Fear of her moving on and forgetting about me during NC

[bison67]

So i am just past 3 weeks NC today and woke up this morning kinda fearful that she has forgotten about me and completely moved on from me. I do feel better in many way but i miss her like crazy. A big part of me hopes that there is a chance for reconciliation in the future cause our love was pretty strong at one point, it still is for me, im not sure it is for her though, i know 3 weeks isnt that long and it takes 2-4 months for her to really feel the impact of me being completely out of her life. It was her idea to not talk to each other anymore after we tried to hangout after the break up and take things slow and it didnt work to well because of my jealousy. I know time will make it work out as it should but i really care and love this girl and i know that if she gave me one more chance in the future i couldnt screw it up with all i have learned, changed, and grown in the past 2 months. I still see her as the girl i want to marry, i even saw her as that during the relationship but like so many guys i got lazy and took her for granted... Im regretting that so much right now. I wanna use the next few months to really work on myself and i have already made great progress, i honestly think neither of us are ready for the relationship yet but will be in time. She told people after the break up that she still saw a future with me, that she met the perfect guy but just met him to young and he had to do some growing up, and that she knows i have a good heart. I mean she must miss me to some degree, just the unknowns are killing me! What if she has completely moved on and doesnt even think of me, its very possible. The lack of answers and unknown is killing me somedays, but i will remain NC for a long time before i try and talk to her. 6 months is my goal, lets hope it goes well. Im still meeting other girls and dating and having fun during this time, hope that we will get back together is not all im holding onto, im still living and loving life, but i do hope for it more then anything. Maybe that will fade over time, but my love for her never will.

[sharky988]

Dude, she had moved on and forgotten about you BEFORE you began No Contact.

 

She used you as a Plan B option while having sex with another guy. She kept you in limbo and used you as a *best girlfriend* while she was LOOKING FOR HER NEXT BOYFRIEND.

 

She USED YOU to feel less lonely.... as an EGO BOOST.... while having sex with another guy.

 

There's NO GOING BACK. She crossed the line of acceptable behavior. This has nothing to do with you or what you did wrong while you were together. She no longer loves you. If she did, she NEVER would have done what she did to you. If she's telling people she saw you together in the future, she was just trying to keep you in place as a Plan B option, nothing more.

 

If she WANTED to be with you.... she'd be with you.

 

Not "maybe someday".... but NOW.

 

You're in denial, but if you stick to your No Contact, you WILL start to feel better. It's going to take more time than just a few weeks.... but it WILL happen.

[doicare]

NC is the only way my friend. You need it for you. If she loves you, then she hasnt forgotten about you.

 

You should focus on enjoying your life, and letting her go. id say 2 months is a minimum, by that point you will feel much better.

 

Get rid of all reminders of her, pack away her pictures, cards etc. and dont check her facebook or anything. I went through it and feel amazing two months on, there has been a little more happen as well but I dont really want to blast it all over this forum. PM me if you would like some advice.

[bison67]

Got rid of all photos and reminders as well as all social media stuff, although my friends told me she still tweets about me sometimes, thats all i have heard. And i know for a fact she isnt looking for another boyfriend right now, just focusing on herself and school. She even broke it off with that one guy she was sleeping with cause he started to get somewhat attached, young girls are funny with these things. Im sticking to NC ands it has its ups and downs, time will tell what happens. Still got some hope, but we will see what time tells.

[sharky988]

You obviously have A TON of hope. You're posting all over this site about how much you hope to reconcile, despite how terribly she's treated you! Waiting and hoping is NOT a good move for you -- your parents are even concerned at this point about your ability to move on.

 

Please, I'm not trying to be mean here. You really need to stop making excuses for her and accept that this isn't going to work out between you, longterm.

[bison67]

I have some hope but its not stopping me from living life and meeting new people. And i know the longer i go NC the hope will naturally fade away, so thats kinda my plan right now, the hope helps get me through the day and feel a little better, but its not the only thing keeping me going anymore.

[sharky988]

"Rebounding" is not healing.

 

You can try to downplay the level of hope, but it's in all your posts, sweetie. Please try and stop this train you're on about "maybe someday".... a good start would be to get real about what she did and work up some indignation about it. She really treated you horribly. When you posted about it here, people were outraged FOR YOU because she was so awful to you.

