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Dreams and ambition?


Dougie_D

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So here's the deal. I went through pictures of myself, and I'm like "yeah, I may not be the hottest thing in the world but I have the look that you'll always laugh and that I'm a just a great guy" "I am so unique, you can't hate me."

 

I'm starting realize I've wasted mass amount of time trying to be something that I'm not. I need to focus on myself for once. Not even care about what girls or even guys say.

 

Is it true that dreams and ambitions for a guy is sexy? Because I've decided I need to be more serious about what I want in life and not just the ladies. It's not getting in shape, health, or that. I need to pursue my dreams about being a successful songwriter. It's been in my heart for over 20 years but I've always half-a$$ed it. Time to gamble with other things besides poker.

 

This will be hopefully my last post here. I hope the next time I will be where I want to be.. Thanks everyone!

-

Doug

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A man with ambition is attractive/sexy, a man who wants to create ambitions to become sexy is a joke.

 

Do whatever the hell you want to do, just do it for yourself and no one else.

If song writing is your passion and what you feel like doing, do it. No second thoughts.

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You say you're not going to care about what girls/guys say....but yet you're asking if dreams and ambitions are sexy for guys? So you do still care! It doesn't matter. Do what you want while still being realistic. I hope you find what will make you happy.

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I agree...if your goal is to follow your dreams and be happy, do that for YOU. It'll make you feel good to make improvements for yourself and to go at something full throttle vs. half a$$. Do it for you. The rest will fall in place.

You're very young still but yes, its important to have drive, ambition, work towards your goals, etc. Not to "get girls", but because you have a lot of living to do ahead of you ....what would your plan be if you didn't have goals?? Just to wing it for the next 70 years?

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-Dougie, you need to eliminate this me, me, me, me angle you have going.

 

-You need to stop trying so much, it comes off as desperation. Women can read people far better than men, and you are probably broadcasting some weak bodylanguage- i might even gamble that the topics you bring, or your demeanor is off.

 

- Focus on your personality and imagine what kind of person people want around them. Funny, charismatic, intelligence, all attractive traits- forget the TOO FRIENDLY might end up in the ZONE. Thats bs, you end up in the zone because you dont have the skills to attract her. I become bestfriends with women i date, if anything... if we want to discuss GAME, that is the strongest GAME of them all. And if you end up in the zone a lot, good... spread your social circle, and you are in a far better position than being alone and working in a vacuum with no feedback from women.

 

- Manage your looks for physical attraction.

 

- develop your character. Ambition is a STRONG character trait. Strong character is attractive - do this because you want it, because if you do it to compensate for something you believe you dont have, then you are in fact not developing strong character, because a strong-person does not need or fish for validation. You are just putting on a mask, and you are right back to my first and second point in this list.

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You come back and post the same lame threads about pretty faces, alpha males or something so ridiculous that it hurts reading it.

 

Well, for once the thread is about something different, here, isn't it? So give credit where credit is due.

 

I'm not sure how much of your "toughlove" is about helping Dougie, and how much is about being angry that you feel you've wasted your time. Seems like the latter. There's no disclaimer on this site that spending oodles of time trying to help people might not come to anything, but it's implied.

 

Also, I don't think working on a dating profile can help someone with more fundamental personality obstacles to overcome, like lack of motivation and seriousness about seeing things through in life. You can doctor up a photo, or a profile, and even get in shape and it'll just be a temporary and fleeting "fix" at very best. Dougie's problem is that he has no direction and stick-to-it-ness, which is such a strong flaky vibe, I can feel it even though I'm not a real-life friend of his; he comes accross as someone who is not really working towards ANYTHING in life, beit a small goal or a big one, and just wants to horse around -- and that's supremely unsexy. Especially at his age, women are looking for more "beef" than that. Is it wrong to want to improve this aspect of himself because it'll make him sexier? No, it's not wrong. After all, we are telling him to work out and get in shape so that he'll feel and be sexier and more date-able, too. Nothing wrong with hoping your qualities make you sexy and desirable.

 

HOWEVER, THAT SHOULD NOT BE THE ONLY REASON YOU'RE DOING IT. That reason should be a bonus, not a main driver. You should want to find some direction, some goal, some focus in your life for YOU, because you're wasting your life otherwise. You should want to get in shape because you want to be fit and healthy, to feel more energy to do the things you want to do, and hopefully live better, longer, with less chronic health issues that arise when you don't take care of yourself. All these things you do for yourself, and then to feel and be more desirable would be a natural "reward".

