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Do relationships ever workout after first breakup?


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Do relationships ever workout after first breakup? first loves? its been 4 months..

They are extremely rare, but they do happen. I am my fiance's first love and he is marrying me. We once broke up for a year to date other people... didn't work out for either of us, so we got back together. However, I have dated 7 people before him.

 

So if the relationship fails, it didn't work out for a good reason. It takes one special person to be compatible with your needs.

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Yes, they do but I've found typically if you get back together it's not the same. There are exceptions to the rule, but it's rare. I've heard from girls i dated years ago, i don't ever pursue it because once I'm over it, I'm over it.

 

Move on, that's the best thing to do. It's funny when you move on from some one you finally then see why they weren't for you. To me, it's selfish to stay hung up and trying to get back with some one, let them go find who they need to meet and be happy. When my ex dumped me i told her good luck, you're a great girl and i meant it.

 

There millions of women out there, put yourself out there, go out, talk to women, flirt, have fun.

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Okay so my ex was my first love and I believe I was his… it's actually funny 7.5 years together and I never asked him…oh well

 

Anyway we broke up 4 years ago for the first time- he broke up with me. After begging and pleading he took me back in 3 months. It was never the same…we still loved each other, but I started walking on eggshells afraid he was going to leave me again. We stopped trusting each other and stopped communicating well because we were both afraid we'd lose each other.

 

We jumped back into the relationship without correcting the problems that caused our break-up in the first place. We both deeply loved each other but we cycled into the same doom again this december. Same problems came creeping back up 4 years later.And now we aren't together… probably for good.

 

So to answer your question… I think it definitely can work out but you have to take enough time before getting back together to fix what caused that break-up, grow as a person, figure out what went wrong. If your both willing to work on it, I'd say you have a shot and keeping your love alive.

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Just speaking from my own experience, the relationship worked fine and we stayed together for many years afterwards. I believe this was because the Dumper is the one who initiated the contact, pushed for a reconciliation and did all the work to make it happen.

 

We had no self-improvement during our time broken up and didn't work through any problems or grow or change -- either as people or as a couple. The only ONE change that occurred was.... the Dumper changed their mind.

 

I really believe this is all it takes for a reconciliation to occur and to be successful. The Dumper changes their mind. They decide they can't live without the Dumpee and are determined to make it work. Completely on their own, with no contact or attempts to manipulate on the part of the Dumpee.

 

That's how it worked for me, anyway.

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Hey sharky, I know I probably shouldn't be asking this because it may get my hopes up, (actually rationally I know there is less than zero hope left but emotionally I'm still in denial). But can you tell a little more about why you broke up, how was the breakup period for you, what made you change your mind, how did the dumpee handle your BU, what did te dumpee do all this time being broken up,.. I'm really curious which circumstances can make a breakup reversible and which don't.

 

I survived this awful weekend, but am suite shocked she didnt acknowledge my bday as she has been calling three times in the previousweeks! Only on her terms, I guess. And she doesnt care about my wants/beeds. I hope she nver contacts again unless she changed her mind though.

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I know I’m speaking from the boice of a heartbroken woman who is 2 days post BU

 

But me and my current ex split up 4 weeks ago, only for a day, as he has work stresses which is affecting our relationship and his ability to commit, I talked him round and so did his mum (mummys boy!). We went straight away on a fabulous holiday and never dealt with the pressures in our relationship.

 

We have just broken up again for the same reason, and the only way I can ever see us working is if he comes back to me. He has to want this as much as I do. He was the dumper and I think if he comes back, its because he realises despite all the rubbish in his life, he wants me and our relationship in it.

 

If I talk him round again then he wont have time to miss and evaluate me and our relationship.

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Unfortunately I lowered myself to the begging and pleading and bargaining , I know this was only pushing her away further but I am only human, and really didn't want this RS to end. I wish I had just walk away in the first place and in doing so optimize chances of getting back together.

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Hey sharky, I know I probably shouldn't be asking this because it may get my hopes up, (actually rationally I know there is less than zero hope left but emotionally I'm still in denial). But can you tell a little more about why you broke up, how was the breakup period for you, what made you change your mind, how did the dumpee handle your BU, what did te dumpee do all this time being broken up,.. I'm really curious which circumstances can make a breakup reversible and which don't.

 

I survived this awful weekend, but am suite shocked she didnt acknowledge my bday as she has been calling three times in the previousweeks! Only on her terms, I guess. And she doesnt care about my wants/beeds. I hope she nver contacts again unless she changed her mind though.

 

I gave a lot of lame excuses for breaking up, but if I'm honest I think I just wanted to be free to see who else was out there before settling down for good. I felt like our relationship had problems, we fought a lot and wanted to live on opposite coasts, and I thought I could do better -- or at least find someone just as good.

 

My then-ex boyfriend did nothing to get me back. I moved 3,000 miles away almost immediately after the breakup. There was no contact for many many months afterwards. I dated other people and had a lot of fun, but still missed my ex and realized our connection was special. No one I met made me forget him and the more time went by, the more I missed him. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and contacted him and asked to get back together. He agreed and I flew out to visit him. A few months later I moved back to LA for good and we were married the following year. We were married for 18 years and remain great friends and co-parents today.

 

I think it really comes down to the Dumper. I hadn't lost romantic feelings for my then-ex, which I think was important. I never tried to string him along or keep him as a backup plan. It was hard to break up with him and contact would've made it worse.`I was more angry at him and frustrated by the bi-coastal logistics, plus I had a big dose of GIGS as we met in college and I hadn't spent enough time as a single adult on my own.

 

I'm not sure if any of this is relevant to your situation, but that's what happened to me.

 

I'm glad to hear you made it through the weekend.

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