[bison67]

Yes i know its a type of denial cause i have "blinders" on and not thinking logically. Holding onto some hope isnt a bad thing, but if i stick to my goal of 6 months NC i may start to think more logically and not even want her at all. Sometimes you cant help who is in your dreams every night, thinking of good memories, who is on your mind right when your wake up, and what your gut is telling you. Time sorts everything out and i truly believe that what is meant to happen will, sure i deserve better and i know that she doesnt want anything right now with anyone, but once I start to move on like i am and live my life without her then she will realize her mistake and if she doesnt she wasnt worth it to begin with. Im a good guy with alot to offer and i have learned alot about myself through this break up, it was what i truly needed to change my ways and do some growing up.

[sharky988]

Breaking up with you isn't a "mistake."

 

She doesn't want to be with you. She IS looking for her next boyfriend. That line she gave you about "I just want to focus on myself and school" is a breakup cliche that people say all the time to soften the blow.

 

You need to start to CHALLENGE these ideas that you have about what she's doing and how she really feels. She DOESN'T want to be with you -- if she did, she wouldn't risk losing you.

 

Hope is NOT your friend. You're having a hard time letting go of denial and it's your willingness to go on hoping that's messing you up. Six months No Contact is for YOU to get over her -- not to hope that she "realizes her mistake" and changes her mind!

[Doofus]

You two sound young. Too young to be settling down. Whatever other problems there may have been in your relationship, it wasn't going to last.

However, there's no way she's going to forget you. I haven't read all of what you've written, so forgive me, but you're probably her first or one of her first LTR. She will never forget you. Ever. I guarantee it.

That's the good news that I have for you. The bad is that you really don't have the power to change her mind. I know that's a hard truth to accept, but if you view it the right way, you should see it as liberating. You are free to do what you wish.

Now, what you do have power over is how she'll remember you. It's unfair, but the immediate aftermath of a break up is the most crucial time. While you don't have the power to win her back right now (or ever, probably) you do have the power to ensure that there's no chance for a future together. You need to be cool. And if you don't think you can be if you're around her, then you must disappear. Given the little I've read of what you've written on here, my advice is the same as others': NC. And this doesn't mean simply not contacting her, you must banish, in so far as is possible, all traces of her from your life. That includes any contact with her life through social media, especially fb!

Also, I recommend getting out and dating yourself. The best way to get over a woman is to get under another one.

This is going to require steely discipline, but, if you want any chance of a future with her this is the only way.

Good Luck!

[bison67]

I have met plenty of women since her and have always been good at talking to them and attracting them, but honestly i have slept with 4 girls since her and just made me feel tier even though my buddies keep telling me how much hotter they were and that im "back in the game" it doesnt feel like it. I miss the connection. We have 0 contact through any social media with the exception of twitter where i blocked her but i know she still reads my stuff as she still has some tweets directed to me. I deleted photos, got rid of gifts, emails, texts, etc. All traces of her in my life, just cant get rid of the memories thats the hardest part, cause they are in my face quite often. Yes it was both our first love and im aware that i will find it again, just doesnt seem like it in the moment you know? Im staying NC and time will tell what happens, just wonder if she ever tries to contact me again or still thinks of me.

[silversoul]

don't date anyone, you need to heal first.

and she already moved on and forgot you. time to do the same

[bison67]

You really think after 3 weeks someone just moves on and forgets you? Even after a month ago she said she missed me and still loved me but just was so scarred from what i did to give me another chance cause i would just hurt her again. I honestly believe that in months she will contact me but i may have moved on by then, i know her better then anyone. She knows im the only one who cares, and she is still in contact with my father.

[silversoul]

If she cared, she would have contacted you or not dumped you. You can spend months waiting for contact from her or you can move on and focus on yourself. You don't know her now, the person who dumped you is a different person from the one you knew.

[bison67]

Thats all very true, and im sticking to NC reguardless and working on myself in many ways and meeting new people, its not inhuman to have some hope, makes days more tolerable and it will fade more over time, im still in the early stages. If she wants to contact me she will, things work out as they should.

