Husband Has Pictures With Other Women

[Lillala]

Hi there,

 

My husband has not always been forthcoming with me when it comes to communications with exes and past interests. He communicates by email with them, and some on Facebook. If they have asked about me, he says nothing about me in return. It's as if I don't exist, and if he does mention me, it's not usually in a positive way.

 

He saves all of his digital photographs in folders on his laptop. Most of them are family pictures, of our kids and us over the years. I never want to search for pictures on his computer, as I am afraid of what I might see. Well, this past weekend, we had friends over, and we were showing pictures on the computer, when up pops three pictures of my husband with a beautiful, yet plastic, woman having drinks together. He looks so happy next to her. I was humiliated and felt betrayed and hurt. He explained it as saying he was at a work function, and he was posing with this attractive woman, who apparently is the wife of one of his coworkers that I don't know, as a joke to his coworker. They were going to frame the picture and give it to his coworker for Christmas. None of the other husbands posed with this woman - only my husband. I decided to scroll further into his pictures and there were more of him with another pretty woman who works at a place he used to work at.

 

My husband defended himself by saying, "it's the same as you taking pictures of yourself with good looking male coworkers" (I have NEVER done that) and also "well, why don't you get upset when you see pictures of me with my guy coworkers? It's the same thing". I don't think it IS the same thing.

 

Would anyone else be upset over this?

 

Thanks.

[abitbroken]

If it is indeed the wife of a male coworker, what does that have to do with him and his exes? Instead of getting defensive, I would have said "Oh, i would love to meet Coworker and Wife - let's have them over" or "hey, i would love to meet up next time there is a work function." It prevents you from being the overly jealous wife and it also calls his bluff if there is one. BTW, are there pictures of the guys and him, also?

[Lillala]

My husband isn't interested in me, beyond a platonic relationship. I am not the ugliest woman on earth, but I am not the most attractive either. The women my husband has been interested in in the past, and the women in the pictures are always beautiful. When I see this, it just makes me feel terribly insecure, as I cannot imagine how disappointed he must be having me as wife.

[ThatwasThen]

Why is your marriage a platonic one? You are leaving out a whole lot of information that would help with advice giving.

 

Do you expect him to be celibate along with you?

Do you want to have a sexual and romantic relationship with him but he won't?

Are you medically incapable of having marital relations with the man who married you?

Are you jealous because he didn't ask you to the work function or that he posed with someone pretty? If she was plain or homely, would you be okay with that?

Why do you stay with a man that isn't interested in you beyond being your friend?

 

Please let us know why you are not enjoying a normal relationship with your husband.

[Lillala]

We have two young children, and as such we are often tired. He snores and the children are often sleeping with us, so we have long ago stopped sleeping in the same room. He has low testosterone, and he occasionally (when he remembers) uses medication for it.

 

I do want more than a platonic relationship. He doesn't seem interested in my body at all, and even seems to go as far as disgust with it. I take very good care of myself and am in good physical shape. I've never experienced a man who wasn't interested in sex. Lingerie is a joke to him, he just laughs at me.

 

I am not jealous because he didn't ask me to the work function, I am usually invited to all of them, and I know all of the coworkers, with the exception of the one who's wife is in the photo. I just find it to be a joke in poor taste, and wonder why any of the devoted husbands of the wives I know wouldn't be the ones posing with the woman. I can admit that I am probably more jealous because she was pretty. It hurts to be neglected and disregarded by your husband and then to see pictures of him with someone else.

[abitbroken]

Then

 

1) Kick the kids out of your marital bed.

2) Get him an appointment to see if he has apnea - it is a medical condition and could save his life. If he has apnea, he can get a C-Pap machine and he won't be tired during the day when he has good rest.

3) Get a babysitter sometimes and go on dates with your husband. Make that emotional connection.

4) He will remember to take his testosterone more probably when the other issues are taken care of as well.

[ThatwasThen]

I agree, you have to get your partnership back so that you two aren't just parents but actual LIFEpartners that are apart and separate from your role as parents.

 

Wean your children from your bed. Having your kids in the marital bed is the quickest killer of sexual attraction for one another you'll ever have. Tell him you want him in your bed as your marital partner again and that the kids will have to cry themselves to sleep until they learn to stay in their own beds.

 

Go on dates... you arrange them and tell him that you're taking him out to spend one on one time with him and pay him the attention that a wife should spend on her husband and vis versa.

 

Get a sitter at least once a month so you can facilitate a date night for just the two of you at least once a month. Once a week you can do you date night at home when the kids are put to bed in their bed, for the night. Make it known that you want the man you married back and this will help the two of you to rebond emotionally.

 

Make sure he takes his medication on your date night...

 

Do get him to the doctor about his sleep apnea. Its dangerous for him not to be on the machine that Abitbroken makes reference to.

 

Work on your marriage and stop giving up. Include him in on your marital rejuvenation plans. You can rekindle this if you BOTH are willing and able.