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I think hes's flaking


maccerz

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So I've already posted a thread about this particular person but I just want people's opinions on this new situation. Basically I met a friend of a friend last week, he then messaged e on facebook asking for my number, he texted me asking did i wanna meet up sometime and i said yeah and we agreed we'd do something this wednesday. He would only send 1 text a day usually but the texts were very long and detailed. On Sunday night he sent me a very long and friendly message and I replied later that night and in my message I asked what he'd like to do on Wednesday, it's now Tuesday evening and I just never heard back from him... I'm assuming the date isn't happening. I have a feeling he's gonna text me tomorrow about it but in my mind that's just too late, I dont wanna be waiting around to make plans with him a few hours before we're supposed to be going! So I think if I don't hear from him by tonight that's it and if he texts tomorrow I'm just gonna respond saying 'sorry assumed it wasn't happening because i hadnt heard from u, iv made other plans' and just leave it at that. what do people think?

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If he REALLY wanted to make sure there was a date he would...

 

but then again you guys just met, and this is casual, perhaps different expectations?

 

Yeah perhaps, but then what's the point in getting in anyway involved with someone who has different expectations to me, it only causes stress and it's supposed to be fun! I think I'm just gonna call it a day on this one.. it's a pity cause I thought he was a nice guy and this is my first date since I broke up with my ex so I was actually quite excited for it but I dont think I'm ready for all this rejection haha

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Yeah perhaps, but then what's the point in getting in anyway involved with someone who has different expectations to me, it only causes stress and it's supposed to be fun! I think I'm just gonna call it a day on this one.. it's a pity cause I thought he was a nice guy and this is my first date since I broke up with my ex so I was actually quite excited for it but I dont think I'm ready for all this rejection haha

 

Ah, I didn't realise you've had a recent break-up. In that scenario I would say that it's better for you to decide that you don't want to go on a date with a (potential) flake than suffer the rejection of him not texting tomorrow - cos if he was really interested he would've arranged the date properly by now.

 

Dating takes a very thick skin, even saying yes to a date is a step in the right direction, I'm sure you'll be ready one day soon

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Yeah perhaps, but then what's the point in getting in anyway involved with someone who has different expectations to me, it only causes stress and it's supposed to be fun! I think I'm just gonna call it a day on this one.. it's a pity cause I thought he was a nice guy and this is my first date since I broke up with my ex so I was actually quite excited for it but I dont think I'm ready for all this rejection haha

 

take some more time maccerz, and wait for the right guy!

 

 

He will be making god damned sure you know what time the date is, and perhaps even REconfirm. Especially in your beginning stages of healing, as hodgeheg says, try to protect yourself from a potential flake on the get-go...how long since the break up?

 

Also a lot of people have a nonchalant attitude these days and that's what I meant by expectations. I sometimes make plans with friends the same day, but for romantic interests I try to give them much more lead time.

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Ah, I didn't realise you've had a recent break-up. In that scenario I would say that it's better for you to decide that you don't want to go on a date with a (potential) flake than suffer the rejection of him not texting tomorrow - cos if he was really interested he would've arranged the date properly by now.

 

Dating takes a very thick skin, even saying yes to a date is a step in the right direction, I'm sure you'll be ready one day soon

 

Yeah you're right! God knows why he went to the bother of getting my number and sending me all those ridiculously long messages, but whatever, plenty more fish in the sea!

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take some more time maccerz, and wait for the right guy!

 

 

He will be making god damned sure you know what time the date is, and perhaps even REconfirm. Especially in your beginning stages of healing, as hodgeheg says, try to protect yourself from a potential flake on the get-go...how long since the break up?

 

Also a lot of people have a nonchalant attitude these days and that's what I meant by expectations. I sometimes make plans with friends the same day, but for romantic interests I try to give them much more lead time.

 

Thanks BigKK! I definitely need to protect myself, if this whole thing has taught me anything it's that I'm still very fragile and probably need more time to heal! We've been broken up 2 months!

Yeah I agree a lot of people have a very laid back attitude about this stuff, I'm just not one of them sadly haha! Still though not texting 2 days later is a bit rude, not sure what he's really playing at. Anyway it's not my problem anymore

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Yeah perhaps, but then what's the point in getting in anyway involved with someone who has different expectations to me, it only causes stress and it's supposed to be fun! I think I'm just gonna call it a day on this one.. it's a pity cause I thought he was a nice guy and this is my first date since I broke up with my ex so I was actually quite excited for it but I dont think I'm ready for all this rejection haha

 

Nowhere in this is any evidence that he's not a nice guy. He's just not as interested as you are.

 

Take some time to heal from your break up so you can relax about dating a bit.

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Yep, maccerz I 100% back you up on this, I don't particularly like the way he's gone about things either. Particularly because he hasn't texted for two days. I let people learn my boundaries first though, and then if they forget or attempt to break them again, then I walk. If you get a text tomorrow I would say it is too late, but offer an alternative day (if you're still interested). If he isn't interested or the same situation occurs, yep - for whatever reason it's better to walk.

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You should not be dating because you - OP - do not sound like you are ready.

 

The guy does not know you. You have not even been on a date - how can he even be motivated or invested?

 

People this is real life. He is likely handling job, friends, and family - it is entirely reasonable that a man may not think of exact plans until the day of. It does not mean disrespect or he is a player!

 

The bigger problem is the OP - who is way too invested and worried sick over a few texts. Relax!

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