 

My best friend was dumped last august, he was devestated, basically spent the first month wasted the whole time, said he hadnt moved on but was just living life, after about 5 months NC his ex shows up to his work to see him on valentines day, she wants to get back together with him, but now hes at the point where he isnt sure if he wants to cause she hurt him so bad! He never thought she would see him again, just goes to show you that you never really know what can happen.

[jphcbpa]

If she cared, she would have contacted you or not dumped you. You can spend months waiting for contact from her or you can move on and focus on yourself. You don't know her now, the person who dumped you is a different person from the one you knew.

 

needed to read this today. the great news is that I am not the same person either. that is all I can control and focus on. forgiving her and letting go, embracing the change, keeping my heart full of love, helping others, learning and growing in this new phase.

[Shane Falco]

Honestly, you should want her to forget about you, at least the you you became. Her last impression of you is of a spineless toad that was holding her hand as she was getting it on with someone else. That's not a good look. So in this case, the quicker she forgets, the better you'd look. Doesn't mean that you'll get back together (odds are overwhelmingly against it), but if she doesn't "forget", the odds of you ever reconnecting with her are zero.

[bison67]

Honestly yes i do want her to forget about the guy i was at the end of the relationship and when we were hanging out after the break up, that guy was sad desperate and pathetic. And honestly right now im not even ready to get back together, i still have many months ahead of personal growth and i know she does to. Right now i just have to focus on me and growing as a person that is what i am doing, i completed my first half marathon today as i train for the Boston Half Marathon, i would have never considered exploring these types of things in my life if she didnt break up with me and put me in so much pain. Im becoming a different, better, more compassionate, driven person because of what happened and that is thanks to her exposing the things i needed to change in my life. Im focusing on me now and the future will work out as it should, she will see change and if she wants it then great, if she doesnt at least im taking huge strides to have an awesome life and meet a girl who enjoys someone that has as much to offer as i do.

[jphcbpa]

Deal with your own stuff and then ask yourself if you care whether she misses you. What I do know is that you’re worth a damn sight more than someone who ‘misses’ you – be with someone who wants to put both of their feet in and love you now and who will sort herself because the fear of losing you and being put in the position of having to ‘miss’ you is not one that she’s prepared to realize.

[bison67]

thats all very true. Im having such an awful day as i found out the guy she has been sleeping with is very good friends with my best buddy on my hockey team! Im so pissed and disgusted right now i dont even know what to do, the though and image of what she is doing with him is seared into my brain, i just wanna throw up thinking about it, it haunts me, i dont know what to do cause its so torturous to thinking of another man doing that to the women i love.

[silversoul]

she is still on the pedestal. why? why do you need someone who has replaced you so quickly? I bet the day you will run your marathon you will realise your worth and you won't need her any more.

[Brotherhood67]

She won't forget about you but realize and accept you've been donwgraded in her life. That's a fact.

 

Don't fight it, it's useless. Your ego is speaking, not your heart or your brain. Put it to sleep.

[Ms Darcy]

Im becoming a different, better, more compassionate, driven person because of what happened and that is thanks to her exposing the things i needed to change in my life.

 

If you want to be a more compassionate person, stop having sex with girls when you are not emotionally healed.

 

THE VERY WORST GUY on the dating scene is one who is where you are right now. You don't get that your emotional connection to your "ex" prevents you from connecting to someone else.

[sharky988]

If you want to be a more compassionate person, stop having sex with girls when you are not emotionally healed.

 

THE VERY WORST GUY on the dating scene is one who is where you are right now. You don't get that your emotional connection to your "ex" prevents you from connecting to someone else.

 

 

Agreed!!

 

It makes me sick to read people posting about how much they still love their exes, while proudly reporting in the same post that they've been dating other people -- or to hear something like "the best way to get over one woman is to get under another".... I mean, how is that even acceptable???

 

OP, I feel sorry for any woman who comes within a 5-mile radius of you right now.

[bison67]

it felt so wrong and disgusting to do that... I dont wanna do it again, right now i only want her, and i cant have her in my life, it hurts really bad today cause i know she had a big job interview for a summer position she wants badly, and i wish i could have wish her luck, then talked to her after and been there for her. But thats not me in her life right now and i hate it...

Was doing well the past 2 weeks but today im hitting a low point again... Just crazy how badly i want her back in my life