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Walking on a thin line between Life and Death


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I am a first time poster @ENA and foremost apologize for my misery in life. I will keep this real short..

 

I turned 30 last year life was sailing real good with hardly any Issues, I have always been an introvert all throughout my life single and within my own world, even though I do have a good family and job, I am hardly out going and love to stay in my confines with hardly any friends or any other relationships, Life was sooo good. Then as soon as I turned 30 my mariagge was set with a girl who originally seems to be similar to me but as soon as we got engaged things started to change she started to message me weird things and questioning my nature of being introvert and why the hell am I like this etc,, same goes with all the new relationships which comes with it With this tension my job also started to suck with increased responsibility and managing team of pretty much extroverts... my health started to deteroriate started to loss all my hair throwing my looks into drain due to which I hate to go out now I feel not to change who I am due to others in my life is it right ? Also I am feeling real suicidal because of all of this, I dont want to live the rest of my life like this and for some reason I feel there is more peace in death than being alive. The only thing holding me back is my family and trust me or not its my foes (In this world if you are real good in something u are supposed to have foes) who I know will have a big smile once I a gone which I hate.. So I am really confused, always thinking is it worth to live...? (P.S. Only I know the devil dancing in my head and the very thought of how my life is going to be post marriage with an extrovert every single minute scares the hell out of me)

 

Thanks for any valuable opinion...

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Not really sure what to say; except I've been there. Classic case of an introvert. I literally said maybe 10 whole words all throughout high school. This was very soul damaging.

 

But years later despite being horribly, excruciatingly shy, I found my perfect match. He is actually a very popular, well-liked person. Incredibly charming. He gives me to confidence to be perfectly ok being what I am. Quiet and shy. There's nothing wrong with being this way. Some people prefer quiet.

 

My point being, if she doesn't find you amazing just the way you are- let her go and keep on trekking. There's 7 billion people out there. All types of personalities, including other people just like you.

 

Life can always get better, it's just a matter of seeing the beauty in yourself. Sounds cheesy but it's true. Being fine with how you are and who you are, will brighten up your life like you never thought possible

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I can't say for certain what is going on with her and why she's having these thoughts. Maybe she always felt this way and the engagement just brought it even more to the surface? Knowing it would be forever.

 

It really hurts when this happens. She could very much love you, but feel that it is not enough to overlook your differences; thus causing her to start having doubts.

 

If it were me, I would just be very direct. Just ask her how she feels and where it's coming from. Maybe it's just a passing thing, maybe it's something more. You won't know until you ask.

 

Marriage is a very big deal, since it's forever. Even if you find out that you're not compatible, it doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Find peace in that fact

 

The only comforting thing I can say is that there is someone out there who wants someone just like you. If it doesn't work with your current fiancé, someone else out there is waiting for someone just like you to come along. Don't give up! There is always hope that you will find everything that you are looking for on your adventure through life

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