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i want my best friend. how do i deal with these feelings? :(


DaveDreamer

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So i have been "friends" with this girl for a long time. went to school together, then went to uni and even worked at the same place for a while. we are really great friends though i have always felt an attraction for her.

 

so anyway..about 6 months ago our relationships with our current partners were ending at about the same time. we were there for each-other with inspirational words and much needed ego boosts which came in the form of flirting. we have been hanging out and getting closer ever since (btw been in eachothers lives for about 9 years). I played a bit of game a month ago where i just became totally aware of my energy i was sending out.. like being attracted to her and all.. and just stopped it. we met up one night had a totally fun night and we ending up making out! FINALLY!. i think she must have been thinnking "why isnt he into me anymore".

 

since then we have been even closer.. i kept going with the thing and pretending like we never made out.. then a few wakes later we make out again! this be cool thing totally works!

 

so heres the meaty part.. she calls me last week and asks me to go on a road trip with her and her friend. i said yes. we went and it was such a great fun. I have never spent so much time with her. never even slept in the same room, let alone for a whole week. she made me laugh so much and me to her. When we came back i didnt want to leave her. I think my feelings for her have become very strong. we only got back yesterday and she called me today and i just felt like i was acting weird because im feeling really down that i cant tell her. I dont think she feels the same way and im totally friendzoned. we had chances on the trip to show affection or hookup but i got nothing. i was still playing it cool not being needy and acting like i didnt care but i really did. i really want to be with her. We are so good for eachother. I dont kow what to do because i want her in my life. shes my best friend. But i have to find a way to deal with these feelings otherwise we might not be friends or partners.

 

Please Suggestions, feeling really confused and sad right now.

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Well first of all you have to realize that even if she rejects you or not you will lose this "friend".

 

You cannot have everything, you either let your feelings go and you accept her as a friend and nothing more. Or you talk to her and risk to lose her for good.

 

She has shown signs that she likes you too though, calling you for a trip, making out with you twice, calling you to see how you are doing.

What more do you expect ? Her begging to have sex with you?

 

In my opinion, ask her out for a casual dinner, and talk to her, let her know your feelings. Be specific of how you feel and what you want but dont act needy.

 

Goodluck.

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Well first of all you have to realize that even if she rejects you or not you will lose this "friend".

 

You cannot have everything, you either let your feelings go and you accept her as a friend and nothing more. Or you talk to her and risk to lose her for good.

 

She has shown signs that she likes you too though, calling you for a trip, making out with you twice, calling you to see how you are doing.

What more do you expect ? Her begging to have sex with you?

 

In my opinion, ask her out for a casual dinner, and talk to her, let her know your feelings. Be specific of how you feel and what you want but dont act needy.

 

Goodluck.

 

Thanks for responding.. im feeling so terrible about this. We have had many casual dinners. i am basically her boyfriend but without the affection. i hang out with her all the time.. pay for things. when i bring her a coffee at work i get a little chocolate heart to go with it. if shes a bit to drunk i pay for a cab for her home. i genuinely care about her. always there for her. she loves me.. i know it.. but i think she wants me as a friend and as long as i keep hanging around doing the same stuff she has no reason to believe i wont be around. I think i have to pull away.

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How would you feel if she met someone else and started dating them? If she started sleeping with them or moved in with them? If she only thinks of you as a friend then she might expect you to accept this without complaint or jealousy. If you think you won't be able to handle that then you need to tell her now and tell her why. This is the time for you to be honest - with her and with yourself. If you leave it too late then you might have no option but to walk away from her forever

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If you're already thinking about pulling away, why not just be honest? Maybe she's afraid to make the first move, especially since you say you've been acting aloof. Who initiated the make out sessions? Maybe you don't have to put it all out there and confess your love for her, maybe you can just feel it out first by acknowledging that you enjoyed kissing her and are wondering if she felt/feels any romantic chemistry.

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