CF-35 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I realize it now... She did it with her ex before me and even though I treated her 1000x better she's still doing it with me. I guess it's her way of coping and moving on, for some reason I just thought what we shared was special enough that it wouldn't go down like that. I guess that was foolish of me, we're now at 6 months since the breakup and 5 months of complete and total silence. She hasn't reached out in any way not even to offer to pay me back for our dog that she decided to keep. She's still with the new guy and I just don't get why she thinks that overlapping relationships over and over is a good idea. It just sucks because she's a really pretty girl and she'll always have suitors lining up for her as soon as she becomes single, I'll always be just another ex and a distant memory. I really didn't think it would happen this way, I guess my ego led me to believe I was special enough to deserve a different outcome. I'm not looking for any specific advice this is just another vent thread.. thanks for listening. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I think you should be proud of yourself for sticking to NC and not giving in to the temptation to contact her -- even about the dog, which I know has been a source of contention (ouch, I almost said "bone of contention".... pardon the pun.) She's never going to really forget you, though. You'll always be a part of her life story -- and one day, when she's dumped herself or otherwise hurting, she's probably going to realize how much she hurt you. No one gets off scot free in life.... not even pretty girls. You just stay strong and keep moving forward. It does get easier as time goes on. Link to comment
sammi87 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Honestly, I don't think it's that she's so pretty or anything like that... What you are describing is normal. Most people might have one or two conversations after a split to resolve issues or for closure but then they move on. That is the very nature of the break up. As to the specific issue of the dog... If you didn't ask for reimbursement at the time you were both discussing custody of the dog... Why would she suddenly feel she needs to buy you out now? I would just consider it a gift at this point. And believe me you are not the only one that is going to be a distant memory... No matter how pretty you think she is or whatever, one day you will meet someone new. Someone right for you and your ex will be a distant memory. And it won't matter one bit who got over who first. Link to comment
Redsoxfan1 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Wow, did we date the same person?? Same exact thing happened to me. Broke up with ex for me then emotionally cheated on and dumped me. She also is one of these women that will have suitors lined up for her every time she sabotages whatever relationship shes in. Women like this tend to have a "bridge" between relationships. They cant stand being alone nor, do they really know how to. Its tough knowing you may never hear from her again when you thought you were the "special" one. I know the feeling because I was told I was different than all the other guys. It will be ok though, I firmly believe that people like this will eventually have to look in the mirror and deal with who they really are and deal with the path of emotional destruction they have left behind but, by then, nobody will want them. Thats KARMA! Link to comment
silversoul Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 yes, you will never hear from her and that's great because you don't need anyone in your life who doesn't want you. life is full of amazing people and possibilities. just think about it Link to comment
Flylow Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Wow, did we date the same person?? Same exact thing happened to me. Broke up with ex for me then emotionally cheated on and dumped me. She also is one of these women that will have suitors lined up for her every time she sabotages whatever relationship shes in. Women like this tend to have a "bridge" between relationships. They cant stand being alone nor, do they really know how to. Yup, this describes my situation as well, my girlfriend was a serial emotional cheater (I didn't know what she was doing had a name until I came on here). I'm obviously biased but for me this makes the breakup so much harder. Not only is it difficult knowing she's with someone else but I also worry about her inevitable breakdown. She's told me she is terrified of being alone and that she hates herself for how she acts, but I know they're just words and haven't translated into actions. I've had to come to terms with the fact that I can't help her anymore. Sorry, getting wrapped up in my own story... CF-35, I can only echo what other people have said- you'll never be forgotten or mean nothing to her, she, like you, will always have the memories of the time you were together and one day she'll realise that how she has "moved on" isn't healthy (she hasn't properly moved on, she's just distracting herself from her own feelings). Take comfort in the fact that you've dealt with the break-up in the best way possible and you'll be rewarded by being in the right place, emotionally, to one day be happy in another relationship. Link to comment
