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I'm I too needy ? ( male op)


abeworld

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Hello everyone,

 

Please, don't hate posts, Keep this civilized..

 

So basically, here's my story.

 

I've been dating a girl for 2 month now, I met her because she was the girlfriend of a friend ( yeah the whole situation kinda sucked) , they broke up and we got along.

 

An important detail is that she's living at 2h train from me so we only see each other on the weekend( She mostly come because she's still a student, and i cover the fees of the train).

 

So basically, I'm normally someone with a really tick skin, i dont talk alot and i dont express my feelings that much. But with her its completely different,

 

I fell in love in less than a month of dating her ( and thats rare, i've been through 6 relationships and its the first time it happens, i rarely fall in love) and I mean, i Really LOVE her, I could do anything for her.

 

And actually I do. I try to think about nice gifts all the time, bring her breakfast in bed, I always try to make the weekend perfect for her to have fun and to feel loved, im cuddling etc.

 

for her next week birthday, I take her to Paris,( shes never been there) , as a surprise.

 

In the beginning i felt loved. She was cuddling, loving etc and during the week she was texting me a lot, skyping most of the time.

 

But she had an exam one monday so we decided to skip one weekend of seeing each other so she could focus on studying.

And since then , nothing is the same anymore.

 

I was under a lot of pressure because of work ( im a newly consultant in IT in a relatively ok compagny so i need to step up and be effective ) so when i come back from work, i expected a lot of attention that I didnt get, sometimes i was hurt and mad ( but i didnt really make a drama about it )

 

Once she went to her ex boyfriend ( She consider him as family, and i believe her, i dont think she would cheat on me ) to cook for them ( shes really friend with his sister ex boyfriend ) and she spend the whole day there.

 

I didn't get any text from her, nothing. i was hurt, so i decided to not send anything either. and in the evening pretended that everything was fine. The next day, i went to a friend and she texted me " " like she was sad i didnt text her . and there i exploded.

 

Told her that i was mad that shes now sad when im at my friend but she doesnt feel the need to text me when shes at hers..

 

and she took it really wrong, told me that she prefers me to say things like that instead of keeping that inside and explode after, and from that moment, i felt shes cold with me.

 

the weekend finally came and we see each other, we had time together but i felt she wasnt that close, sure we had sex and cuddles but i felt someting was missing.

 

So i told her that i needed more attention and feels to be loved.

She told me that she felt like we didnt share that much when we are apart, that we dont talk a lot and also that she doesnt feel the need to text me during the day if shes having fun on her own .

 

For some reason, it hurt me because, even tho i have fun with my friends, i always like to text her to say " hey i think about you u know " or someting to show that shes important.

 

Anyway now we are in a point when she told me shes feeling a bit under pressure and need more space because she feels that im too needy.

 

My question is there : I am too needy? Should I , just give her more space and let her have her " life " and just be there for her on the weekend when she's with me ?

Or she's maybe too cold ?

 

 

 

TLDR please read the long text but here it is ) :

 

2 months relationship, 1 month was perfect, now i feel she needs more space even tho whe dont live together, she doesnt feel the need to talk to me for the whole day sometime. I take that wrong, am I too needy and should calm down?

 

Thanks

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Hey sweetie! Chill out. Think of the timeframe. Youve been together TWO months. In thr grand scheme of things that is a really short amount of time. You sound like you have been a really loving bf...maybe TOO loving for your short relationship. She sounds like she has come to expect all the nice things you do without giving much back. Try taking a step back from things being so serious. Let her make the effort as much as you do

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Hey,

thanks for your answer.

You probably right, i should just chill ;-), I'm just afraid she wont do the step to give me more and I'll hope better in the future for.. nothing. and also that if i dont do all the things i used to do, she wont be happy anymore..

 

But thats the future right, no one knows what it is made of, so for now, i'll follow your advice and let the things flow

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I can understand her....when I'm in a relationship I need time for myself (and my friends) too. Not texting doesn't mean she doesn't love you. I think it's important in every relationship that people also have time for themselves. And if I were you I would try to talk more about your feelings and don't bottle everything up.

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I told her about my point of view, that i felt like " i love you ' more ' than you do " and she agreed, she felt that she wasn't on the same level as me. She came out of a really troubled relationship where it was painfull and they broke up so many times but back together etc.

So my guess is that right now, she wants to get the feeling of being completely free and not doing anything she doesnt believe into.

 

I also told her that I'll try to be less needy, work on myself etc. So i'm afraid if i come back with another " Hey i dont feel good right now "

 

she will just be fed up.. so i try to hide my feelings

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Coming late but I agree with what was said.

 

In a relationship both parts should give, and not just one. However, it comes a point where if you're too needy, too worried, too "there" the other person starts taking it for granted and stop feeling the need to also give to the relationship or might even feel smothered. I'm not saying "go cold" or "play games", but just chill, let the relationship flow naturally and give her space too and also use that space to have time for yourself and developing yourself. It's just been two months and if you continue to act like this motivated by the fear of losing her, you'll actually lose her. Relationships and feelings need time to grow. Relax and it will be fine.

 

Also, and I might be reaching here, you seem to be scared of losing her to her old boyfriend, since it's been a short amount of time and he hurt her but she keeps on hanging out with him and his family, so maybe that could be a reason for you to feel so needy and wishing her reassurance that she loves you just as much as you love her. As soon as you work on those internal issues of insecurity you have and stop being afraid of losing her, things will get much better. Give it time, let it be.

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Hey, thanks for sharing your point of view.

 

I kinda need a last advice.. i wrote a really long letter, Like Isandra adviced me to.

I don't really know when to give it to her.. i feel like if i give it to her now, and she already asked for space, she will consider this like a scream for help again or smt.. when do you feel would be a great time to

give it to her.. ?

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imo, you need to pull back and slow down. A trip to Paris is too early. This R feels one sided and yes you are coming accross too strong and too needy. I am sure you are just being loving and wanting to make her happy. start putting more energy into your life and the things you like

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Hey, thanks for sharing your point of view.

 

I kinda need a last advice.. i wrote a really long letter, Like Isandra adviced me to.

I don't really know when to give it to her.. i feel like if i give it to her now, and she already asked for space, she will consider this like a scream for help again or smt.. when do you feel would be a great time to

give it to her.. ?

 

do NOT give her the letter. post it here first or share it with a very close mate you trust with your life.

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I told her about my point of view, that i felt like " i love you ' more ' than you do " and she agreed, she felt that she wasn't on the same level as me. She came out of a really troubled relationship where it was painfull and they broke up so many times but back together etc.

So my guess is that right now, she wants to get the feeling of being completely free and not doing anything she doesnt believe into.

 

I also told her that I'll try to be less needy, work on myself etc. So i'm afraid if i come back with another " Hey i dont feel good right now "

 

she will just be fed up.. so i try to hide my feelings

 

how long ago was her BU? this feels like a little rebound from her end. she was/is not ready

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3 weeks. max.. (the break up)

i already gave her the letter .. i felt depressed because she was cold with me on skype, and she was going to a friend ( she didnt say more.. ) so i give her the letter and told her to read it when she feels the need to.

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