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Urgent help. She thinks I sent her flowers


Boabmac

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Hi,

I have been talking to a woman at work different departments) for several months now. We have always been friendly (10+ years) but last year I broke up with my girlfriend of 8 years and she her boyfriend of 5 years and we have got really close. We spend loads of time together at work and get on really well.

Over the last three or four months I've grown really attracted to her and now I want to ask her out but I'm afraid I'll kill our friendship.

But......

On valentines day somebody sent her flowers to work anonymously.

I went to talk to her, like I do every time we are working on the same day and she and her friend were there. Her friend asked me if I had bought the flowers and when I said no she laughed and said yeah you did we know it was you then she left. Then the girl in question asked if I sent them and I said no honestly it wasn't me. She was very angry/upset that someone sent the flowers anonymously. She was saying "why would someone waste all that money and not even out there name on it" "what is the point in doing that? I don't get why someone would do that". She was clearly angry/upset and at me. I have never seen her like this before. I told her again it wasn't me and she should be happy someone done something nice for her, that didn't help!!!

I left at that point and got on with work. Later I went back to see if she had calmed down any but she was clearly still upset by this whole mystery and I was getting the brunt of it. I told her that if it were me who bought the flowers I wouldn't have bought you that cheap rubbish I'd have got you the biggest and best there is. I got a smile and thankfully she started talking normal although she cut our meeting short and was still a little off with me.

When I was leaving work I walked past her and her friend sitting at a table. I said "bye ladies" as I walked past, her friend said bye with a wave but the girl never even looked at me which is the first time she has ever completely ignored me.

Can somebody please help me figure out what is going on inside this women's head at this moment?

Ps. I did not send those flowers!

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Sounds like she most likely got upset that it WASN'T you that sent her the flowers.. And she probably felt silly for thinking it was you, and finding out it really wasn't so she tried to get angry towards the idea that she didn't know who it was who did, if that makes sense? To cover up how she's really feeling. Except, you said she has a boyfriend right?? Do you know if they're still going strong??

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Shes the one who has the problem here not you. You were honest and told her the truth. Let things cool down, and stop explaining to her and all her friends that you didnt send the flowers !! Gosh she should be flattered and not angry about receiving flowers.

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The only person who knows what's going on in her head at the moment is her. Anyone else can speculate, but that's all it would be.

 

Maybe she was angry and upset because she hoped they were from you, didn't believe you when you said you hadn't, might have been hoping for a gift from someone else which didn't arrive... it's anybody's guess.

 

However, what you can be quite certain of is that you work together for long periods and it's not a good idea to have a romance. You have also been treated to a temper tantrum on her part, despite the fact that the flowers were nothing to do with you. Some women would have been pleased to receive them, but, frankly, she was acting like a spoilt brat. You really don't want to be pursuing a relationship with someone who sulks and pouts like that.

 

I'd just carry on at work, being pleasant and professional. But she's shown you something of who she is - and even if you didn't work in the same office, it doesn't sound like good news to me!

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Thanks for the replies.

No she hasn't got a boyfriend at the moment. She split with her ex around the same time I split with mine.

When she had slightly calmed down she did say the flowers were sweet but was a bit freaked out because they could have come from anyone...fair enough!

Although I agree I did see a temper tantrum from her I thought she was cute.

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I would assume she was disappointed that you didnt send them, and she might feel like she was made a fool out of in front of her friend. Imagine you got flowers and you told your buddy you know this girl gave it to you and you like her, and then she says it wasnt her, lol (and on VDAY of all days). You have to put yourself in her shoes, doing that little practice of shifting perception can save you a lot of brain cells when you try to figure people out - it works wonders.

 

She seems immature though, not sure why you want to try to figure out her antics.

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Putting myself in her shoes I've also thought that maybe she thought it was me but didn't want me sending her flowers. Who knows.

Also remember this is a written version of what happened without exact full details. She is not as bad as maybe I have portrayed her.

Thank you very much to everyone who has given me there views and opinions. They were very much appreciated and welcome.

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Putting myself in her shoes I've also thought that maybe she thought it was me but didn't want me sending her flowers. Who knows.

Also remember this is a written version of what happened without exact full details. She is not as bad as maybe I have portrayed her.

Thank you very much to everyone who has given me there views and opinions. They were very much appreciated and welcome.

 

Hmmm... i guess i read it wrong, i went back and reread your post and didnt notice anything that shows she is interested in anything but a friendship. Her nagging about someone sending flowers without a name might be her trying to persuade you to reveal yourself. So, i would agree with her being upset that you brought her flowers. So, in other perspective she felt she was put "on the spot" with the valentines, and her friends was pretty much the audience for her receiving something from someone she isnt interested in.

 

You should have seized the opportunity to read her by discussing things further with her. I would have said, "why, you want flowers from me? If i knew i would have given you a bunch of flowers". Form it into a question and take the window to read her response and body-language.

 

But, the reason i nudged toward her liking you (as far as from what little you wrote)- is her reaction to you saying you would have brought her better flowers. Her reaction of smiling and doing small-talk- but still being reserved- is similar to someone who is interested, but doesnt play along enough because she does realize the dramatic scene shes putting up - and also because its possible a thought of her feeling shes is and did mold a response from you that would seem forced.

 

Just play it off like nothing happened and dont mention unless she does. I'll get on the generalization train and see YOU keep your emotions together and your cool together, and forgive them for their outburst and act like everything is peachy - this skill is godly for men.

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I have since spoken to her friend who was there. I asked what the reaction was all about?! She just laughed and said "it was you that bought them wasn't it". I told her no 3 times. I said to her, why would I buy her flowers? She replied "because you love her, why don't you just ask her out on a date"? I asked "would she go on a date with me"? And she said "I don't know you would need to ask her" and walked off.

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Because you love her? What kind of response is that?

 

I would guess that your friend might think you have a shot if she told you to ask her out on a date. But, she might not want to step on any toes to say she likes you back, or maybe shes just not giving out too much info to her friend.

 

Just ask her out, what do you have to lose? If you fail then maybe she will get angry again, if she does just sit down and watch her pout.

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