he enjoys the ego boost of having my attention. This is a new experience for me since I never had a guy who is not that into me work that hard. He writes pages and pages of his thoughts and feelings to convince me not "break up". He is also in constant daily contact, never missed a beat. I only know of this one girl and who knows how many there are. I get the impression that he doesn't have much of a life if he has so much time to put into these dead end online romances. It's kind of sad when you think about it.

 

He sounds like someone you shouldn't be wasting your time with. Writing pages and pages of letters to try and convince you to not break up is ridiculous. My ex (who I dated in person) wrote me pages and pages of romantic nonsense after we broke up and it ultimately meant nothing. That's what this is for you too... it doesn't really mean anything. Empty your trash and try to hold on to the negatives of this relationship. The hardest part about letting someone go is accepting that this is truly the right thing for you and sticking to that decision.

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I would just tell him straight up, this isn't OK for you. You may not have had a label, but this feels like an infidelity, and so you are wanting to go your own ways...then do it.

 

Also, stay away from her. Geez. Masochistic, much? If you don't play with her, you don't have to hear about her still talking to him.

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So I told him again that I don't want anymore contact. Sure enough I got ton of email about his feelings again.

 

Only now, I only feel emptiness when reading his words. It all seems fake and hollow, designed to keep me on a string. I even asked him to stop talking to that woman and he was sooo understanding and had so many excuses on why that is not possible, but they "don't talk like we do" and "they don't have what we have". Sure buddy.

 

I think that now that I have said my piece, I can just move on without responding.

 

I feel very foolish for not seeing through this earlier. I wasted whole year being emotionally invested in this crap.

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