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He doesn't want to give me a commitment because I'm starting my career over

andrea878

By andrea878
in Dating Advice

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andrea878 Newbie

andrea878

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I'm 35 years old and I went back to college at 30 to get my degree in a field that I love. I got my degree so I can have job fulfillment. I just finished college in december and I'm currently looking for a new job in the field I love. I'm still at my old job, but I want a change, because that was the point of going back to college. This guy I have been dating on and off since July 2012 told me he doesn't want to be with someone starting over because of my age. he's the same age as me and he works in telecommunications and started over at 30 but he was able to make good money right away. Since I am starting over my career in this economy, I will be making much much less money than he is. I don't mind it because it will be in a field that I love and it will be for a short time because I am confident I can be a manager within a few years. He and I started dating just a few weeks after his wife left him, I met him though close friends, so I was opened minded about his situation. So why can't he be open minded about my situation? and he's still in his divorce. Looking for a job and being entry level is only for a short time. I consider him the love of my life and I tell him this is only temporary with me. I'm actually willing to spend my life with him, if he let me. So these years are only a few years and I have a lot of good years ahead of me earning good pay. Why is he so shallow?

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browneyedgirl36 Rising Star

browneyedgirl36

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I don't think you're going to want to hear this, but...he's just not that invested in a relationship with you. If he were, he'd be thrilled that you are following your bliss and doing something great for yourself. He would support you. He'd stand by you.

 

I know you think he's the "love of your life," but two things stand out here to me: You've been "on and off" since 2012 AND he's not yet divorced. Both of these things suggest a lack of investment, too.

 

My suggestion: Let him know that, no matter what, you're doing this, and either he's in or he's out. If he's out, you'll have to let him go. Live for yourself first, not for someone who isn't fully committed to you.

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toby17 Apprentice

toby17

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This guy I have been dating on and off since July 2012 told me he doesn't want to be with someone starting over because of my age.

 

This is it - this is all you need to concentrate on - the rest is distraction.

 

So why can't he be open minded about my situation?

 

It doesn't matter why - he's not.

 

I consider him the love of my life

 

He doesn't consider you the love of his.

 

I'm actually willing to spend my life with him, if he let me.

 

Are you auditioning for the role of doormat?

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catfeeder Grand Master

catfeeder

Posted
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and he's still in his divorce.

 

This guy was never dating material, much less relationship material.

 

He's been 'on and off again' to prove it.

 

He's looking for another reason to go 'off agin' and your career is as good an excuse as any.

 

I can appreciate that you don't want to be dis-illusioned, but the sooner you get that you're being used as a rebound when it's convenient, the sooner you'll be able to grieve, heal and move your focus onto your career--and someday you'll meet someone who deserves your devotion. This guy is not him.

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kim1 Contributor

kim1

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I agree with other posters that he is using your career as an excuse. Also if he is about to lose a lot of money in the divorce this could be a factor. Still it's a weak excuse. I think it was mean of him to say this to you when this is really because he can't man up. I actually would be in shock if a guy said that to me.

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