 

I get the feeling from this post that Dougie wants both. I think it's a huge step in the right direction to say that you've wasted a lot of your life, Dougie. You need to light a fire under your ass. You need to wake up. And I'd like to think maybe this thread means you're on the right track with that. In your last thread, you identified that you have a real problem with seeing anything through. You knew that was a core problem. And so seeing this thread -- which is not some silly question about how to improve your game or your look -- you're for once focusing on WHAT YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON, which is your real problem.

 

GOOD!!!!!!!!!

 

I also think it's a step in the right direction to say that you've been trying to be something you're not. I agree! On a lot of fronts. So you have your work cut out for you to be more clear about yourself.

 

It would be a mistake to just focus on one aspect of your life though, Dougie. I wish you well with the songwriting endeavor, but like your threads always zeroing in on one thing as if it's the be-all-end-all as an "answer", you need to treat life as a mixture of elements that need to be worked on and cultivated simultaneously. There is no ONE thing you need to be doing -- you need to be well-rounded in this effort. It's not JUST about getting in shape, it's not JUST about getting more clear what you want to do and what your intention is for your life, it's not JUST about exploring new social niches as I've recommended to you -- it's about all of it. ALL OF IT. So don't repeat the same error you make in all your threads, which is going, "AHA! I've found the ANSWER! It's my (fill in the blank) that's the problem!"

 

IT'S ALL OF IT.

 

But this is much more to the point than your other threads.

 

And hopefully, it's not just a passing mood...and something else you give up on. Because then it's just the same thing with a new twist.

 

And if you do, I'm just going to bring back this thread like a bad broken record. As long as I'm here.

 

Good luck -- I hope you don't forget this mini revelation and go right back to the way you were thinking before. Remember that you have to think like this all the time for it to stick, and to come to something. That's why it's harder than you'd like it to be.

 

If it starts feeling difficult -- you're doing something right. The more difficult and the more you feel it's asking you to push yourself past a comfort zone, the righter it is.

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Dali, just because you are giving yourself pats on your back for helping Doug doesnt mean you can get away with being insulting. Saying hes ena forest gump doesnt help... I am not even so sure why you strongly think your advice is so sound to be even followed...

 

I second this. It's one thing to be annoyed with someone (and yeah, Dougie does post a lot of the same issues over and over), but insulting someone like that isn't cool no matter what. Just do what I do when I don't like someone on ENA...don't ever acknowledge them!

 

Also, Dougie...look...I know you want some kind of female companionship. Whether you just want to get laid or want something more meaningful, I think you need to do two basic things:

 

1. Stop caring so much and trying so hard with women. Women have what I call a "sixth sense"...they can smell desperation miles away. I know this from experience. The one basic requirement that 99.9% of women have? Confidence. You need to acquire this. I don't know how...but you just do. It is absolutely essential to having any measure of success with women.

 

2. Work on your appearance. We gave you advice on how to do this is another thread. Fix/whiten your teeth, lose some weight...you'll be 80% of the way there. Then, instead of wearing your hair messy, use a molding paste and try to slick it back like Patrick Dempsey (that's kinda how I do my hair). Even your friends will compliment your improvements, which in turn will help your confidence.

 

Outside of women, just do you man. Stop worrying so much about what others will think. Live your life for you.

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I too hope for the best for this guy. I honestly hope he improves himself to the level where he is happy in his own skin, just improve himself for himself and I hope this is not just another attempt at getting sex.

 

Good luck mate on your journey I hope those tips I gave you in another thread helped

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I agree with this.

 

I would also like to add that I think you should pursue music as a highly invested hobby rather than a career or lifestyle. You're 33 and you're probably not going to find a foothold as a songwriter alone. You can still write songs but do it as a hobby, not as a life choice. My boyfriend knew around 20 that he wasn't going to make it big as a singer. He plays just about everyday and has a beautiful voice but it takes a lot more than that to be famous or make money off of it. He enjoys it and keeps it in his life but he knows he's not going to survive off music.

 

Ambition is very attractive in men and in women.

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Gump was an INTERESTING person. He left home and went many places. Dougie_D your not much of an interesting person. No one wants to go to a pity party. Being interesting comes from life experience. You could probably give us a novel on going out and getting rejected but women don't want that nonsense and it's boring. What you truly need is to be unplugged from the web and social media. Work on becoming a man of life. Like forest gump.

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