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Resentful to ex fiancee after leaving him over 3 years ago


tinagrah

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My ex fiancee and I were engaged for 10 years. I really tried with him. One day he found an email on my laptop from another guy that I was flirting with. I dumped him and moved on with my life after that time. When I dumped him he lost it, said he loved me...cried, said he couldn't live with out me..he went crazy...crying to ex neighbor (She actually called me saying she couldn't deal with this)

 

I got curious and checked out his facebook page. All I can say is ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?! He lost a ton of weight, he got an apartment in manhattan, his picture page shows him drinking a beer, he NEVER drank when he was with me...and he hated bars. He lives in my old neighborhood where I went to college, how did he do that when his credit was shot!?!?!? I used to go to every movie with him that he wanted to go to, and every now and then I'd bug him to go to a concert with me and he never did because he didn't like concerts and I go on his page and see he is a big billy joel fan now!?!? I've loved Billy since I was 8 years old. Subconsciously he must be doing this to piss me off.

 

I inquired with a couple of people that still talk to him and they say he is not the same person anymore. He's much more outgoing, funny and laid back than he used to be apparently. He's seeing women left and right, living the life I lived in college but he's in his mid 40s. He was very rigid, I used to hang out at my brothers house but he would never go saying the smell of pot gave him a headache...pathetic huh?

 

I guess my resentment is why wasn't he like this when he was with me? I pushed and pushed and pushed for over a decade and he just worked and played video games. My current guy proposed to me a few months ago, I accepted and I can not stop thinking about my ex fiancee. Combined with his current outlook on life and the reasons I fell in love with him even before that I'm having second thoughts. I find myself almost daily unblocking him from my facebook page so I can see what is going on in his life, I feel like I'm missing out. I'm with a wonderful man now and I thought it would pass, but it's been over 2 weeks since I looked him up.

 

I can not stop thinking about him, he was half the man I wanted 10 years ago, now he's become all of it.

 

I want to forget about him, or call him...or something...It keeps me up at night. Thanks for letting me spew.

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I think it's pretty ridiculous you call him pathetic for not wanting to hang out with stoners. I smoke weed, but have nothing against those who don't and would never call someone pathetic for that reason. And good for him if he wasn't a big drinker. So there's all that. Then, you were flirting with a guy while engaged? And now you're having second thoughts in your current relationship over an ex? Many problems here. Be single for a while.

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He grew up. It happens.

Just years to late....and as you can see...he is still way behind the curve.

He isn't doing this to "do" anything to you.

 

If you aren't happy with current fiancé...own it.

But if you attempt to get in touch with ex....it will restart old patterns of behavior... not necessarily the relationship.

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He over reacted when it came to my brother. I didn't smell anything but he said he did, it was ridiculous. He'd think of any excuse not to go to his apartment. I'm not saying I was or am perfect, yes I'm with a wonderful man...and I want to push this out of my head, I moved on for over 2 years not giving a crap about him, he came up in conversation and I got curious is all, I checked because I cared. Someone mentioned the things he is doing and how he is living and i didn't believe it. He was such an before.

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My first thought was if you are together for 10 years and never got married, then something isn't right. I don't understand being engaged for 10 years, that makes no sense to me. I guess it didn't to you guys either because you didn't marry.

 

As for his changes, I mean, people do mature, grow up, whatever. Maybe he has, maybe he hasn't. However, I wouldn't dwell on it because you don't know the story, you just see some photos on facebook, you don't know what his inner life is like. And more importantly, shouldn't you be focusing on your current fiance?

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