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JSB

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I've replied on a few threads about my situation with the guy that I'd been with (& stopped seeing in December)

Story: we were seeing each other for a year. Both had been REALLY hurt in the past & were trying to take it slow but the feelings were so deep. . After about 11 months, him meeting all of my family. . he became a really big part of me & my kids life, started having some personal issues in both of our lives & he couldn't be there for me like I deserved but wasn't too specific, he became distant & eventually we decided to stop seeing each other We never "fought" had some disagreements but overall we had a great chemistry... anyway. . I really didn't agree with the "break up" & didn't handle it well. .

 

 

For the first month, we still stayed in contact & still had 2 "encounters" ..he still texted slowly, stopped & they became really random texts from him yet I still was continuing to tell him I missed him & text him as if we were still seeing each other. He started to back away until he completely backed away I sent him a final email and poured my heart out to him. . . when he didn't respond, I was so hurt & decided it was best that I just move on.

 

Last night (after a about a week and a half after I sent the email) he emails me to tell me that he's sorry that things have gone & that they have to be this way right now, but not forever. . that he misses me and my kids. . thinks about us, etc. I am conflicted because I've been so hurt the last month, without him. . and just as I decide that, though I am IN LOVE with him, I need to probably move on, he emails me back. I don't know how to respond or what to say. I don't know what he means by "not being able to give me what I need" Should I ask him what he means exactly ? Should I respond or just leave it alone?

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IMO, if you don't respond your questions will continue to mount and it will probably get the best of you. I get that you two were civil about the break up but one person didn't agree with it but none the less you two never fought and you two can continue to be civil.

I don't know exactly what you said when you poured your heart out, but there is a wall that he has built. I don't know if its fear, embarrassment, hiding something from you, maybe lied to you about something and cant tell you the truth. There is something that is preventing him from going any further in the relationship. This whole "personal issues" is a bunch of crap. If I was deeply in love, I would want to deal with my issues with my partner, but I digress...

If there is to be any future with him, then these walls must be brought down together in couples therapy. I think that a professional have a sit down with the two of you and work on bringing this barrier down. If he is not willing to do this with you and work it out on his own, its saying I will do this when I get around to it and a guy will put that off for as long as he has to.

As a guy I can tell you that I wouldn't want to work on my 'personal issues' by myself, I would rather ignore them and see if I can still do everything with you minus the relationship part. My take is that as long as you are available to him, you are not helping him and this cycle will continue.

I don't think that there is anything wrong with responding if you feel like you are in love with him then put the ball in his court and offer couples counseling, if he says no, then you can walk away knowing that you tried to work it out and he was not willing.

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Saying things "have to be like this now but not forever"...keeps you waiting to see how much time is between "now" and "forever". Do not put your life on hold for him for any reason. Do not respond and keep moving on.

 

Thanks...didn't mention about putting I'm life on hold. He already knows thats not an option...Definitely not doing that. was just wondering how to respond ..I did respond and kept it simple .. I think I can move on knowing that I can communicate with him without hoping that it will lead to us getting back together .

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Thanks..I appreciate your response and totally agree... I however am not planning to make any steps or efforts. Like you said the ball is in his court bc he knows how I feel about him. And he says he still feels the same ..if he feels it enough to make a change than he will , if not its his loss!

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