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How do you look back at your R/S?


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So in my path to healing I'm facing this sort of dilemma. How to look back at my R/S? How to remember it? With gratefulness or regret?

 

Regret which is the logical one (she cheated and dumped me) brings me anger and unrest. But it makes me feel repulse from her and this is important to detach.

 

Gratefulness gives me peace and a positive outlook BUT I feel it prevents me from truly letting go, disengage.

 

Bearing in mind that she did me awful things how would you look at it? Share your thoughts and experiences please. When you think of a past R/S of yours what are the first feelings that come to you? What line of thought helped you healing better?

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With humor. I thought I was crazy about a guy (who was a real jerk) for 6 yrs. Our relationship was one dramatic disaster after another. Now, I realize he's just pretty darn pathetic and my friends and I all laugh at the ridiculous things I never seemed to notice when I thought I was so in lOooOooOoove with him.

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Hi jonyyy,

 

What a fine idea you have. I say this because I have been asking myself this question for a while now... I can truly say that my recent break-up fills me only with regret. It saddens me but the realization of this will help be later down the line. Broke up in December but maintained contact until February 1st. What a mistake but I think doing something wrong at least has now taught me not to repeat it. Looking back I realize that I was willfully used simply because I did not want to be alone. Being alone is a feeling I know too well. However I will persevere since there are much harder things waiting for me down the line because c'est la vie.

 

Hand to heart I feel that I will never open myself up like this again and be so giving. I now realize that as long as I was there helping in every aspect of her life than I was worth something to her.

 

I never got respect and that I guess that is another thing that is my fault. Does not make it any less bearable though....

 

The other day the mutual friend that introduced us apologized for getting me together with her.

 

Whether I am out for a run or in the gym I only remember the end of this relationship and not the good parts.

 

Her telling me she wanted to try again and literally two days later already with someone else. Rebound? I don't care. It does not make it any less bearable. It bothers me that she didn't have the decency to tell me we are off before doing what she did. That's what hurt me the most and that is what I will always remember. Will I forgive maybe not as I have now decided that people like that have no place in my life and therefore being the bigger person is not an option. I have simply cut all contact. Getting a call recently from her from a private number just made mad.

 

However, I take it day by day and try to block thoughts that bring me down. Music helps me during the tough times. I have been experiencing some unprecedented feelings of pain. Not something you wish on anyone. Well it should make me stronger in the future and what I have realized is an immediate change in my capability of voicing my opinion when something is unacceptable for me.

 

I have also questioned whether or not I have ever been in a relationship with its classic sense. Maybe what I have gone through does not resemble that strong bond formed by two individuals. In any case I welcome the opportunity to present what I have gone through.

 

I know for sure that I want to find someone that I can truly love and trust with my heart.

 

This forum has helped me greatly.

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accept what is, let go of what was and have faith in what will be. be thankful for the experience, mourn properly and you will be able to look back with happiness on the memories. assuming it was not a destructive R filled with lies/cheating ect. even if that was the case then be grateful you are now free to find someone new who fits you better.

 

keep love in your heart. that love you felt came from your heart.

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I'm not concerned about how to look at the R/S in the long run.

 

But for healing purposes it's something that I can't figure out what's better.

 

When you were healing from a bad BU, you regretted your R/S or were grateful for it? Did you feel one line of thought could have helped you more than the other?

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