No1 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 She is one of those girls that need to be told she is pretty, one of those girls that can not be single or be alone. I would bet that if you looked back and reflected on the relationship that I would guess that it was mostly a one way type of relationship. you need to satisfy my needs before I show you affection. It hurts, but you are better off.. I will be only a matter of time before this guy is replaced too. But hey, you had a great time and you should cherish those parts for it did make you happy and a better person for it.. Link to comment
Trevorjames Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Hey CF, I'll share a little bit about my own story maybe it will give you some perspective. I broke up with my most recent ex because she was being shady around a guy I didn't know anything about. I tried to take it back same morning but she was already out the door and knew she was leaving, i saw the red flags, I just had hoped I was the one she didn't want to lose. She used to tell me stuff like no one is as kind, caring, thoughtful, sincere as me. That I am an actual gentleman, have been better than anyone ever has been, that I'm the only one who ever really tried with her family. I never stopped being that guy, she just stopped being that girl. I knew it was coming, we had an expiration date. She is a tough cookie and very independent, she was raised that way and affection is scarce in her home. So i gave her gifts, cooked for her and brought her food at work, talked her up all the time, always affectionate and held doors and put on her coat for her, etc. never have I hurt her with my words or actions. I know somewhere deep down she will always look back and remember how I treated her and compare any new person to me in some ways, until maybe someone comes along and does it better. I acted like a sad idiot after the break up for a few weeks, but truthfully, as long as you don't scorn her, its okay to do that, don't expect them to respect you, but they wont hate you for it. But I quit it and haven't spoken to her in a few months now. I am also dating a very lovely girl who is polar opposite, bubbly and happy, always has something nice to say about me, much more attractive too. In many ways much better than my ex, but I still miss my ex quite a bit, just not the same way as before. You are well on your way, its always going to be a bitter sweet memory, I still even think about my 3 year relationship ex before this last one, and I am happy for her, she has made a great life for herself with someone who makes her happier than I can. This previous ex even told me recently that she still thinks of me occasionally and knows that I would be a great husband and father. She remembers me fondly even though we will never work. And to me that means I succeeded in the break up. There are no winners/losers, just two people growing how they feel they need to. Me and that ex still respect each other, hopefully one day me and this most recent one will be cordial in the same way too, and she will be happy on her own somewhere. Me? I got a full ride on the emotional roller coaster and healed properly, learned and grew up some more, I still have my goals and life in order, and nothing bad other than heart ache has happened so far. Break ups suck, but being in capable of love and compassion is far worse, be happy you can feel the way you do, its a great thing. Link to comment
CF-35 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 I completely forgot to reply to this thread thanks to everyone who took the time to write something. I've been feeling so low about myself lately that I guess it just brought back a lot of feelings to the surface. I'm a very introverted guy that puts up a confident strong guy facade so it's really not the greatest situation to be in when it comes to dating. I've casually hooked up with a few girls since the breakup but haven't even come close to meeting someone that I could see myself with. It's all made me feel really inadequate and almost like I was lucky to have her.... plus I miss the hell out of my dog. I know a lot of people thought that was just using the dog as an excuse to talk her but yesterday I saw his food that I had put away in the closet because I couldnt stand to look at it and I literally broke down. I'm pretty much at the lowest point I've been as far as confidence and self esteem is concerned and it has set me back in my healing process.... Link to comment
John John Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 OP I know what you're going through. It's been almost 14 solid months of NC since my ex of 5 years left me almost 16 months ago (this March). Those first two months were weird because she was moving out. As proud as I am for sticking to my NC guns (it was HARD those first 6 months), and as hurt as I still kind of am that she never once reached out to me (even though I'm partially to blame for telling her never to contact me unless to reconcile), the notion of never talking to her again is kinda weird. But it's my reality. Sigh... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 I think hooking up with girls may make you feel worse. I would advise against it. Sorry you are feeling bad. Link to comment
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