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The last 2 1/2 months have been such a struggle. I realize that I was wrong for the emotional roller coaster that I'd him on & I felt horrible because he started to distance himself, then decided he didn't want to see me anymore... I felt like I'd lost my best friend. . to make matters worse, I pushed him to the point that he no longer respond to email , text, etc. I felt so lonely. .


I poured my heart out to him (a little too late) but I've opened up to him in ways I've never done. And while I've been through break ups - It's always been mutual & I just didn't care enough. It wasn't until yesterday, in church, that I realized while I still miss his comfort and his presence that I don't want him back. No one who really loves you will allow let you pour your heart out, hear that you are in pain & completely ignore it. . He doesn't deserve me. He doesn't deserve my energy, my thoughts or any parts of me. It seems that with that thought, alone, I'd be skipping & smiling. The realization that I don't want him back makes me stop pining for him & makes my thoughts a little more clear. It doesn't make me feel ready to "move on" to someone else & stop thinking of him but it does make me stop wanting to contact him. It's time for me to better myself for my future, my kids & for the "RIGHT" person.

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