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I am not a very social person, i rarely make any friends and i'm not communicative, so I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Hope u guys can help a bit


So I met this guy, for whom I didn't feel anything at first. We just got close and started talking a lot. After a few months he began telling me about the relationship he has with his girlfriend of 10 years and how it's falling apart, how he doesn't know what to do. He became sadder every day. At this point i just wanted him to smile, so I was there for him, trying to make it a little better. Then he told me he fell for me, that he is happy in my company and we got together(while he still had a relationship with that girl) He told me he will soon break up with her, but he's scared of what the future may hold, after all 10 years is not short time. I said I am ok with it for now, just decide soon. He started spending more and more time at my place, where he said he could sleep and feel ok. This went on for 1 month or so until one day he told me that things are better between them, he's feeling ok now, but still wants to break up with her but the fright for the unknown is still there. Also he didn't have anywhere to move out to(said it's too early to move in with me, which I agree) so he has to stick with her for a while. But things got worse for me... he started spending less time with me, talking less, and gets mad at me when I ask him where did this coldness come from. The answer was pretty stupid : not used to someone behaving nice to him and trying to make him happy. I guess I may have overdid it and trying too hard. He says all the time that he loves me and asks me to stat chill, but it's very hard for me to see proof of his love. It may be just me asking for too much but it just gets harder. The thing is he had days he acts very nice towards me, and days in which he ignores me.


Another thing that bothers me a lot is that he always wants to have sex with me. At start it didn't bother me, but now seeing that he won't make any steps in breaking up with her, I just feel used. He mentioned a lot that he didn't have sex with her since before we met, but now it gets harder to believe it. I met her and we are totally different. She's focused on carrer and social life, while I am more of a house girl, I prefer spending time with the ones i love and make them happy. This bothers me a bit since I can't be like a strong independent woman, I am just there as someone you come back to at home. I never talked about this with him, but he seemed to like how I am at the beginning and I was happy for being myself.


I have no idea how to deal with this or what to do.

I really fell for him and it's very hard for me to let go. I know i shouldn't have gotten involved with a guy that was in such a long relationship. After all all those years build abond between them and it's so hard to get someone to leave that for something they don't know.

It's getting harder everyday to make a decision, since i have to see him all the time(we work in the same place).

It's been 5 months since this thing started and I am trying very hard to not fall apart.



If anyone can help out I would be really grateful. Thanks

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He told me he will soon break up with her, but he's scared of what the future may hold, after all 10 years is not short time. I said I am ok with it for now, just decide soon.


To me this is very telling. Why were you okay with someone telling you this?


It sounds like you think very, very little of yourself. Have you considered therapy? It might help you to start valuing yourself more, and you could perhaps then make friends and date guys who are not a) with someone else, b) cold towards you, and c) only looking for sex. This is not how love should be. Please get yourself some help.

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So to sum it up, he was in an unhappy relationship and then cheated on his girlfriend of 10 years.

Now he is stringing you along while he is sorting things out with his relationship? This guy sounds trouble to me. No guy with integrity or any respect for their other half would do this.

It doesn't sound like he respects his girlfriend, or you.


It's a really sticky situation, it could have been avoided.

It also sounds like you have some problems from past relationships/ your perception of how they should be that still affect you to this day. My advise would be to think back to all the relationships you have had and how they have made you feel and what were the positives and the negatives, and just do to some introspection as to where your insecurity comes from.


Good luck!




'This too shall pass' - proverb

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